HI Sheba,<BR>Will be praying or you monday.<BR>I have heard that wearing no undies to this types of thing brings good luck! I am not kidding-though it sounds far fetched. Try it?

Sheba,<P>Let me know how the "no undies" thing works. Even if it doesn't bring good luck, you can be smiling knowing...Ha Ha I have no undies on. Let me know, I might try this one myself.<P>Pam

Hi All,<P>Have more time now and just wanted to say again how much I appreciate all the kindness. I was very low and it was one of those days when the pain is gutwrenching!! Boy, I hate those - it's good to let it out though!!<P>On some individual notes:<P>T2W - I'm sorry that your at this stage also. It certainly does ALL STINK and a few other words I could think of!!!!..... You can cry with me anytime - it helps release the pressure!!!!<P>WS - Thanks for your kind words and I know that I have to take care of me. Keep on giving that "lecture" because it is the only thing that we can really know there's a chance to accomplish!!<P>MKN - I'm sorry and can completely relate with the "yesterday" comment. It's unbelievable that my H has kept me in this hell for all these years and now it's all such a big rush!!!<BR>I hate this with every fiber of my being also. May God keep helping us with our strength!!<P>FHL - Thanks and just seeing that comforting name of yours helps me plenty!! God Bless..<P>Nellie - I'm sorry your at this point and I feel guilty for whining here when you're going through it with children. Your strength and that of others with kids that are here simply amazes me and I am humbled because I know that I would never be able to do it. <P>Alleyoop - thanks for the reminder of God's plan and yes, I wish he would give us all at least a little glimpse from time to time!! As far as H's question: perhaps the answer is not in the marriage per say, but within his opinion of himself. Does he need the boost of admiration? Feeling special is not something you get from others it is something you know about yourself!!<P>Kat - hey, twin. Still owe you an EMail. I truly felt your sadness for me through your reply and I thank you so much. You're such a caring person and I am fortunate to have come across someone so special!! <P>RWD - Thanks for your thoughts and I know that it's so hard to know what we should do and when in our circumstances. You just hang in there and keep taking care of you and the kids. I guess things will progress the way they're supposed to and for now we have to go with the flow, so to speak!! They're so wishy-washy!!!<P>HW - Thanks for the reminder of Dr. Harley's info on the two year wait. I've been doing this for three years now and I guess two more won't matter. UGH!!! At least I won't have to just concentrate on getting him to wake up in such a hurry like I am now trying to stop this divorce crap. I should be able to breath and move forward with myself once/if this part is over!! That gives me some encouragement.<P>Lu - Thanks for the "Private Lies" information. No - I have not read it and have planned on doing so when I'm done with the six others I've got here to read!! Boy, so much work for someone who stayed home and minded her P's and Q's!!!<P>Shoni -Thanks and I hope it's not the end - it might be for him, but it will never be for me!! I'm glad you liked the story - did it make you smile? Hope so!!!<P>Fighter - Thanks for the Magic Cover story - I used to do it too!!!! Complete with breathhole!! Isn't it the truth that sometimes the pain gets like you described with the siamese twin story!!!<P>Janie - I'm so sorry for all you're going through, and again, I have to say that with children - the horror of such an uproot and all it's uncertainty must be so devastating!!<BR>Talk with him - talk about what work must be done for your marriage and your family - it's time to put other topics into a spotlight rather than you and your children being in limbo and concentrating on the all important HIM!!!! Otherwise, he's wasting your time and hurting you and the children with the dangling on bologna!! No need to talk every week about him!!! You have more important things to worry about.....<P>PR - How are you doing? Are things any better with your nightmare? Thanks for the encouragement and I just needed to have a moment I guess!!<BR>I know that I need to go with it and that God's plan will be revealed in time. Just call me the lady in waiting!!!!<P>CL and PR:<P>You gals make me laugh (and blush)<P>Guys - turn your heads and close your eyes for this.....<P>CL - I like the thought and I can use the luck but there's a problem......<P>I'm going to wear a long lightweight summer dress and it's very hot and I'll be nervous so what do you do about uhhhh.....absorbancy!!!!!??????? <P>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 14, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 14, 1999).]

Patient -<P>I'm sorry - I left you out in the previous reply!!!! <P>Thank you for your encouragement and I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this.<P>Thanks for the hug and hugs right back at ya!!<P>Sheba<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 15, 1999).]

