F A--my humblest apologies!<P>If I hadn't accidentally deleted 3 hours of work late this morning I could have completed your profile today! It was for Ronster's profile but her H was a snake man too so I did a complete snake man analysis and was going to refer you to it. My hissy fit would have been very entertaining had anyone seen it.<P>I'm going to give you a tid bit a day if that's o.k. I'll just keep bringing this post back up as I'm able to get back to work on it. Feel free to jump in and comment on anything or ask me anything or beg me to stop, ok?<P>You were born on 8/31/65 making you a Virgo/(Wood) Snake and 40 days older and thus wiser than me. <P>Your W was born 12/6/68 making her a Sagitarrius/(Earth) Monkey<P>Uh oh. This is going to sound terrible. Take today's profile with a huge grain of salt. (I'm talking back-up-the-truck, huge) But the more added profiles I can give you, the better clarity you will have of the compatibility and the better to view what tactics work and what will just have you ramming your head against a brick wall. My opinion.<P>A Snake with Monkey:<P>Auspicious beginnings encourage these characters to join forces and operate as a team. The versatile Monkey finds wisdom and consideration in the Snakes's personality. The Snake enjoys the Monkey's charm and peppy energy. They are truly a complementary pair. <P>After a time, however, they will see that all they have in common is a taste for helping others, a charitable bent which binds them ever-so-loosely together. Snake, of course, always takes off on extra-marital adventures. [I know--bunk!!] Monkey? Well, Monkey couldn't care less: if affairs turn up, so much the better. If not, too bad.<P>Snakes like elegance and want their lives carefully accessorized. Monkeys are bored by the very idea of accessorizing anything and dress down rather than dressing up. Monkeys are spontaneous. Snakes ponderous. Snake is romantic, Monkey logical. Snake is sophisticated, Monkey Bohemian and carefree. Dialogue becomes diffficult because Snakes find it hard to divulge themselves. Breakdown in communications will be the death of this relationship. <P>Their sex life usually compensates for much of the strife they feel between them. Altho sex is not always the Monkey's strongest suit, Snakes succeed in turning them on in a big way. The complicity of elaborate sex games may ensure a basis for this pair to consolidate their union - despite their essential differences.<P>More to follow...

Love for a Virgo/Snake:<P>The Virgo/Snake's love picture is a tiny bit smudgy. You see, Snakes tend to slither in and out of a variety of love affairs througout their lives. Virgos are rather more constant, yet they are sensuous as well. The tendency is toward slip-sliding away. Virgo/Snake makes the transition from passion to camaraderie smoothly. He remains friends with is "exes."<P>If you love a Virgo/Snake, you will be so mad for him that the very ideal of "handling" will not occur to you. But the way to deal with this person, happily, is simply not to try. Don't manipulate him. He doesn't take kindly to machinations behind his back. Don't make fun of him. He'll take offense. Respect him and accept the dense soul that belongs to all natives of this sign. Admire the intellect but don't, for heaven's sake, fawn!<P>Because knowing you from your posts and considering you a friend who can take it I'll go on a little further about Virgo/Snake:<P>Analysis and intuition are two essential elements in the personality of a Virgo/Snake. This Virgo is both emotional and attractive. He is endowed with wisdom and depth of understanding. He may appear serious and even grave. The tongue, you will notice, however, is conveniently stored inside the cheek. This person's strength is that he is not really <I>of</I> the world. Virgo/Snakes exist outside of the mundane and always wear a secret smile. <P>Nothing is too technically complex for this subject's intellect and perception. Nor are metaphysical problems beyond his reach. We are dealing here with a monster of attraction and appeal whose flat-out - almost cold - sensuality will warm the blood of even the most reserved observer. Virgo/Snakes are calculating. They always need to know where they are headed. Before they undertake a project they want every element worked out in minute detail. Virgo/Snakes are capable of magnificent insincerity.<P>Introverted yet avidly interested in others, his motive behind this gregariousness is simply his need for admirers. Of thse he alway has more than his share. He is a long-lasting friend with the ability to listen and to cheer. It's not that Virgo-Snakes are innately funny. They have crinkly-eyed charm that is irresistibly amusing.<P>This person is remarkably combative for a Snake character. He's quite a scrapper when crossed, and involves himself in monulmental tongue-lasings and verbal conflict to spare his pride [this I've never observed!]. Virgo-Snake simply does not tolerate being toyed with. He is dignified and insists on remaining thus. If, however, he sees that the joke is irrevocably on him, this person is capable of laughing at himself. [There goes that chariming aspect again!]<P>These natives seem oblivious to aging and stress. They slither thru their daily rounds with rare sort of detachment from almost every problem encountered. They insist on stability and expect to maintain equilibrium in their personal lives. They never make useless trouble.<P>Laziness is the Virgo/Snake's enemy. Yes. Even the efficient Virgo can be tempted by the Snake's tendency to sloth (But you are the most industrious of all the Snakes). From time to time his analytical side will assess the situation and you'll marvel to see him rise like a spinning top from his sagging sofa and shift into whirlwind activity. This is a capable soul. But if the sun is shining and the livin' is easy, he can grow sluggish. Gourmet food will tempt him too. Virgo/Snakes should avoid waist-expanding foods and keep up a steady exercise routine.<P>Most striking of all the Snake born Virgo's characteristics is his open-mindedness. This person is always ready for new experiences. He is willing to try anything once, and makes a good companion for someone who likes adventure.<P>There is a critical side to this subject as well. But since Snake people are predisposed to sagacity and they intuit rather than puzzle things out with logic, Virgo nit-picking and fault-finding is kept to a minimum. Gossip, however, pleases the Virgo/Snake and altho he is discreet and never meddles in the affairs of others unless invited, he can frequently be caught in merry derision of the garish color of his neighbor's new car.<P>Virgo/Snakes are also bossy. Or rather, they rule. Period. Their methods of expressing authority consist of silent pressures and application of well-defined rules without excessive rant. They care a lot about those they dominate, and can usually convince themselves that their despotism is benevolent. Don't count on getting the best of this class-act person. He's got it all figured out and he knows precisely how to keep it that way. <P>I'll stop there for now and go back to SadnLonely's profiling for a while. If you found any of the above difficult to swallow, let me assure you you're going to <I>love</I> what's coming up next!

