"God, I wish. I'm broke and it is 1100 miles away."<P>"Okay, is this festival overseas?"<P>Western New York State. I'm in Louisiana.<P>"What say you? Geeze, man, I am really rooting for ya. I hope you get to go. And I hope that your (our) fears prove baseless."<P>Thanks Mynabird. You are very nice. <P>All of my concessions and attempts to show her how much I love her might have begun to have a slight effect on her. <P>At the end of our conversation last night, she told me it may be a few days before she calls again due to many rehearsals, etc. I took that to mean I don't want to talk to you for a few days and here's my excuse. Well, she called out of the blue tonight! I think she was reaching out only...I may have dropped the ball. <P>1.) I didn't tell her that I thought it was nice that she called just to hear my voice. <P>2.)Due to the cell phone static I couldn't hear her very well. No ones fault, right? Well, she begins to lay into me to pay attention to what she was saying and stop asking her to repeat everything. I couldn't hear her for all the static and cutting out of the connection!! She got angry, said this was just going to turn into a fight and said she would call back some day this week.<P>I think I'll call her tomorrow just to tell her that I thought it was nice that she called? <P>I will try and borrow some money from my parents for a trip up there. Could be pretty akward. After the first conversation where she brought divorce I told her I would like to come ASAP and spend some time together. She told me that we didn't have the money(she's right) and "...I feel no great desire to see you...I'm kind of enjoying my freedom...anyway, I'll be home in two and half weeks."<p>[This message has been edited by anncicero2 (edited August 01, 2000).]

Don't be embarrassed to ask them... it is for a very good cause.<P> I think that there would be no harm in calling her and telling her that you were happy to hear from her. Don't give up, now. She sounds like a cranky sort. She'll get over the bad-connection call. We hope. <P> Good luck to you.<BR> Mynabird

She called to apologize! <P>This is the second day in a row that she has called ME, rather than the other way around!<P>We'll see how this works out.<P>AC2

Well, I'm glad to hear it. <P> Hope you still plan to go to the festival. I thought of something. If, in fact, there doesn't seem to be any hanky-panky going on, do you think she would be happy to see you? You could implement plan A (sounds rather spy vs. spy, no?) and have some fun together.<P> Best wishes,<BR> Mynabird

"Hope you still plan to go to the festival. I thought of something. If, in fact, there doesn't seem to be any hanky-panky going on, do you think she would be happy to see you? You could implement plan A (sounds rather spy vs. spy, no?) and have some fun together."<P>I don't think she would be happy to see me. She hasn't given any signs as to being lonely or missing me. Actually, to the contrary. There has been a change in her mood for the better, so who knows. <P>There is something that has been nagging me about our phone conversations. She keeps repeating that she doesn't want to come home. Well, I understand being away from home, in different scenery, yada-yada-yada. Summer festivals are fun in that way. The participation in them can take you all over the world(I had a chance to study in Salzburg, Austria for a summer--didn't want to leave Europe!). But this seems different.<P>My imagination could really be running on overdrive but when I thought about this I turned cold. <P>My hope so far was, that if anything were going on between them, once the summer ends he's back to his university in the mid-west and she comes home. That is over 1000 miles between them. I could then implement Plan A and things could work themselves out. There is, however, a way for him to move her to the college town and there would be nothing I could say. <P>An Artist Diploma is a certificate program at the university she and I attended that only requires...a prof recommends you and a faculty panel admits you(can be influenced by recommending prof.). It is for outstanding and highly gifted young musicians. <P>There are no degree prerequisites, only that you are a *superstar* student that a prof wants to take under their wing and IT IS ABSOLUTELY FREE. As I mentioned before, her father is quite wealthy so the taking care of her other expenses she need not be concerned with. <P>If he *offered* the option to her, she would only have to say there are too many advantages to turn this opportunity down. She could study with our old prof, which she likes better than the current prof we are doing our Doctorates with, to name only one reason I'm sure she would bring up. The school where we did our Masters is one of the top three music schools in the country, from which an Artist Diploma is very impressive. Her parents would only say this is a big chance for her to succeed, by all means go for it. <P>That would be her way out of our marriage. Doctoral students can not transfer to another school. I would be stuck here. Any argument that I could make would be rebuffed with "you don't want me to succeed and you're holding me back."<P>This is truely the most frightening scenario because it is so plausable and doable by them. It is the perfect plan. It is well past the deadline date for auditions for the program but I'm sure he could engineer a last minute audition for a *very promising student*.<P>It makes me sick just thinking about how perfect it is and how helpless I would be. Lets just hope there is nothing going on between them, they aren't dieing to be with each other or they haven't thought of this plan.<P> <P>

