Update - After my son couldn't contact her Friday night, he stayed with me. We didn't hear anything from her all day yesterday (Saturday). This is very unusual as she talks to our son on a daily basis and usually has him Sat. nights. I was getting worried that I touched such a raw nerve that she was doing something drastic, so I tried to contact her this morning (Sunday). After getting no answer an her apprtment, I finally paged her and she called from her apartment. I simply said I was worried and wanted to make sure she was all right. She was still PO'd at me big time AND at son for not calling her. Truth is that son tried several times Friday night and got no answer.<P>Anyway, she says she can never forgive me for what I said and it was like twisting a knife in her gut. She said it was a wake up call for her. She said that I still can't control my abusive remarks despite being on anti-deps and she doesn't think I've improved anything at all. "What's going to happen when you come off the meds?" she asked. I just kept my mouth shut this time and when she was finished ranting and raving I simply said that the improvements are real. She shouldn't let one "aw-s***" erase a thousand "at-a-boys." She demanded again that I get her name off the mortgage (our separation agreement stipulates this) so she can get her own place and have son and the au pair half the time. She ebded by saying it'll take her a long time to get over this one. I asked if this meant she doesn't want to work on the marriage whatsoever, and she answered just that she doesn't want to talk about it. She came over to pick up son and resisted my kiss on her cheek when she left. I gave her a copy of the e-mail message I had sent and asked her to read it. She just rolled her eyes, but took it with her.<P>Oh well. At least she's mad at son also for not calling her yesterday. I really must have hit the rawest nerve. Maybe good in a way, as Exhausted said, to provide a dose of reality once in a while by telling the cold hard truth.<P>Dave

Dave,<P>Sorry that your wife is still POd at the latest developments. You sound like you are handling it OK though. I don't think it is surprising that she is still in this state. Mine is in the "I'm settled and acting normal" state again. They reversed.<P>I know I said this already, but when I gave my "abandonment" speech this summer, I got the same responses, including never forgiving, twisting a knife, etc.<P>You know, this might be scraping the bottom of the barrel, but just the fact that she is thinking "what happens when you come off the meds", and saying "it will take a long time to get over this", and saying just that "she doesn't want to talk about the marriage" versus "YES it is over", are little good signs. She hasn't really ended it in her mind. She is just very upset. That is just my take on it.<P>Typical WS move though, mad at not only you, but also your son, for the fact that she wasn't around to get called Friday night. She knows inside what the real truth is.<P>Good move giving her the email, just to make sure she gets it. Can't hit the delete key. You know what is making her madness even worse?....what your son told her on the phone about having fun with you, and not being sure he wanted to go to see her. It is all piling up. Ride the storm on this one...you never know what this dose of reality does in the grand scheme of things.

Rick, thanks. You're a good man despite the way your wife treats you. Hope to be able to have a beer with you someday.<P>Dave

WAT,<P>LB's give the WS's the opportunity to "justify" and "validate" their actions. Deep down, your wife knows that one misstep is NOT indicative of a person's entire psychological/emotional makeup, but she will not admit that outwardly, not even to herself.<P>After reading your initial post, I would have told you to do the flowers routine - even after you said that she didn't go for that kind of stuff (we women tend to protest the expenditure while secretly cherishing the thought). However, you have apologized several times - to do flowers would be overkill at this point.<P>Keep the faith, WAT... you are a good man and a good father. You will be given the opportunity to be a good husband again.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Dave,<P>I like to get on my broom & come give your wife a kick in the derrière. <P>She is so lucky & doesn't even know it. I am so mad for you right now, I could cry.<P>Don't tell her your sorry again.<BR>

Dear Dave,<P>I sure don't have a crystal ball, but the good news about the foggy state of most WSs is that things tend to change quickly. Back in Dec., I suggested to my H that the first weekend with the kids after he left be my weekend. He seemed to agree, but then got very, very angry later and ended up leaving town for the weekend, I think with OW. This was a significant downer for me because I believe that theirs was only an EA and that they hadn't really spent much non-work time together. I felt that I had LBed him into her arms and that ALL HOPE was lost.<P>By the next weekend, he was telling me how much he appreciated how hard I was working on the marriage and expressing regret over the bad decision he had made to go down the A road instead of ever telling me he was unhappy. The weekend after that he was back here saying he wanted to work on the marriage.<P>You know what happened after that, but my point is that WSs are very volatile. And I agree with Rick, the things she is saying to you are not "I'm going ahead with the divorce" type things. She seems to be saying things to make you hurt, because the truth of what you said made her hurt.<P>Ride out the storm. I continue to think that a little shake up for her might not be all bad. I'm not sure how the denial ever ends without a shake up. Hopefully, though, she won't be able to blame her next shake up on you. But, you know how great WSs are at blaming BSs for things so she may find a way no matter what you do!