But before I get into that....<P>To save me some carpal tunnel syndrome, read my thread to SadnLonely--the 4th post down--as that pertains to you as well. Every 60 years 1845, 1905, 1965, etc. there is a "Wood" element Snake year with defining characteristics that differ from the other Snake year elements (fire, earth, water, metal). <P>Also, specifically for Virgo/Snakes, when I talk of luxury loving Snakes, Virgo's are a bit peculiar in that they tend to enjoy their freedom and covet being unencumbered. Their surroundings are not of much importance to them, as they are so often on the road. They do like comfort, however, they are not homebody/interior decorating types (neither am I, now, but I sure used to be).<P>Another thing I told Ronster and SadnLonely is that 1998 and 1999 (Tiger and Cat years) are just not good for Snakes. The year 2000 (year of the Dragon) is also not our year to shine. We are supposed to maintain a low material profile as Dragon years sometimes bring both robberies and inspire melodratic conditions in romance (duh!). But we should be continuing to work while remaining in the background. Our quietly striving to bring our projects to fruition will eventually be rewarded as next year is - guess what?! Happy Snake Year! And everything having to do with love and romance reeks with success for us. <P>This is what my source says anyway.

Tired...(yawn)...so tired...must sleep...eyes closing... <P>On 12 hour shifts again. Off on Tuesday. <P><BR>Should be able to complete by Tuesday nite your time.<P>How'm I doing so far?<P>You will be my very last, F A. I won't be doing anymore. At least not without a 1-900 number!<P>Aloha,<P>L

This was really amazing!!!! I see so much of myself in what you have written. There were a few discrepencies, but not many. You have my W pegged pretty much too, except being logical, but she's a woman, I couldn't expect that. <P>Thank you for writing all of this out, it must have been a chore. Now I'm off to the printer to print all of this out................wonder if I should leave it where my W would somehow find it. <p>[This message has been edited by F A (edited September 17, 2000).]

F A,<P>Just popped in before going off to work to see if you guys got your stuff yet.<P>I'm far from done with you!<P>And I still have quite a bit more profiling to do on your W.<P>You will have to buy another ink cartridge for your printer before this is over!<P>L

OH OH, should I take that as good or bad??

Just you wait and see...<P>You're head isn't going to fit the doorway anymore by the time I'm thru!<P>Got few hours (I hope) off from work--they may call me back any minute but things were slow. Lucky me! Lucky you! <P>I'll be here working on this thread until then.<P>Did you read the "Wood Snake" profile under SadnLonely's profile, F A?<P><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited September 17, 2000).]

