Hey Jo:<P>Read SKM reply on OnOffOnOff's thread today if you haven't already. I think there some help for you there.<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<P>

Thanks Faye, I'll go read.<P>How are you doing???<P>Jo

Hey Jo,<BR>I'm no expert on anything, but there's one thing here that no one's mentioned yet. I thought the no-contact rule was to be broken when (and only when) he was ready to give up the OW and come back to you. He's NOT doing that! The purpose of your plan b was to prevent further pain. Not only is he breaking the conditions you set forth, he's lamenting about no sex from ow because of no divorce from you yet??? Geez. Just look at the mountains of pain he's causing you. At the risk of hurting your feelings or offending you, I have to agree with catplay that your H is a dirtbag for all he's done. You deserve better Jo. I just want to add how much I respect your loyalty to this man. You are a truly honorable person. Keep on being strong Jo. <BR>=============<BR>Oops. I just reread the beginning of the thread and realized your H didn't break the no contact rule (exactly). So I was unduly harsh. The dirtbag assessment still stands. <p>[This message has been edited by lonesome heart (edited October 19, 2000).]

Jo:<P>I read your posts with much anxiety because it occurs to me you are so completely mezmerized and addicted to your husband that you cannot bear to be without him. This is hard for me to admit, but I know how you feel because I am guilty of this obsession too.<P>We share the the complication of the OC's but my husband and I are in a tenuous recovery. My battle is not with an OW but with his mental illness and related problems.<P>It was only when I realized that my own sense of self was disappearing, because of my obsession, that I decided to end my marriage when my husband finally stepped out of his fog and began actively working on the marriage. My way isn't the right way for everyone but it worked for me.<P>When I made that decision and meant it, he knew in his heart I was deadly serious and he could no longer could rely on my extremely strong feelings for him to keep me hanging. He knew he was loosing me. I knew I would miss him the rest of my life but I had to let go to save myself.<P>This was the toughest thing I had ever done in my life because this man was and is everything to me. <P>The jury is still out on whether or not his recommitment to the marriage is sincere effort on his part. Perhaps in a few more months I will be able to discern whether or not I am one of the lucky ones; one of the success stories. Right now I am taking it slowly and watching and paying attention to my instincts. As soons as I know for certain, or at least as certain as one can be after this kind of soul shattering destruction, I will be able to map a course for myself as to put everything I have into the marriage or say good-bye to the one man I would love to be with for all my life.<P>At some point, Jo, no matter how damn attractive they are to us on any level...spiritual, emotional, physical or animal magnetism...no matter how mezmerized, obsessed or addicted, we have to save ourselves.<P>Maybe I am wrong about all this but it seems to me that you feel so sorry for your husband's pain when you are the only one who is suffering the most and in the most horrific pain of your life...what comfort and what empathy does he show you...what remorse? Jo, you must put yourself first.<P>Now that the divorce is on hold for a time, let the whore make his life miserable enough where he will be able to see what a harpie she is and what a haven you are.<P>God bless you, Jo. You have been through so much and I will pray for you to be released from your desperation to hang on to something that is so toxic to you. Most of all, pray for God's will for you.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=