Hey Sheba<BR>Are you there? How are you doing?<BR>I've been worried about you.<BR>Right now I wish we all lived in the same city so we could have a girls night out on the town. <BR>I came to some definite conclusions last night and they ain't pretty.<BR>I will not post them here because they aren't very uplifting. Just seething at the whole bunch of them right now.<BR>Get this one:<BR>I just found out that my grandfather had an affair with the house keeper who is the aunt of one of the friends who helped me through this. A child was produced. My father's half brother. He has no other siblings. This would be my friend's cousin. Neither of us knew. Yuckkkkk!!!!!

Okay<BR>This sucks. My computer is so screwed up I can't edit my messages and it keeps double posting.<BR>sheba <BR>If anyone wonders where I am tell them my computer won't let me play anymore.<BR>good luck I'll be watching and praying. Just not posting.

Sheba -- I'm so sorry for you. You will definately be in my prayers.<P>You have offered so much help to my W since she came to this forum, I guess I didn't think / realize that you were here because you were in the same boat.<P> . . .I have re-read this post a couple of times before responding, I'm sorry for that. All this talk of court brought back the memories of when I had to appear in court after my W filed the restraining order against me. . . .brings goose bumbs. Anyway. . .I truly hope that Monday will be the first day of the restoration of your marriage. I realize this may be wishful thinking, but maybe it is something you might want to consider.<P>God Bless

WS - Oh No!!!! What happened to your computer!! I wanted to talk with you!!<P>Fix that soon!!<P>I'm doing good (at the moment, anyway!!) and am treating myself right now!!<P>I lost 4 more lbs this week alone which is too much so I made some chocolate chip cookies and am sitting here with them and a big glass of milk and am in heaven!!!!!!<P>I wish that we could get together also. It's one thing to type some advice and encouragement and it's another to look someone in the eye and truly get your concern across. Besides, we'd have likeminded company to motivate ourselves with!!!<P>I want to hear your conclusions, uplifting or not!!<P>You're right with YUCK about gramps and it goes to prove that "it's a small world".......<P>Infidelity is as old as time...... Guess we haven't progressed too much as a species towards that spirituality goal everyone spouts off about!!! <P>Hope you can post soon and I will watch for you!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Hi, I'm sorry your going through this. I'm sure God has a plan for you. Please be strong, and know I'm praying for you.<P>Carol

Hi Empty Shell -<P>I welcomed you guys back on your post so I will only ask about the sunburns - how are you all doing with that?<P>Thanks for including me in your prayers and your kind words. I appreciate them and am sorry to have brought up unpleasant memories.<P>I'm starting to get some butterflies in my stomach about Monday, but I will be OK, I'm sure!! <P>I've printed out some threads here that would point out some things to my H and I am concentrating on combining them with the letter I have been working on for him. I am at a point where I have to stop completely focusing all my energies on him and need to get the things I have to say out... The letter and the threads will do this and then it will be completely in his and God's hands!!!<P>God Bless you two also and keep working and growing together!!!<P>Sheba<P>

Carol,<P>hi and thank you for your kindness and prayers. I need all I can get!!! LOL!<P>I have been catching up after not really being around that much in the last two weeks and I am glad that you felt that "free" feeling when you went out without the MM. Please stick with your goal for yourself and make all the people's lives that are involved (especially yours and the kids) happier and less complicated.<P>You deserve to have a man that wants you and only you and has his head on his shoulders!!! Don't ever settle for anything less again!!! Your kids need a man they can learn from to become great adults. Show them that from your actions and from your future man's actions.<P>Good Luck and you need to be strong!!<P>A big hug and a Prayer of Strength to you,<P>Sheba

sheba<BR>I'm going to give this one more try. I have no idea what is up with my computer. Once I've looked at a thread it is stuck at the posts that were on it. If I want to look at new posts I have to go to "Post Reply". Then it plays more games with me when I'm trying to get back to the forum.<BR>Conclusions - I am losing love for my H fast. Since his stunt in July when he snuck off to help the OW I have seen no effort to make amends. Lat night he told me that he saw her but has no feelings for her. HELLO -You lied to me and snuck off to help her.<BR>I am back in the fear stage. He was at work today???? So of course I drove to "their" hotel, "their" friends looking to see if she was in town.<BR>Anyway... I don't like this way of life. He threw away all my trust. I've tried a million times and he just screws up again. If I don't see effort I'm going to start making my own life. <BR>He still isn't home from work. <BR>that doesn't sound like a conclusion but I think you get my drift.<BR>If you don't hear from me, my e-mail still works. You can reach me any time. It's on the list.<BR>Take care of yourself. I'm going to start so will be thinking of you!!!!<BR>BTW<BR>The gramps thing - that makes me and my friend related by ADULTERY not marriage. Creepy.