For Snakes in general - men, women, all the elements and all the western astrological characters so you many not see much of yourself here (this is chatty):<P>Snakes were charming men long before men charmed snakes. A profound stillness of spirit inhabits every Snake. This quality is silent yet never sombre or sullen. The Snake's quiet is icy <I>cooooool</I>. Compound this unruffled dignity with exceptional physical beauty and you get a fair sketch of Snakes. Their sinuous manner and graceful gait inspire more than just admiration: people don't gape curiously at Sankes or even ogle them. They fall madly, passionately and irrevocably in love with them. <P>Masses of people are secretly or hopelessly in love with Snakes. Feature those frustrated folk you know who have been lusting after a gorgeious, unattainable creature, blubbering into their pillow and wondering why. They are probably in love with a Snake. <P>Snakes are spotlight magnets, too. The Snake will not be ignored. Peer group attention and public recognition are the least of what he expects. Yet Snakes are never noisy or deliberately out-spoken. They have little but wisdom to dispense. They rarely behave blatantly or show off. They are always correctly attired in sublely elegant clothing. They have excellent manners.<P>The Snake is the tempter, the universal symbol of sexuality and faithless (!) passion, the emblem of wanton ardor and romance. The snake invented naughtiness when he seduced Eve into sin. But the astrological Snake, the one we all adore, is not a devil, not even a little demon. The Snake is a nice, oversexed normal human being. <P>Snakes don't perform their enticement routine with aforethought. They simply don't know how <I>not</I> to enchant.<P>But being too beautiful can be a handicap. Female Snakes have a terrible time having close, loyal girlfiends because of jealousy and envy. A male Snake gynecologist [the source tells of in her book] had a hard time getting patients - husbands didn't want him around their wives.<P>But beauty is only the half of it. With Snakes, the sorcery doesn't stop at the physical. It is in the allure that surrounds them. Snakes don't get dressed in the morning the way the rest of the world does. They prepare meticulously to meet their public. They may only don jeans and an old sweater but they are careful to accessorize to smell right for the clothes they wear. On a Snake, rags would look chic.<P>Are Snakes narcissistic? Yes. They don't just accept their faces, bodies, limbs, ears, hair , teeth, skin, fingernails and toenails, they <I>love</I> and take special care of them. They are impeccably groomed inside and out. Barbers, cosmetologists, salons and plastic surgeons would go broke tomorrow if the world were rid of Snakes.<P>Snakes really splurge on accessories. Others buy it for them as well as they buy for themselves. They wear gold chains around their necks and never go out with mismatching tones or patterns or hues. Simple, elegant, understated.<P> The Snake's preoccupation with appearance may lead one to believe that Snakes are superficial. Nothing could be further from the truth. Despite their narcissism and ostentatious dress habits, Snakes are among the most profoundly thoughtful and philosophical members of our race.<BR> <BR>For Snakes, evasion and omission are the preferred method of dissimulation. (She's calling us liars here.) Any Snake worth his skin would rather embellish a terrible truth than hit you over the head with it. Or, when these tactics don't work, the Snake will use another: he invents a second truth which he hopes will throw powder in the eyes of the first or real one. <P>The Snake prevaricates more than many but it should be seen as a kind of prestidigation. The Snake knows how to mislead, to misrepresent, to work magic on the psyche of his interlocutors by seeming to be what he or she is not. Such a gift is hardly simple lying. <P>A dangerous business is the shamming of the self: it is loaded with possible disappointment. They may fool themselves into imagining that they are better than other people because they are more handsome or beautiful or sexy or wise. They may believe they deserve more attention and consideration than their peers, that favors should be dealth them simply because they deign to grace the world with heir presence. (Yow!)<P>There is nothing more intransigent than a Snake who does not feel he's getting his due out of life. He may grow sad, self-pitying and embittered. He may even fall ill or become addicted to drugs or alcohol, turn to a philanderer who makes a fool of himeself, having sex with anyone he can lay hands on just for the thrill of being accepted appreciated and desired. (Wow! Charlie Sheen or Robert Downey, Jr.!)<P>Sometimes Snakes embroider on their woes. As they are given to self-aggrandizement, requiring a personal mythology to find self-confidence, they view themselves, self-defeatingly, as misunderstood or rejected by those they deem should love nad appreciate them more. This is a bad habit and should be discouraged early on as it feeds into the Snake's neurotic pattern of constantly seeking approval and attention. (Ouch!)<P>In money they are greedy for it, spending lavishly on a sound system or dream vacation stingy with it in specific circumstances (like paying a utility bill) and careful but generous with friends and family. They know how to count pennies when necessary and are almost never in danger of declaring bankruptcy.<P>Emotional stability is of paramount importance to the Snake's well-being. Rejection is the worst blow his delicate ego can suffer. He must be received, welcomed, accepted and approved by those he comes in contact. To achieve this he acts prudently and is rarely confrontational. He gives the impression of being even-tempered and conciliatory. He is often seen as a person who adheres to the least line of resistance, takes life easy, doesn't make waves.<P>These pacifist habits are but a defense strategy. He cannot function in chaos. Routine, tradition and sameness appeal to the Snake. They may make it their top priority. Snakes (but maybe not an Arie/Snake) often compromise the pursuit of the things they love: thrills or knowledge - and sometimes even passsion - for the sake of remaining part of a continuum in which they feel safe.<P>Snakes have been known to stay on in failed, passionless, stagnent marriages - just for security. This sacrifice for security causes many Snakes to become inhibited and frustrated. They know they are over-dependant on others for their survival and happiness. But they just can't help it. <P>The Snake tends to exhibity exhorbitant gratitude for gestures of kindness or generosity as he is always currying favor, playing up to his audience and hoping he will be loved as much as he needs. When and if he does find someone to provide him with unconditional love, he may sit back, breathe easy and grow placid and lazy. Which, any Snake's long-time mate will tell you, is precisely what he does if he isn't pushed or sufficiently challenged. The Snake seduces until he doesn't need to anymore. <P>This was good for me to write out and reread. I need reminding of my yucky spots so I can combat them. If it doesn't tear me away from my mirror too long. <P>More narcissism coming right up! Be prepared to get stalked after I write it...