AC2,<P> Wow. They could possibly do that. <P> Tell you what... *If* you do find that something is going on between them, tell his wife. I usually tell people just the opposite, because it usually backfires on them. In your case, though, I have to say it would be one of few options you would have.<P> I don't mean just *tell* her (his wife). I mean provide pictures, whatever you can get. Obviously, you don't have the resources to hire a PI, but (painful as it would be) you can get your hands on a disposable camera, tape recorder, whatever you would need to get physical proof. <P> I would also confront him with any proof you may get. Threaten to make his behavior public knowledge. Physical proof is not slander, it is damnable evidence of activities. Be they good or bad.<P> I tell you to do this, because as a high profile figure, he will not want to damage his reputation... unless, of course, he has a reputation that is already sullied. <P> As I said before, I do not usually advocate this type of action... but your case is much different. You would have very few options, as you have stated.<P> Have you arranged to go to the festival, yet? <P> In the meantime, continue Plan Aing your wife. You have some very tough issues to deal with, concerning your marriage. Not just the possibility of an affair, but also the personality of your wife. You sound strong enough to deal with these issues, painful as they may be.<BR> <BR> Remember, also to make time for yourself. You mentioned a hand injury(?) before that prevented you from playing. How is that coming along?<P> Mynabird

"Wow. They could possibly do that."<P>I was thinking of ways she could keep from coming home and have a good reason to give her family. 1.)She could win an orchestral job--unlikely before time to come home for many reasons. 2.)She could just move somewhere else--very unlikely. She has a sweet deal in scholarship $$ here. And then that came to me and I became physically ill. It is perfect. It covers all the bases and is argument proof.<P>"Tell you what... *If* you do find that something is going on between them, tell his wife. I usually tell people just the opposite, because it usually backfires on them. In your case, though, I have to say it would be one of few options you would have."<P>I think finding out for sure would really clean my clock. This man(48 I think) carries himself and talks as if he is 100 years old. Like a wise old sage. I think that was one of many reasons why the students respected and admired him so much. He has two children who are quite old enough to understand daddy cheating on mom. How could he ever look them in the eye again?! I guess the fabled hero is still very much in my head. <P>"I would also confront him with any proof you may get. Threaten to make his behavior public knowledge. Physical proof is not slander, it is damnable evidence of activities. Be they good or bad.<BR> I tell you to do this, because as a high profile figure, he will not want to damage his reputation... unless, of course, he has a reputation that is already sullied."<P>He is HIGHLY respected by the music students at this university and is thought to be far above scandal. I have given some thought as to what I would do with such information, should it be true. In the classical music world it is disturbingly common to find profs who have married former students. Probaby has to do with the close bond you build with a instrumental instructor. Going public with this information would probably cause some whispers but he would just join the ranks of the others who have done the same. <P>"Have you arranged to go to the festival, yet?"<P>It looks like I will go for their last concert next week. We'll see how she responds. <P>"In the meantime, continue Plan Aing your wife. You have some very tough issues to deal with, concerning your marriage. Not just the possibility of an affair, but also the personality of your wife."<P>I hope she will go with me to talk to the shrink. She could hear from a neutral party that she's a little *broken* as well.<P> <BR>"Remember, also to make time for yourself. You mentioned a hand injury(?) before that prevented you from playing. How is that coming along?"<P>It's getting better each day. Thanks for asking. <P>Mynabird, you have really been great to talk to and I thank you very much. <P>AC2<BR>

AC2,<P> You are very welcome. I understand the difficulties that you are going through. I also realize that it is helpful to have a non-biased third party look at the situation. I wish that I had this forum available to me, years ago. <P> Good luck at the festival. I am glad I could help you. Keep your chin up, you are strong, you will know what to do, soon.<P> I'll remember ya in my prayers tonight.<BR> Best,<BR> Mynabird