OK, I've had some time to consider what comments I wanted to make concerning this thread.<P>First, let me say thank you to those who have replied to my W with diet ideas and information. I truly appreciate your taking the time to offer suggestions and support to her.<P>Just Learning -- You said: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I would be willing you bet your H doesn't want you to: starve yourself, doesn't want you going on a diet that means you are not part of the family, and he doesn't want you skinny. There have been many studies and more are being done that show the normal male doesn't find the "perfect" model figure to be the most attractive.<P>What you see is women with those figures are willing to dress more provocatively, are more forthcoming in their social interactions. Most men actually prefer women with some "meat" on their bones.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I tend to agree with this.<P>You know folks, weight can be a very unsualy topic to address. When ever my W has commented that she is fat, I have told her that if she is not happy with the way she is, to do something about it. . .<P>I have also told her that diet alone iwill never get "you" to where you want to be. That "you" must include excercise / activity in order to reform "your" body as well.<P>Now, concerning my W directly, for a very long time, she has not eaten more than one meal a day. Those meals almost never include meat, or if they do, it is a portion that would starve a 3 year-old. She tends to prefer Junk foods and candy to anything else. At least two, and preferably three balanced meals a day will do much more to help "you" lose weight than starvation diets.<P>I have never commetned negatively on my W's weight. And that includes during the time we were dating. I have been much more concerned about my own appearance than I have ever been about hers.<P>Now, for the record, she is probably 60 pounds heavier now than when we were dating. You know what . . . So am I. Could we both afford to lose weight . . . absolutely, but weight alone is not a fator involved in anything.<P>Concerning the comments directly related to me and my perceived infidelity . . .I will be drafting a post soon which will give my thoughts and responses.

Dear Hopeful,<P>Here is a good opportunity to discuss about the issue of sharing with H's coworker and other fears, and come to a great agreement about the issues of communications, trust, acceptable boundaries with regards to people of the opposite gender, rebuilding, speaking the truth including insecurities and fears, etc..<P>I really wished my WS has the courage to post here and I really wish I have the generosity to share all of you with WS. WS knows about this site but I don't think he likes me to post here. I hope you both can go to a joint marital counselling to address those issues. <P>I am glad that both of you are here, and wants to reach a wonderful state of marital bliss, so lets get the knots out of the way. okay?<P>God bless you<BR>weep

Have you read your husbands post?<P>You know, I'm not in a very good place tonight, so I have no business replying to you...but hey...what the hell.<P>He doesn't care how much you fricken weigh....HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Got it?<P>He cares about how much you love him. Why are you pushing him toward this confused woman. <P>Did you read your husbands post? He is feeling totally emasculated...and guess what...there are plenty of women out there that would love to have a 42 year old man...well endowed or not!!! <P>Turn off the computer and go to him and tell him how much you love him...how very very sorry you are for betraying him...how wonderful and honest he is. Get this silly woman with the four kids and the crappy marriage out of your lives for God sakes...how could that possibly help either one of you to deal with her and her problems. Quit dealing with her...give her the MB website and wash your hands of this annoyance and get to work.<P>I'm sure he has faults...he's not perfect, no one is...but why are you testing him? Do you want to see if he's going to have an affair because you did? Sure doensn't sound like it to me. You did enough of a number on his self esteem that I think he's pretty much yours if you want him.<P>Sorry this is so blunt. I'm tired and I'm fed up with all these games. If you love each other...get rid of the outside crap and tell each other. <P>It's not about how much you weigh...not at all...and you know it. It's about how much you love.<P>allison

Oooh... allison, you are TOUGH!<P>And I agree with every single word you said!<P>I've said this before here on this forum: The slug that my husband is with is: fat, dumb, ugly, selfish and lazy. <P>I am not a Barbie doll, by any means, *I* am: voluptuous (like that one?), very intelligent, attractive, giving and motivated.<P>I could say to myself that I am fat, but I prefer to think of myself as voluptuous or full-figured. Why not try to love yourself as you are instead of trying to be someone you are not? Your husband loves you as you are! Negative self-talk will sink you sure as anything. Positive self-talk may not make you skinny, but it will sure change your outlook about you!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Well I've decided that losing the weight would be a good thing. But I also think that watching what I eat, excersing more and really going at the diet after the holidays would be the best thing I could do. I've decided that with or without my H help I will lose the weight. If he doesn't want to help I won't make him. If I decided I want to go for a walk then I will. Maybe I'll take my D with me. He works hard at work. He gets up at 3 every morning and doesn't get home until after 4 in the afternoon. He needs to just rest and relax after he gets home. But I will go full force at this diet thing after the new year.