The Male Snake:<P>The male of this species is equally as adorable as his female counterpart. He is handsome - oh, so good-looking - and, altho not usually of heroic physical proportions, sexily built, boasting a muscular frame and a nice flat tummy. (But watch out for that gormand aspect!) His hips are usually slim and his bottom firm and attractive. (I'm not making this up!) The Snake male's bearing is sylphlike and elegant. He walks lightly and is inordinately supple. He has long legs, yet is not usually tall. Snake men are born distinguished. They are smooth-talking, dignified and mannerly, rarely using their voices or stooping to exhibit aggressive or vulgar behavior.<P>Yada, yada, yada, more gorgeous talk...scroll down when you can't stand it anymore! <P>Facially, the Snake male boasts a refined, delicate bone structure. Regular features without any outstanding flaws are the rule. His eyes are heavily lashed, adding to the air of dreaminness and unreality for which he is famous. His mouth is heart-shaped and his forehead both broad and smooth. Usually, his hair is long and silky and sticks to his scalp all his life. He has an aquiline nose, a true sign of nobility, but his rounded chin shows that his will is weak.<P>Altho he does it subtly, the Snake man loves to show off his body. Frequently, that gorgeous guy on the beach that every female can't take their eyes off of - the one with the teeny trunks and the lanky legs - was born in a Snake year. He adores being looked at and willingly exhibits his physical endowments in intimate - and even not so intimate - gatherings.<P>He is very fastidious about his appearance. Being by nature narcissistic, he maintains a dignified, well-groomed manner and is nattily dressed. He goes in for affectation, too: it is not unusual to see him wearing gloves or custom-made designer spectacle frames or sunglasses, or elegant ties from designer shops. He doesn't hesitate to use gallons of toilet water and cologne where he thinks it will have the most captivating effect.<P>The Snake man benefits from a sunny personality and pleasing manner. He readily engages in idle chit-chat which, among his many other attributes, has a special appeal for women. He always has time for the latest gossip, comment on the fabric or your skirt or notice the way you have changed your hair.<P>He is just as sensitive as he is affable. He requires harmony and seeks pacific environments wherein no rudeness or vulgarity exists. He hates disruption, haste, abrupt change and hostility. His inner peace depends on how much security he can create around his person. He seeks a life of calm with space inside the tranquility for him to remain free yet be certain of the loyalty of his companions and far-reaching support systems. He is essentially a family man and, because of that, no matter what crazy complications arise, the Snake man always slides back to normal. <P>The male Snake's need for psychological well-being to be created from without, never from within, makes him vulnerable to negative influences. <P>He is circumppect and prudent, scrutinizing every situation for tension and danger. When it arises, he attempt to smooth things over quickly and get his life back on an even keel.<P>These elaborate tactics amount to a strategy wherin caution takes precedence over almost everything else: he adopts the line of least resistance. This over-prudent attitude, altho usually it keeps him safe, may paralyze him and inhibit his progress in the world. Initiative becomes a serious risk to a person whose defenses are always up and whose main goal is to stay on that "even keel". You may be hampered in your actions because of your fear of making a a false move.<P>He is only trying to secure the necessary goodwill he needs from others to survive. He treats everybody with gentle consideration and rarely affronts anyone directly, because he is afraid to lose their love (in all its forms). He never raises his voice or loses his temper, swalllowing <BR>his real feelings and concealing his pain (1) to spare other people's feelings (2)to keep their affection (3) to maintain his dignity. He is not a fighter or a bully. He is never vengefulor reproaching of those he loves and he rarely defends himself openly - even against patently violent aggressors. (Well, except on the job, of course!)<P>Intermission!.......<P><BR>Whew!<P>The Snake man is an intellectual, a man who works with his head. Whether educated or not, he is intensely curious and seeks to be informed about life and intimately aware of the complexity and profundity of the human condition. He is patient, showing indulgence for the follies and vicissitued of those who call on him for his intelligent advice. A casual Snake friend or acquaintance can quickly become a mentor as his decisons and considerations, altho never hasty or even spontaneous, are nearly always creative, workable and wise. He has a natural sense of equity and fair play, makes honest efforts to weigh all sides of a question. <P>The downside of this talent for giving good, level-headed advice is that male Snakes take for ever to make up their minds. Their lives are fraught with deliberation and hesitation. They lack for ready decision-making and agonizingly resist committing to a firm point of view. Once he takes a stand, he balks at changing his mind because he is aftaid of the consequences of adopting a new platform. This may make him seem stubborn and intransigent when he is only trying to be being careful not to make waves.<P>Unless you know him well, you might never guess that the Snake man's mind is a veritable mosaic composed of ephemeral spiritual depths and poetic, romantic considerations. He's a strong, silent type, a dyed-in-the-wool visionary whose exacerbated sensitivity makes him able to grasp the subtlest nuance of feeling, guessing accurately at the innermost thoughts of his enemies as well as his friends. He is susceptible to the tiniest shift in emotion and will react to events before they happen, as tho he were gifted with E.S.P.