Deb:<P>I'm praying for you...stay strong. Something's gotta give soon one way or the other.<P>Catnip =^^=

<B> cl </B>, I don't know if he will come back here or not. He doesn't seem real excited about he idea, I've asked him to before. He didn't. He does know I have posted about this here. I don't know how he feels, the man will not talk. <P><B> catnip </B> I'm hanging on.<P><BR>I did talk to him again yesterday, and he kissed me before he left for work. I think he needs help with understanding that I am not Mike, I am Deb and there are certian things I need in my life in order to be content. I'm not even asking for happy anymore, to me that's a pipe dream now . Sorry but I would rather be honest. He can be content with living like room mates it seems. I can't , if I want a room mate I'll move in with my Mother. I want a husband one who doesn't mind kissing me or making love to me.

Hi Deb,<BR>You & I made the decision not to pursue divorce at about the same time last spring, giving our H's another chance--which they wanted.<P>I'm wondering if the thought that the marital relationship does indeed take work might be a factor? And after these months, it can seem like an endless sentence, if you aren't in the proper thought mode.<P>Throughout a month, Guard & I hit on all cylinders, but never all at the same time. We happened to be talking to a male acquaitance who left his wife & kids for the *perfect* woman, the guy knows nothing about our situation and said he wished his marriage had been as solid as ours. Guard & I just looked at each other for a moment. We are determined to be together, but I don't know that either of us thinks of "us" as solid. So, Guard says something like "Marriage is hard work".<P>I agree of course, but inside I thought...loving me is hard work? Oh, yeah, the talking, the affection, the doing stuff together, the family time, the couple time, sex...<P>Most of the time we kiss like Grandma's in the room. Is it trouble, or is it being married for 17 years? The past 2 1/2 years seem to be gone, our patterns from before the affair are asserting themselves. I think I'd like for him to be grabbing me and smooching on me...but there's no abstinance to make the heart grow fonder. He doesn't have to be the male hunter looking for a mate...he's back in protecting-the-homefire-mode. <P>Anyway, that's where I find myself. I think there's still a little residual "he did all those things for HER" that crops up within me. I'm not her. Don't want to be her. But, she didn't deserve the romance he gave her, I do. And, like you, I can't make it into conflict, because, although he no longer walks out, his reaction is to "disappear" even if he's right in front of me.<P>We do talk quite a bit about emotional needs. We both aware of what makes us both tick, even if the priorities do seem to have shifted with our reconciliation. Can you just say to Mike, "it's time for a kiss" or whatever it is that you need? We're having some success with that. "I need to ________ is that all right with you." POJA.<P>Anyway, hugs & prayers to you Deb.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

hi deb,<BR>he must be feeling something! Just cannot put it into words? Some people are just not good at expressing their feelings. I am one of those-it is very hard for me-much easier to clam up and withdraw than to get into emotional expressions. Especially when I know h will not like/understand/appreciate what I am saying! <BR>Keep at the plan a stuff, even though the going is so hard right now. He came around before and he will again. Dang do I get tired of people telling me to give things time! But that is what I am suggesting to you!

Hi Deb,<P>Sorry you are going through this. <P>I wish I had some wisdom. Something must be up. <P>All I can do is give you a cyber hug.<P><BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}}}}}}} and if you want the frying pan back just let me know.<P>

Hi Debs<P>Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My husband doesen't kiss me either unless its a quick peck on the way out the door. He will hug me etc but no intimate contact like kissing.<P>It is so awful to think that my husband cannot bring himself to kiss me intimately but he had no problem with his 20 year old bit on the side.<P>A body can only take so much of this.<P>Dimples

Deb, any update?<P>My h had a light switched on when he realized recently marriage is not something that happens to you, it is something you MAKE happen. I think that is the context of the hard work comments. Sometimes, it takes going the extra mile, making the other one feel loved when you are tired and have so many concerns of your own.<P>My h is realizing this. I told him today I feel empty and he gave me a really nice hug and said he realizes he has been caught up in his work again...<P>Old habits don't die easily, new ones have to be built from scratch and yes, it takes EFFORT.<P>Lor, like that word, better?

Update ? Well, kinda, I have actually gotten about four kisses since last week when I told him I can't live like this anymore. Yea yea LB I know. I just don't care about that as much now, it is a big LB to me for him not to do it. <P>:: somedays being married just plain bites. Yesterday was the 23rd anniversary of our first (and only ) date. <P>I just don't know anymore<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Why is it an LB?

Bozos Deb,<P>Not knowing your history, I can only speculate.<P>Men like admiration - at least I do. We also like to be wanted and desired - just like women. Does your Plan A include giving him compliments? <P>I know how you feel about kissing. I have been reduced to receiving pecks. We do kiss during sex however, your frequency for sex is far more often than mine. <P>I write my wife a love letter every anniversary. In my last one, I told her the best thing I liked about making love with her was kissing. I got no response. <P>I don't really have any advice other than to try and love him the best you can. <P>out of the ashes

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by schizzo:<BR><B>Why is it an LB? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It is a LB for him to refuse to kiss me, because it in my eyes is a rejection not just of kissing but of me. And he has rejected me too often for it not to hurt worse and worse each time.<P>

Deb, I apologize for not being clear. I meant why is it an LB to tell him????<P>Of course, you should not just keep going without your needs being met. It hurts like hell!!

Bozos_Deb,<P>I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through right now. Life is a challenge. There is an up and down in life. You take what you can have and hope that you will get more than life itself.<P>Deb, at least you get a kiss. I don’t even get a touch from her. We are in the same house, but we live like we are within an invisible fence.<P>OOOO<BR>

Ohhhh ok Schizzo, what is a LB to him is for me to complain about it. Ypou see to Mike as long as he is happy then everyone should be happy too, no matter how unhappy they really are. He doesn't want to hear about it, ever, in anyway. That's just how he is. But when he decides he's unhappy, well that is when he decides to find something better. <P>For everyone else going through this too, I am so sorry that any of us have to be in this boat. It inhales sharply deeply and for a long period of time if you get my drift..

Hi Bozo Debs <P>There's a lighthouse ahead, why dont we just jump off the boat LOL <P>Dimples

Hiya Deb -<P>How are things progressing? And they have progressed a bit......he is giving you some kisses since you told him!!!<P>Did you hold it in, create scenarios, get yourself all worked up and then spring it on him from that point of view? If so, perhaps what was hindering a lucid response from him was your being so worked up.<P>OR maybe he just has to be told when it happens and then it be let go, then to ponder and bring up after so many weeks, months or occurrences?<P>Did you point out to him that he used to kiss you just fine up till 3 months ago and ask what has changed?<P>What about the admiration angle? Has he been feeling necessary? Wanted, admired?<P>Just throwing out possibles.....<P>You know that I can't understand this "non-talking" thing...ridiculousness!!<P>They can sure talk when they want to though!!!! <P>Why make life so much harder.....?<P>AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!<P>We love Ya, Deb....<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba <p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited October 14, 2000).]

Hi Sheba,<P>Well let's see, I did talk to him calmly at first, then I got tired of feeling like talking to the wall would have gotten farther, so I stopped talking for awhile. <P>And then I taked and cried, that got me nowhere too.<P>Then I told him I will not live this way anymore because it hurts too much . <P>He did do some heavy duty kissing last night so maybe he has begun to see, I am not getting my hopes up though. Too often he will respond for a few days , I get all happy thinking things will be ok and then he goes right back to the way things were. It makes me nuts.<P>I'm just tired Sheba, so very tired emotionally, and this blasted treatment makes me even tireder physically. <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>