How are you doing this morning hon?<P>allison

Hi Allison,<P>Thanks for checking in with me. I'm okay I guess. No hang over from the Jaegermiester(sp). Just abit tired and very depressed.<P>Talk to the OM last night for a bit. He was somewhat miffed that I hadn't called him back and he couldn't get in touch.<P>Really good to talk with you last night. I guess I have to let go of this. It's hard to imagine ... me not being Mrs. Steve any longer. He has done some pretty unconscionable things that have hurt me, the scars are probably going to be everlasting. <P>What really sucks is after time everyone will forget all the horrid crap he has layed on me but I have to carry it around in my mind and heart for years to come. I don't know how he could be so uncaring, it disgusts me. To file on my BDay and have me struggle thru the Holidays alone is about the worse way someone could do "THIS".<P>I'm so stupid ... I thought and hoped that if this did have to happen it could be in a loving manner somehow ... with consideration and respect. I really am stupid in believing that after you've spent 20 years together that it meant something to us both.<P>He's mad it more than hard to be nice now (Plan A). It's almost like he is trying to destroy me emotonally, altho he'd probably say something like "Just bad timing, Joanne".<P>Well, thank you all for being there for me. I have no idea what's going to happen to me now. I certainly don;t want to move ver to D/D. It scares me. I never wanted to be divorced from Steve ... I hurt thinking this is it. And it is IT because regardless what Steve says, Divorce is FINAL.<P>Jo

Jo,<P>I'm so sorry. Your H is a twin of my H.<BR>seems like he almost wanted you to see how much you can take.. My H did exactly the same thing. But thing is, I'm sure you know, he just doesn't care about your(my for my H) feeling---he does whatever he wants.<P>He's just a coward.<BR>And the e-mail you sent him and the things you said to him on the phone. I did the same thing..<P>But he(my H or yours) is sick, period. Anything that makes sense doesn't make sense to him.<P>I also thought we could be in a loving relationship after the D. But now, I don't think so. I have so much pain but I know it's better for me. For me it's better to just bury it and forget about it...<P>I'm signing the D paper this week, I'm seeing H tomorrow or Tuesday. I think I will have to see him 2 more times and that will be the end. I have fun when I see him but after that I have so many pains and I shouldn't torture myself.<P>I know this isn't what you wanted. I'm very sorry. But think about it, he doesn't respect you at all. I know you love him but right now to be around him does no good for you.<P>I'm sending lots of hugs..<P>((((((((((((((((((((Jo))))))))))))))))))))<P>Meg

Jo,<P>Don't worry about your response(s) to Steve; as long as he didn't lose any blood, I think that they we're pretty mild.<P>This is a major reason for the no contact rule, however. You really want to keep separated from these behaviors, and if Steve-Lena want a divorce, you should force him to do most of the work. Don't even think about Plan A at this point. Plan B. Let a lawyer handle any legal contact, but other than that, you should completely cut off Steve. For your sake.<P>

Jo and Meg - hey, y'all are almost a Little Women book. <P>Meg, you commented that Jo's husband is the twin of yours. <P>Well, my x is the third in the set. Never told me he was filing for a divorce. He was in our children's bedroom,talking to his sister on the phone. The baby monitor was on so I turned the receiver on and heard him tell her that he was filing the next day. What a schmuck.<P>Turns out that I am better off emotionally without him. Not financially. But money doesn't buy happiness.

Cinderella,<P>Funny you said that.. because OW's name is "Amy", so when I was seeing a therapist at some point she said it was like "little women", and my H had to find someone named Jo and Beth. Then I told her that Amy's name is actually Amy Beth so we had a laugh about it..<P>I totally agree with you about you(or I) are better off without H. I'm not good at Plan A, and also not patient so I can't take too much emotional abuse.<P>Cinderella, hope you are well.<P>(sorry for crashing your thread, JO!)<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited December 11, 2000).]

Carolina Belle,<BR> I smiled when you described Miss Lana as looking like the lady from throw momma off the train. <BR>you are funny!<P>dear Jo,<BR>Not to funny for you I know ,going through all this c&*#.Your H must really be in a thick fog to fall for someone like that.Hope he wakes up soon. <P> Love and Prayers, Beth<P>

Hi guys ...<P>I talked with my attorney on the phone and I'm seeing him tonight to hammer out the particulars.<P>Just wanted to share how this filing process works in the State of WA ... now that I have first hand experience.<P>My H filed on Dec 5th ... the following Friday it showed in the local newspaper under Statistics - Intent of Marriage Dissolutions. This is standard practice.<P>Then 10 days later they attempt to serve you ... once served the 90 day clock starts ticking ... if the terms are contested a trial date is set and the 90 day clock stops ticking. Once the 90 days have hit, you're D.<P>So ... if they can't find you to serve you, they cannot start the clock. They attempt to serve you for approx 6 weeks, if unsuccessful then the spouse who filed has to appear before a judge to secure a order to place a add in the paper "legal notices" stating intent to Divorce. I'm unclear what happens subsequent to that tho.<P>Hope this helps anyone living in the State of WA who may be facing the same. And if you are ... I'm truly sorry for your pain. My heart goes out to you.<P>Love,<BR>Jo<BR>

Hope you are doing better. Prayers going your way.

Hi Jo:<P>Well, old "spinless" has been at it again. The coincidence of your birthday and the date of filing is strange. Could Lana have had a hand in that? Or being that he is in la-la land maybe he just forgot (although he didn't try to defend himself about that).<P>Everyone is right...you don't deserve this...but I wish you would try and not take it personally...it's just his selfishness....not really meant to hurt you but just inconsideration of others feelings.<BR>I know that's a hard concept for people like you and I...people that would do anything rather then hurt someone's feelings...but some people don't see the hurt they are causing. They are too wrapped up in themselves. <P>Now if Steve has been this way in the past then it may be an extention of what his basic character is...but if generally you consider him a good man (would you have married him and stayed married to him for 20 years if he was the piece of ***p he's acting like now?)...then you can hope that some day he will see the mistake he's made. <P>I can say this because I see so much of my WS in Steve...although he has been fairly consistent about rejecting divorce and she has set ultimatums and he has stood up to her. I don't think my WS has the emotional attachment to his OW that Steve has and certainly the child added to the mixture is going to make things even more difficult for him. <P>Things have cooled between OW and my H...and he has decribed the hold she had on him as being on a sexual tether...he would have done anything she wanted to continue that. She just wanted more then that. I can see Steve under this same spell. Now I'm not making excuses for him...and it still hurt's like H**l I know...but until you remove yourself from it and let it work itself out then you will be drug through the mud time and time again.<P>Yes, he may have filed for divorce...but he's telling you that it's not final. And that's true. It won't be final until the Judge pronounces you divorced. He may be stalling for time with Lana.<P>He will probably work his way out of this mess in time...whether you will still be around to pick up the pieces again...or whether you should even care about being around...is up to you. Only you know how much you can take. Either way you will survive and someday you will be happy again...with or without Steve.<P>Until then, I send you...<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye

Jo my heart goes out to you tonight. Plan B will help you a lot. Not to have to listen to him "defend" himself. Don't worry about the LB's you are human after all. There are a lot worse things people do when they are drug thru the streets of infidelity. I actually struck my H. The first time in 40 years of living that I had ever raised my hand to someone. Shock, pain, humiliation, etc. We all have our breaking point. Just know that all of us are here for you. Jenni