<P>The Snake man, like his female counterpart, believes in the basic virtue of humankind. He trusts in the essential power of good over evil and of reason over folly. He longs for altruism to triumph over violence and hatred, and will spend large portions of his time hunting for solutions to the inequities he so strongly desires to see eliminated.<P>It is said that the male Snake is the sexiest of all the Chinese zodiac signs. He cannot resist the temptation to seduce every woman he meets. <P>The Snake man is incurably romantic. He sees his role as a professional lover, Lothario and tender-loving-care giver as a mission. His love of his fellow (man and woman, alike) is so great and his ablity to love them so enormous that he can never leave them alone. He always wants to help people in trouble, to raise someone's spirits or lift a bum out of the gutter. He is princely in his desire to take the failing masses under his tutelage and care or to lend a helping hand to a chum. When he takes on a "case" his motives are pure and noble. He is driven by real compassion for the victim's sad situation.<P>[I wish I knew how to condense without losing the message. Run out of ink yet?]<P>Snake men see their flirtatious, libertine behaviour as charity or a cure for what ails a society. They are in love with love and lovemaking. He depolores sexclusivity - except, of course, for his own mate whom he knows could never stray from his attractive side.<P>In this area, the male Snake's lucidity is dim. He can't see how easy it is for some women to up and leave his irresistible company. Usually he chooses a partner who adores him absolutely so that he's fairly certain never to feel the crushing rejection he so abhors.<P>If a Snake man happens to meet, fall in love with and eventually marry a woman who can be equally infatuate as he, he falls apart. It is inconceivable to him that any member of his family might defect. No matter how inconstant he is or how many numerous and blatant his dalliances, he would never divorce unless he was divorced first. Some Snake men's wives believe that they can reform them. IF they can, it would be over-idealistic to imagine that this lover of love and the thrills it procures him could stay on the wagon for ever.<P>Love represents the Snake man's sustenance. For him to live without it in profusion is to die. Any woman who wants him as a mate will be unhappy if she allows his flirtations to cause her anxiety or jealousy. She should not take it personally. It is just his way. <P>Their creative abilites coupled with their good looks make Snake men naturally prepared in all artistic professions such as painting or designing, styling, acting, singing, or performing as an entertainer. As he is both altruisitc and deep-thinking, he can be successful as a philosopher, psychologist, detective, physician, researcher, scholar or scientist (His capacity for abstract thinking is exceptional). His business acumen is excellent. When properly surrounded, he is capable of managing large sums of money and making wise investments. He could ba a banker, an estate planner, an administrator, an investment counsellor or a behind-the- scenes property developer. He can be a highly successful art or antique dealter, too. <P>Diplomacy is an art and the Snake man knows how to manipulate others skillfully . He wriggles his way in and out of tight spots all the time and might choose jobs in journalism, foreign service, agenting (travel and other) or even espionage.<P>With good associates to make prompt decisions and with drive, he can a become rich and powerful entrepreneur - especially if teamed up with a Rat or Dragon. Money comes easily to the Snake and he is articualte so law as a profession might work. His remarkable ability to invent and present emotional pleas for the welfare of his downtrodden victim clients will surely persuade judges and juries alike. He would also make an excellent judge.<P>If while growing up he can finally learn self-control and concentration, he may be able to take over the world. His talents are many but his will to fight is weak. Good parental and educational guidance will help him to develop determination. This should be encouraged. <P>Returning to the romantic life of the Snake male, his popularity with women is not entirely of his own making. The Snake man is tremendously attractive, not only physically winning but his gentle heart is like an open rose, fresh and full of promise.<BR>Ladies simply fall at his feet. They sense his willingness to love them just as they are. He adores them. And they adore him.<P>He's a smashing lover, fearless and expert at giving pleasure to his partner. Sometimes , he gets so enthralled by l'amour that he falls in love with several women at once and is at a loss to refuse their blandishments because he feels strongly for each. He is always kind and not vicious or meretricious in love.<P>Of course the complexities this behavior generates are scary and fraught with jealousy and rage. But the Snake man isn't frightened. He spends his time involved in endless emotional snarl-ups, sexual traffic jams and endless discussions and recriminations which would paralyze an ordinary soul. [The source - Suzanne White, says: "<I>I</I> do not approve of his messy sex life - but there is something mildly heroic about his wild, spendthrift attitude to love."<P>So how does it feel to be seen as a cross between Zorro and James Bond and Don Juan?<BR> <BR>Even if you think it isn't true, isn't it kind of a kick!<P>Give me a minute to extinguish my keyboard.

