The repeated cycle is scarey isn't it. My H is I feel not very fair to our Daughter. He tries but I think he really has a hard time loving her. His father on the other hand has always favored his grandaughters, our daughter and H sister's daughter. He has never been very loving to the boys. I've always questioned if my H is unknowingly jealouse of our daughter and that is why he treats her the way he does.

H this afternoon finally admitted to me that he does have feelings for this OW. I of course cried and got angry. I told him that I didn't love him anymore. I was really surprised to see the hurt in his eyes. I'm actually looking forward to him moving out and getting his own place. While he is still living here it is like a hard slap in the face everytime I look at him. At least with him gone maybe I will be able to get my head together. I will be working 60 hr weeks for awhile so I won't have time to think about this for awhile. I lied to him about not loving him anymore but I guess I just wanted to get back at him for all of the hurt he has caused me. I really let him have it this afternoon and I hope now he relizes just how hurtful he has been. I think sometimes its ok to LB I mean I have spent the last year in plan A and have only gotten hurt. I had so many feelings to get out and things to say. I feel better now. I know what I said bothered him, and right now I think he needed to hear some of what I had to say.

His admission that he has feelings for the OW could be a step in the right direction. Try not to get emotional when he opens up to you. It's like a test to see if he can trust you to handle the truth. The safer he feels, the more he will tell you. I know it hurts, but I think that the first priority is getting to the truth, then dealing with the fall-out.<P>Don't beat yourself up over telling him you don't love him. I did that too- deliberately though. I told my STBX that so that he would leave me alone. I'd had it! His presence was so hurtful that it was better for him to think that I didn't care than to have him destroying me. I don't feel guilty about it. It was an act of self-preservation!<P>Now, as for your H's cheating and self esteem issues, I admire you standing by him through all of this. You are a strong and good woman. I think he needs someone like you if he is to ever get beyond his feelings of inadequacy. He needs constant reinforcement that he is worthy. Unfortunately, I can see how this must wear on you. Nobody would blame you for bailing out on this commitment. It is a hard one.<P>I felt the same as you. I felt my H had some real issues that could only be dealt with through love. I felt that my love was strong enough to see us both through, but I had to bail when it was apparent to me that he did not want to change. Sometimes we are comfortable in our own misery because it is what we are familiar with. Trust was too hard a concept for my H to embrace. Ironically, HE did not trust ME because he expected me to treat him the way I was treated.