Well....Look at ALL the familiar and wonderful names on this thread!!! I am nostalgic and misty-eyed!!! Hi Everyone!!!!<P>Oh....and Hi SHA!!! (tee-hee!)<P>You are coming along nicely on "your" path towards bettering yourself hopefully she will catch up. That is up to her for the most part. You keep some forward motion for yourself going and all will work out in the way that is best for you. I truly believe that God is right there with all of you.<P>She just hasn't opened up enough to realize it yet!!! Have faith, Buddy!!!<P>Gosh, I miss all you guys!!!!<P>BIG HUGS and LOVE to all....oh and a small arm punch to you SHA!!!<P>Sheba

Hi, I remember you, SHA. I wondered how you were doing. I empathize with your situation. We have the same kind. Only one child though, and we are still together for his sake. H has lots of contact with the OW. She's better known around his office than I ever was, though she's taken a new job. THere's little or no physical affection, he's told me we'll never be lovers again. We're in counseling, which he hates. He becomes monotone and quieter than usual. I would never tell this to my friends. Nor would I expect the neighbors to confide these type of things to me. Wonder how many such "non-marriages" there are out there?<P>At least your kids have you there!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Hi, I remember you, SHA. I wondered how you were doing. I empathize with your situation. We have the same kind. Only one child though, and we are still together for his sake. H has lots of contact with the OW. She's better known around his office than I ever was, though she's taken a new job elsewhere. THere's little or no physical affection, he's told me we'll never be lovers again. We're in counseling, which he hates. He becomes monotone and quieter than usual. \<P>I need this privacy and anonymity here on the Boards. I would never tell this to my friends. Nor would I expect the neighbors to confide these type of things to me. Wonder how many such "non-marriages" there are out there?<P>At least your kids have you there!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

HI Old Friend,<BR> First let me say that you are a GREAT man and a GREAT Father. I've always admired your courage. You are in my prayers as always. Seek God first and don't give up! GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK

<B>Sheba</B><BR>Hey Warrior Gal! You certainly have a lot of faith Sheba. I need a good dose of that every now and again. I don't know if I will agree that it will work out best for me. I do think it will work out according to God's plan even if it isn't what I desire. Day by day - right? A big and a a small arm punch too my good friend. <P><B>Bellevue</B><BR>Hi Belle. I certainly know how you feel in regards to no affection. It's tough going isn't it? At least you're in counseling, that's something and it may help in time. Keep trying. Hopefully your child will be the benefactor of all your efforts. I fear there are too many non-marriages out there. The bright side is that we recognoize it and are trying to reconcile what has happened. My wife has said the same thing your husband has. She has no physical desire for me at all and doesn't think she will ever be able to get it back. After over two years, I'm starting to believe her. But, I keep trying to be a good husband in areas she will allow me to be. Best wishes to you Belle. Hopefully our mate's hearts will soften.<P><B>PLEASE HELP</B><BR>Hi Frank. Thank you for the much needed praise. I'm reminded of the quote "Heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regarless of the consequences." I believe all of us who are working to heal our marriages are heroes. You're good man Frank and one of my heroes. Best wishes buddy.<p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited January 15, 2001).]

O, found it!!<P>SHA, I can only hope that your commitment to your marriage will give you the fruits of a happy relationship. I admire you so much for sticking it out. I agree that right now your kids are so, so important. I was the same place as you, had my H. wanted to give up the other woman, I would have stayed and tryed my best to work on the marriage. And, if it wasn't any better, if there was not another person involved, I could have done the same as you. <BR>But I do agree with your assessment that if she were to get re-involved with the OP, then it would place a different light in things. Only then can you decide what is best for you. <BR>For me, I had to learn to let go at that point. He did not want our marriage, or me. So, Plan B went into place. Yes, it did lead to divorce, and I wish it could have been different. <BR>So, life goes on. Just the painful scars of a life that could have been remain. I admire you and your dedication so much. Many of us here wish we would of had a partner like you.<P>------------------<BR>Susan

SHA...<P>Your post...<BR>...in fact many of those long-term veterans who understand Plan A...<P>..reminds me of one of my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/003890.html" TARGET=_blank>inspirational</A> posts...<P>Have you made any suggestion to your W to "Pray" ("P" of P.U.S.H.) with your W on a daily basis?<P>If she doesn't hear <B>your</B> message...<BR>...and <I>maybe</I> the kids aren't delivering it either...<BR>...there is Plan "P"?!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

<B>Susan</B><BR>Thank you for the praise it is VERY much appreciated. I do admire your courage for moving on. I know the decision was a difficult one, but necessary for your situation. I hope the the RIGHT man crosses your path and the Lord will bless you abundantly. Thanks again for the encouragement. <P><B>NSR</B><BR>Hi Jim. What in the world would MB be with you? Jim you're the cornerstone for this forum. We are all blessed that you are here. <BR>Thank you for the link to your inspirational post. My wife and I used to pray togther every day. As with most things, when we lose focus of what is really important, all areas of our life suffer. <P>Prayer was one of the first areas in our marriage to suffer. Other areas of intimacy began to crumble and....well...here we are.<P>I have asked my wife to pray together. She knows I pray for us and our family every day. She is now finally participating in the evening meal prayer and she also is starting to pray with the kids again. Another glimmer of hope is that she wanted to start going back to church. I, of course, jumped at that suggestion and we are now going back to church as a family after two years. <P>As you can imagine, there are several areas that give me hope that my marriage will survive. I get frustrated with the amount of time it takes, but God's timetable isn't the same as mine. I suppose the Lord is teaching me patience in a BIG way. I just wish He would hurry up the lesson! <P>Satan also has a way of working on our mind to pull us down. The every day thoughts of "you're wasting your time, she doesn't love you anymore", "why bother with the effort, your marriage is already dead", "I'm sure there is some other woman out there who would really appreciate you", "if she really cared about your marriage, would she still have feeling for another man", etc. I will say those thoughts pound away at you and it's tough to fight through them and do what you know is right. <P>But, when you take the attention away from yourself and look at the BIG picture, you gain strength from the Lord in facing each day. I ask myself "Am I teaching my boys how to love, honor, and respect their future wife?", "Am I an example of the type of man I want my daughter to marry?". Thankfully, my wife is still at home. While she isn't responding the way I would like her to, she is their and there is a glimmer of hope for a more loving marriage in the future. <P>Well, I certainly got off on a tangent. <P>Jim, thank you for your gift of compassion to all of us. I'm glad I posted an update. My strength has been renewed by all of these wonderful posts.<P>SHA

Psstt...Sir HA<BR>You are my hero.<BR>Do you think you could send a little of that patience, peace and wisdom this way?<BR> <P>------------------<BR>wassi

Hey wassi!<P>Hmmmmmmm...share my patience? Well, I can loan you some, just hurry up and give it back! <P>Thanks for the praise. <P>You're a good Lady.<P>SHA