Now that you're probably tired of hearing about yourself it's time to meet Mrs. F A:<P>She is a Sagittarius/Monkey (S/M) combo. Re: love and relationships....<P>They are a bit uncomfortable in intimacy. They don't give easily of their emotions, and tend to shrink from the bonds that coupledom imposes. The S/M will be hesitant about marrying or hitching up with someone for life. This character sees beyond each relationship, and wonders whether or not in a few years' time she will become bored with the loved one. There is a refusal in this character to take on emotional responsibility for anything other than her missions. She will be fun to hang around with but [Suzanne White, my source book author] is not be sure she'd want her to marry her brother.<P>If you are attracted to the challenging S/M, use wiles to fight wiles. Don't be too declarative or easy for this person to bag. Otherwise, she will lose interest overnight. You will best charm this difficult subject by challenging her mind, testing her mettle and taking little trips by yourself from time to time just to keep her on her toes. For heaven's sake, don't say you are only going to the neighboring village. Pretend you've been called away on affairs of state. <P><BR>

Damn! Got called in! More on your Monkey later!<P>L<p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited September 18, 2000).]

This is soooo scary, this sounds like stuff that someone that has been living in my house observing for over a year would write. I have always been skeptical about stuff like this, but you are hitting the nail right on the head!!<P>I really appreciate this, I can only imagine how long it took to write all of this, your fingers must be growing muscles

Someone said something like, "Do you have a video cam in my house?!".<P>It's not scary, it's just you!<P> Going off to work again. <P>Me and my Arnold Swartzenegger-like muscular fingers will be back tomorrow for the finale. <P>Asta la vista, F A!<P>L

F A, I have at least one Monkey co-worker/girlfriend who I dearly love, and my masseuse is a Monkey - so I know exactly what I'm getting and what I (wisely, for me) passsed up on!<P>A Monkey in general:<P>Fun but hate confinement. Need freedom and crave motion. Insatiable thirst for the novel and outrageous. Hunger for mental challenge and passion for full-swing elbow-room latitude plus their remarkable ability to adapt to any new circumstance in seconds (and often only for seconds). It all makes Monkeys both incapable and unwilling to accept restriction. They refuse to be caged.<P>Not that Monkeys are greedy for space - nor do they demand lavish or vast homes - but they must be independent. A word of advice: if you tie a Monkey down, don't expect to remain friends with her. <P>These wily, clever people are renowned for their extraordinary problem-solving talents. Give a Monkey a baffling issue to settle, a negotionation to handle or a filthy hundred-year-old attic to clean and (providing you don't hold her to a deadline or attempt to force her) she'll set her attention everywhere at once and apply her nimble intelligence to every nuance of the issue. Then she comes up with the single most ingenious answer ever.<P>Wherever you are, whoever you may be, if you've got a problem pick up the phone and dial-a-Monkey. Advice and good counsel are her strong suit. She knows how to listen closely and work out solutions at the same time. You'll be amazed at the originality she applies in formulating answers to your weightiest problems. Monkeys always come out the winners, especially if the fight is hard.<P>(But this picture of Monkey changes slightly when I get to Monkey women - they are brilliant and master problem-solvers for everyone but themselves!)<P>Monkeys talk - a lot. They are never boring but they can be unnecessarily long-winded. <P>As natural teachers, Monkeys have opinions on everything from politics to lawn sprinklers. Yet, as they are essentially tolerant, they are unusually respectful of the opinions of others. Monkeys adore a spirited conversation and worship background noise - they are noise junkies. Just for company they'll turn on portable radios, flip a few TV channels, switch on the news at the most solemn point in a love spat. And in planes, trains, or even public restrooms, count on the Monkey to engage strangers in spontaneous chit-chat. A Monkey could chat up a corpse.<P>The Monkey has a joke, acecdote or experience to share with any audience she can corner for long enough to tell it. She is not as eloquent as an Ox, and less persuasive than the Horse, but the Monkey needs to be amusing and instructive and, most of all, to please her public - which makes her one of the Chinese zodiac's best hosts.<P>Give a Monkey a potentially dull situation and she'll turn it into a Broadway production. And better yet, she'll pay for it. Monkeys are notoriously generous when it comes to spending money on others. They can't resist watching your eyes light up when they give you a present or find you a special trat or locate just the right holiday spot for you. Chanllenge a Monkey to please you and she will lead you into some rich temptations.<P>Because of her curiousity, the Monkey deems everything worth knowing about. For one so active and mobile, she has remarkable perseverance when it comes to study and gathering information. She can plough thru tomes for fact-finding purposes or sit for hours pouring over charts, tables and relief maps. Many learned geniuses were born a Monkey.<P>Monkeys are hard to describe. They nearly always present us with a strangely harmonious mixture of contradictory strengths and faults. They are sometimes exasperatingly childlike, yet surprisingly sophisticated, adult and practically unshockable.<P>As friends, Monkeys are both loyal and devoted. As lovers, they can be flighty and faithless. Sometimes they gossip, meddle and pry, yet at others a safecracker can't get them to spill so much as one bean.<P>Monkeys have no time for prejudice, snobbery or racism. They are truly fair and equitable people yet if a Monkey feels trapped or cornered - or even personally justified - she can surprise even herself by committing an isolated survivalist act of unreason and injustice.<P>Altho she does'nt take kindly to repression, the Monkey has no time for head-on conflict with authority. She rarely gets nabbed for bending laws: she can get out of paying for parking tickets, court summonses, etc. She is supple of mind and body and good at moving thru the minefields of life without ever feeling so much as an aftershock. True disaster eludes the Monkey. (Unlike Tigers and Dragons who are stalked by it.)<P>Monkey are good at ruse and hypocrisy. Call it diplomacy if you will, it's still a form of deception. They owe much of their social success to their abiltiy to nod ad smile whie fools spew inanities into their ears. Monkey's don't always respect the opinions of others but they enjoy a rare talent for maintaining an agreeable countenance in the face of discord. Because they can fool their audience into thinking they are truly involved in their drivel, Monkey people prevail. Unafraid of subterfuge and not burdened by petty moralities, the Monkey is a canny piece of work. She is clever and sometimes unsrupulously cagy. But it's more than that: she is not a rebel or a renegade. Monkey is satisfied to be a true marginal. She is a free-sprit.<P> <P> <p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited September 19, 2000).]

