Dear Az Allison,<BR>In my humble opinion,it is better to tell son the truth.It seems as tho he feels destressed by not knowing.As you stated "HE knows there is more to the story"<BR> When he knows the truth,then he can start to heal,but until then he is dealing with the unknown.<BR> Love and Prayers,Beth<BR>

Az, my kids are young, so not speaking from experience, but I think children should know the truth (with the least amount of details).<P>I know you've read all the books out there, but I'm just getting to Chapman's 5 love languages. Funny, him not feeling appreciated and you that he wasn't giving you time not only explained us to a tee, but was the first example...<P>Take care of yourself...

worthatry (and everyone)<P>I have the same sort of questions myself. The minimum I'd want to say is that Mom and Dad have problems, and that Mom wants to be alone for awhile, but that we love them and they will see both of us. She wanted to say "dad and mom don't love each other anymore", which is not going to be the statement. How awful. She refuses to pick up a book that she might learn from. I actually want to say that "Mom doesn't want to be with dad now, and has someone else", but my 4.5 year old won't benefit from that spitefulness. I also wonder what I'd tell them when they got older, because if she doesn't come back, I want them to know I did everything I could.

worthatry<BR>Only you know your son well enough to know if he can understand the truth, but I believe in telling enough of the truth that he can understand whether your wife approves of it or not. In my opinion, telling the truth shouldn't be labeled a "lovebuster".....seems to me that would apply only if you tell the truth in a deliberate effort to cause hurt to your spouse. I just believe you need to weigh all of your options and choose the one that is healthiest for your son. You are the stable parent in his life right now and he needs some answers. Perhaps you could ask your pastor, his pediatrician, or a school counselor how to talk to him in a way that will minimize his hurt.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

We chose not to tell our kids. I think they would truly hate their dad if they knew and I don't want that. I have occasionally wondered if that was the right decision or not. I saw a counselor a few weeks ago and he agreed with our decision not to tell. (Our 16 year old has an eating disorder and we felt that it would be too much for her, as well as her sister.) <P>In light of George W. Bush's DUI coming out after 24 years and his saying that he had kept it quiet because he didn't want his daughters to know, I have also wondered how we would handle it if it comes out even many years from now. I don't know the answer to that one. <P>------------------<BR>"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Allison,<BR>Wish I had an easy answer for you as I have asked myself this very question. I have talked to my mom about it and she says that they know what is going on. Kids are NOT stupid. They are very perceptive and unfortunately have watched enough TV these days that they can probably guess what is going on. My kids knew something was 'wrong' even before I did. The older two (18,16) I have a feeling know exactly what is going on. The younger two, no, but their actions have clued me into the fact that they know things are not okay. My H is oblivious to this, which further supports my belief that he does not know his own children. I could go off on that one, but won't here.<P>Since things have progressed to the point that they have, I would be honest. Not ugly, but just honest. And with an 18 yr old you can be honest about a lot of things. It probably will not be easy for either of you, but if it is tearing your son apart, he needs to know the truth so he can deal with honestly and openly (hopefully) too. I can only think that someday he would be happy that you shared it with him and might bring a new element of trust betweent he two of you.