Sheba -- Our daughter is doing fine. Her cheeks and the back of her hands are pretty red, but the rest of her is just tan. My W is sort of mad at her for tanning when all she (my W) did was burn.<P>My W got the worst of it. She burnt her hands, arms and face pretty bad. Even got some sun poisoning on her lips. She also had to deal with sleeping in a sleeping bag, on the ground for 4 days. We haven't done that in over 6 six years. We went out earlier and got some Epsom salts, and I made her soak in the tub. She seemed to feel better when she got out of the bath. She went to bed early though.<P>As for me, no big deal. I was a swimmer in high school (about a million years ago) and have been burned much worse than I am now. My face, arms and shoulders are pretty burned, but it's no big deal. My W is kind of mad about that too, because my arms are much darker than hers even with her burn.<P>We had a great time though, and have already started talking about "the next trip."<P>Sheba, I will be saying extra prayers for you on Monday. I hope everything works out for you.<P>God Bless

Thanks, Empty Shell and tell your Wife that I know the envy she feels about the tanning. I've got the Irish/Scott skin and burn to no end....if I'm not careful freckles would show up!!!! Just remind her that the sun is not good for her skin anyway and that this way she won't have wrinkles and alligator skin when she gets older!!! That'll make her feel better......<P>WS - I'm sorry the cycle continues for you......<P>I've been thinking alot lately about what would have to be done if my H decided that he didn't want a divorce.<P>My scenario would be that he would not come home until counseling had begun and he opened up his mind to learning how to have a good productive and happy marriage. That would include following Dr. Harley's material and reading some of the better books on the subject.<P>Once communication had improved and I "felt" that the honesty had returned - then and only then - would he come home.<P>I wouldn't just let him come home cause he said he wanted to try - I'd have to see it and for a while before I could open up this home to him again.<P>I had the cycle for years and once he left I felt myself take my first breath of fresh, not anxiety ridden, air. I won't go back to that tense, eggshell, questioning every darn thing way of life. Not ever again!!!!<P>I had asked him to separate for a while so we could ease our tensions and try to let the fog clear enough to sort out our feelings in our own minds. That was a year and a half ago when he first confessed about his infidelities. He wouldn't and I know that if we had - we would be in a much better place right now.<P>I don't know if any of these thoughts help you with your efforts of deciding what you need to do. I can only offer them, as well as my prayers for guidance from above for you.<P>Hugs and have faith!!! <P>Sheba

Sheba,<BR> I haven't known what to say to you about all of this, so I've been a coward and haven't said anything, I'm sorry for that.<BR> This is hard I know you are hurting. BUT this wuill help you to be focus more on your own life for a while, and even though he says this is what he wants, the actual act may wake him up. I am and will be praying for you, Sheba just remember he is the real loser here. How many of us would give anything to be loved by the people we love like we love them, I know that there is nothing I wouldn't do to be loved the way I love Mike. One day Sheba, he will realize what he has done, and when that day comes, well I wouldn't to be him.<BR>Oh, about the absorbancy thing, wear a slip, in fact wear 2 half slips, that should also take care of "sticky behind syndrom" <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hello Deb -<P>I've been wondering how you are? <P>Never feel like a coward for not knowing what to say - I understand!!! If it makes you feel bad just give a sad face or for me it could be something to let me know that you're working on your Christmas presents!!!!(smiley with wink)<P>The slip idea is great - I didn't think of that!! What are slips made of? - Poly/Nylon? Would that make me sweat more?? Might be good for me though cuz instead of being nervous about lawyers, judge, family relations person and H - I will concentrate on my dress looking wet on my butt from sweat!!!!! Egads!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba<BR>I am soooooo glad that you have thought about the future like that. It isn't enough for them to say they want to try. They have to be able to back up their words.<BR>Your head is on very straight girl. <BR>I guess I saw enough changes in my H to believe it would continue. Now he is slipping into old habits and I seem to have lost my ability to get through to him. Maybe he was just pretending to hear me before.<BR>I'm sorry I vented last night. Had a very angry day yesterday. PMS?<BR>Just make sure you remember to make your life happy for you no matter what. I have complete confidence in you!!!!

ws,<BR> PLEASE look at the post from dhj's h, I am the only one who has answered so far and this one is URGENT<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Okay Deb<BR>Do we have that ESP going still? I looked and replied before I read your message.<BR>So now tell me did you feel that strength I sent to you by ESP last week? If it is working that good I'd better be concentrating on Sheba.<BR>Sheba tell me what you need? I think my powers are starting to show.

WS -<P>Can you do anything about CASH?????<P>LOL!!!!!!