Monkey women:<P>The contradictory character of all Monkeys is dramatically emphasized in the female of the species. It's maddening. Just when you think you have Ms Monkey figured out, she ups and does something totally out of character which sends you back to the drawing-board. But once you have it all down, once you comprehend and fully appreciate the truly unpremeditated, genuine good nature of the frantic female Monkey, you will have fallen in love.<P>Altho they would hate to be thought of as conforming to type, there are some Monkey traits they cannot deny. First, they are forever youthful. Their limbs are usually thin and muscular. Their heads are small and well shaped. They have neatly proportioned upper bodies, small breasts and sturdy shoulders. It is unusual for them to be overweight but if they are, by middle age they start to thin down and the older she gets the more sinew and muscle she shows. <P>There is nothing grand or regal about the Monkey woman's features and the word "pretty" doesn't do justice to her good looks. She is not just lovely to look at. She's well turned out, carries a singular air of competence and a fetching mischievous twinkle.<P>The attractive Monkey lady doesn't have trouble finding love partners as men are drawn to her spirited manner. Altho she is not the most constant of mistresses or wives, she can be counted on to amuse her lovers, diverting them with funny stories or a finely honed wit. Her jokes are light-hearted and rarely cutting or hurtful. She seems able to pick out the silliness in any situation. Monkey women don't want to appear grumpy, stubborn or mean. They have no time for anything that impinges on fun. Her main objective is to remain young at heart, active and open-minded, to observe and poke fun, to entertain and sort out others' problems.<P>Ms. Monkey is creative in bed. She never lets her partner get bored and is careful to maintain an atmosphere of humor and good cheer in the face of almost any wild behavior her lover thinks up. If her lover minces into the bedroom wearing high heels and a pale taffeta skirt, she will not shrink away in horror. Instead, she will carry on regardless and when it's over, she'll nestle down and commnet wryly, "Pale pink is definitely your color, darling" before dozing off.(Remember the The Three Monkeys statue: Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil? You will never see a better portrait of the Monkey character!) <P>In both home and workplace, the Monkey woman is a good sport and an excellent organizer. No matter how badly she is offended, she doesn't hold a grudge or harbor resentments. Also she can be counted ont o smooth over her own and other people's differences and remain even-tempered. Ever the versatile problem-solver, she has a talent for dashing off ten thank-you letters to friends while polishing her nails and baking three dozen brownies for the PTA meeting.<P>But here comes the paradox. She's as hysterical about her own problems as she is practical about other people's. Here she tends to be neurotic. She often has difficulty seperating emotions from facts. She frets and panics over what others might see as the least little thing. If she thinks it's directed at her, she can work herself into a terrible frenzy over a passing remark or a whisper dropped in her presence.<P>Tho they love their fun, no Monkey likes to appear foolish.<P>Another tiny flaw Monkey women have is that they have to be right. Probably because of their amazing accuracy, outrageous capacity for visual memory and the need to seem at all times to be doing the right thing, Monkey women make excellent editors, private secretaaries, script girls, bookkeepers and fact checkers. Proficiency is their middle name.<P>This attention to detail can be positive but it can also translate into an exasperating <B>stubborn</B> eccentricity that bends to no persuasion and resists even the most compelling reasoning. This leads to oddball, screwy, far-out antics that often baffle the more logical mortals on the planet. <P>Love your Monkey, love her harmless eccentricities.

