I wish you luck, and I'm happy that you're working so hard to rebuild your marriage. I do want you to know, however, that around 90% of the time, the BS ends up finding out about the affair if it's a person that you both know and have frequent contact with. The OW is also married - your odds are worse because HER H could find out, and it sounds like he would tell your W if he knew that you were the OM in the situation. How do you know the OW won't confess everything? How do you know she hasn't told anybody who might leak it to you wife?<P>The easiest way out, obviously, is for your wife to never find out. Is that likely with as close as this circle is - no. I agree with most everybody here - you should tell her yourself. You're afraid that your marriage will end, so you're lying about it. But if/when your wife finds out from somebody else, not only do you have the affair harming your marriage, you have the affair AND the lying that you have to work through. The trust will be infinitely more difficult to restore. <P>I hope the best for you, but I have a feeling in the long run, you'll have to learn this the hard way. If you had a one-night-stand 3000 miles from where you live with somebody who doesn't know your name, and DEFINITELY didn't have an STD is about the ONLY way that you *might* be able to rest assured a BS wouldn't find out about an affair. But if it's another couple that you and your wife know and spend time with, I would be prepared for the possibility that she will find out, and you'll have an even harder road.<P>If you did decide to tell her, I would have it be in a counseling or church environment, with SOMEBODY else there who is qualified and experienced in dealing with this kind of situation. I know that if my H had told me about his A instead of me finding out through a botched STD test, our trust level would be a LOT better than it is now, because he would have been honest about it. Me having to find out shows that I can never trust him - he did it the first time and lied to my face about it, why should I believe he's not doing it now and not lying again?
