Cleo - HEY, at leest this rassler kan reed, tipe and rite! <P>Allison -

He** yea! from one southerner to another, yee haa!!!<BR>You crack me up, which is a nice thing to happen every now and then. <P>thanks,<BR>cleo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by opposite shoes:<BR><B>has anyone ever met the op and actually found them likeable? is it possible for an x and step to become friends?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>OS - Yes it is possible, but not likely until the betrayed spouse/Ex has recovered and has somehow overcome their resentment. I'm ashamed to be writing in response to your question. I came to this site looking for insight on my own personal problem. <BR> My husband of 17 years had an affair. He told me of his affair on 6/9/99. We have two adopted daughters, and I was mortified about what this might do to them. They had already lost one family; how could he put them through it again? I have never been more hurt by anything in my life. And I have had a lot of hurtful things happen in my life. He continued to maintain contact with the OP until six months ago. During the time after he revealed the affair and he ended contact (which I'm not sure has truly ended), he told me I was crazy when I told him I knew he was continuing the relationship. He said that I was destroying our chances of recovery by my suspicions, until I finally proved he was lying. I then left him (Plan B), but was unable to maintain my distance. I am a weak person. We are together again, but struggeling.<BR> Anyway, the reason I am writing is because I was once the OP. My husband and I met at work many years ago when we were both married to our first spouses. My husband, at the time (i.e. my first husband), was borderline mentally abusive and my current H knew all about my situation (yes, I was a babbeling idiot--I was supporting my first husband when I was only 22, I lived in a major city 12 hours from my family in a rural community, and I was so alone I began telling people of my situation in order to keep from going crazy--not a good thing for me or anyone else). I had what I considered to be a crush on my current H, but never flirted or consciously gave any indication of how I felt. Then one day, my current H told me he really enjoyed talking to me and that he was having problems in his marriage. After that, he began asking me to go to lunch, for drinks after work, and eventually to a hotel. <BR> It felt so good to be loved. I revelled in it in the beginning, but quickly went to my first husband and told him that I found myself attracted to someone else and wanted us to work on our marriage. He in turn told me he didn't love me and we should never have been married. The result...I was free.<BR> Afterward, my current H's X called to talk to me. My current H had given some indication that he was interested in me. She and I had lunch twice, during which I told her I felt he was infatuated with me and what I thought she could do to solidify her relationship with him. She decided to divorce him immediately, however. As a result (direct result...I do not believe my current H would ever have divorced her if she hadn't done it), he and I were both free to pursue our relationship. And we created a loving marriage that lasted for many years.<BR> HOWEVER, I'm here to tell you. What goes around, comes around. Now I'm the betrayed spouse and what I foolishly thought would never happen to me did in fact happen. You can become friends with the X; my husband's X knows of our current situation and she has actually given me support. She is happily married now and has expressed her hope that my current H (her X) and I will work it out. She has told me she often thought that he and I were the perfect couple and that I did her a favor by releasing her to go and find her perfect husband to whom she is now married. But the fact still remains that what I did was so VERY, VERY wrong and I am now paying for it. If they've done it once (as my Grandmother told me when she learned of my situation) they will do it again. This may not always be true, just as it isn't always true that those who enter into affairs can't end up together for life. But the chances are good that the behavior will be repeated if the going gets even a little tough. <BR> Yes, you can like the Ex and you can become friends. But be careful not to make your lover (betrayer of his spouse) unhappy. Because the chances are he will not stick around with you if you aren't perfect. And none of us are.<BR>

Dear OS,<BR>Friends? You cannot possibly be serious?<BR>Yeah yeah.....all the nice talk abt forgiveness is one thing. But friends?<BR>Maybe my attitude is not as christian as some would like to read here, but it is MY attitude. Every ounce of it....<BR>What relationship is it that you are building here if you are the OW and seem perfectly content to continue? <P>