The Earth Monkey (Those born in the Jan 30, 1968 to Feb. 16, 1969 Monkey year):<P>This Monkey is calmer, more sentimental and deep thinking than most. Altruism is well developed in this character and she is markedly less devil-may-care than her fellow Monkeys. (Ah, the Force is strong in this one, Obe-wan.)<P>She truly ponders both the past and future of mankind and attempts to comprehend the shape of things to come. Earth Monkeys love all types of people and can assume the problems of others as if they were their own.<P><BR>The Earth element endows the Monkey with solid natural wisdom and insight. Because she is so perceptive, she is painfully aware of certain dark truths about life at an early age. She may speak out in family or school situations, shocking adults with unnaturally astute comments. Altho silence is not her strong suit, study is. She will be capable of reaching lofty social positions thru education, even tho most Monkeys pretend to scorn all social climbing. In China, the Earth Monkey is known as the teacher Monkey. Not only is she learned, but she is also able to impart knowledge and exercise devotion in the pursuit of a professorial career. Her students will be faithful admirers. They will adore her jaunty manner and are instructed and amused by the Earth Monkey's imaginative presentation of inherently difficult or dull material. <P>This Monkey's best attribute lies in her ability to interact with her peers: people like her immediately. She is affable and jolly, optimistic and inspirational. She is bright and witty, and so smart and intuitive that she seems to see around corners. Better yet, the Earth Monkey knows how to make us laugh. She won't waste time on gloomy reruns of her bad childhoodd or tedious school exploits. She is fun, spontaneous and full of life. She is strong without being overpowering and yet remains a serious, even ponderous, thinker.<P>The biggest flaw in the Earth Monkey's character is her desire for perfection. This hail-fellow-well-met seems to be so easy going and fun-loving that we sometimes wonder if she can truly be taken seriously but this Monkey is worse than serious - she's a nit-picking perfection-crazed maniac. She longs for a home that runs like a well-oiled machine, a family to be nothing but proud of, a place for everything and everything in its place.<P>But the family life of the average Earth Monkey is never nirvana. Her need for order in the essentially disorderly atmosphere of home and kids leads to trouble for her and her poor subjugated offspring. Either the kids and spouse become terrorized by all the maniacal fussing or as time goes by, the meticulous Earth Monkey parent becomes a subject of family ridicule and has to take refuge in the basement or is forced out of the nest.<P>This Monkey is extremely attracted to the opposite sex. An imaginative lover, she cannot resist the urge to play at love. She adores the intrigue, the chase, the seduction. Altho usually fearful of scandal, extra-marital affairs are common in the life of this extra-sensual Monkey. She hates to recognize her own mistakes yet is quick to point out those of her family. Live-in loving with he Earth Monkey is not for amateurs: it takes more than patience - even a spirit of masochistic self-abnegation. Yet this Monkey is kind and can be reached thru a large, tender guilt window. If reminded of how difficult she is, the Earth Monkey will rally. Underneath her difficult superficial nature, she is devoted to those she loves and can always be counted on to provide and maintain order. <P>The Earth Monkey is blessed with good health and a sturdy contitution. She will usually live to a ripe old age. With her innate talents for study and concentration, she could work in scientific research, enforcement or history. Because of her ability to go it alone, she can pursue a career in the arts as an independent film-maker, a literary scholar, a painter or sculptor. <P>If an Earth Monkey could improve one aspect of her character, it should definitely be her perfection-seeking. She could and should partake of some of life's more enlightening spiritual pursuits such as yoga, martial arts, the study of Eastern religions (quoting here, not supporting but I can see where Ms. White is going with this) and even pure aerobic exercise. Earth Monkeys need to cool out their fuddy-duddy side, break down personal barriers which prevent them from enjoying a relaxed lifestyle, and rid themselves of the need to show off their brilliant achievements in public. Developing the spiritual side of this neurotically driven perfectionist is a sure way to loosen those inhibitions for something more lofty than clandestine extra-curricualr sex. <P>Whoa!<P>Hope this helps in some way. <P>By now your eyes have muscles or you've gone completely blind. <P>Take care, F A.<P>Would love to hear what you think of all this.<P>Aloha, <P>L<BR> <P>

L, Where do you get your info I know you do not want to do anymore but I wouldnt mind looking into some of what you are doing. You answered my question regarding the terrot card reading that my H went to.<P>Thanks Michelle

Leilana, don't mind this post, I just wanted to find out if I/we could post to the threads that had been started before the "merge". I have already posted to you on the other thread.

Omg, Leilana, I'm sitting here cracking up because it is soooo very true!!!!<P>I take an hour to get ready every morning, lol no matter where I'm going