ok well i'm trying to do the part b, after friday night h said he would call me on sat regarding getting an advance on his check. no call, he knows we are sitting here with no money, how does he know he kids got food? i do know that it is hard for him to call cause ow does not want him talking to me so most of the time he sneaks. anyway i need to ask a question, h is suppose to call everynight at 6:30 to talk to children which usually only happens about twice a week, so on sun night he did call but it was at 7:37 and i know it was probably just to talk to me cause he knows kids go to bed at 7, that was one of our problems with the kids going to bed and then going to bed with us! but i change that, a plus for me cause he is always taling about there bed time. anyway i didn't answer the phone, i was already mad cause he didn't call when he was suppose too. then last night someone called from a pay phone, i don't answer phone unless i know who it is. then afterwards i started thinking and i think it was him cause it was 6:33 and it was a call coming from the part of time where ow works, a trashing strip bar. now my question is, should i be answering these phone calls? my friend said last night that i should, she said that she thinks our problems are not comunicated, only about the kids, and that if we just sit down and talk we could probably work it out. that when he askes me what is on my mind and how i am feeling i should turn around and ask him how he is doing and what's on his mind and how he is feeling? i told her about the plan be and she doesn't think that's the way to go, she's not telling me to opening up my heart just see where it goes. i don't know what to do?

Gee Hrtbroken, I can only speak from my own experience and what worked for me. A lot of what I did went against what my heart told me to do. Being strong and setting boundaries helped to bring my H back. <P>All that I really have left to say, is that you've been in Plan A a very long time without getting the results you'd like.Your Plan B, until recently, has not been a true Plan B,you cannot meet any of H's EN's. If you do, he will never truly know what it's like entirely with OW and that is what he's saying he wants.He's made no concrete move to come home and you say he's looked like he was coming out of the fog on at least three occasions but he's still not home. You have talked to him,he's not ready to talk about making the marriage work and coming home. If it were me, I could do without all the other conversation that would just keep me wondering and obsessing about every move he made.If and when he could tell me he's willing to talk about the marriage then I'd talk for days if that's what he wanted,until then, what's the point? To answer your ? about the phone calls,no I would not answer those phone calls. You set up an arrangement by which he can see and visit and talk to his kids and then it's up to him to follow that. If he choses not to follow the plan and the kids are in bed then......that's a natural consequence for him choosing not to respect your boundaries. Again, this is only from my experience and what I did that helped me get my H back and involved in the marriage again.<P>Sometimes friends are well meaning,but they don't have much experience fixing relationships that are badly broken. I felt like I had to go with the plans and opinions of Christian counselors who had some experience in the area of repairing marriages. Besides the Harley's, I used some of Dr. James Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" Good luck!

well i really didn't do a good plan a because he was already out of the house, i don't even know if i did it right. ut besides the pointm he did come out of the fog twice before and came back but left. he friend said that his selfesteem was down and that he didn't feel like he could profide for me and the kids. and thought that i deserved someone better, who could. he has told me a couple of weeks ago that it's not a bed of roses over there which was it, i did't ask any question. i think it was an opening for me but i don't ask any questions. he gets into fights and stuff. about a month ago he got into a fight at her bar and got kicked out and got her fired. i don't understand why someone would stay in a relationship were they yell and he has to hit himself. he had once told me that our relationship was a 8 the whole time and their's was a 7 three days of the week and a negative 7 the remainder. but the only contact that i had w/ him to show him plan a was just whenever he came to see the kids which was only twice a week. he said at the kids counciling session me and he had with there teacher a couple of weeks ago he cries every time he leaves and he had been too pissed off the past yr to come home and if it was possible for someone to feel all the blame? is his wheels turning? and regarding plan be, you think that i should be in that?

well he had called again last night at 8:07, i didn't answer it cause that is not his time to call and he knows kids go to sleep at 7:00, am i doing the right thing in not answering his calls when he doesn't call when he is suppose to? is that part of the plan b? i remember one time that i did that he called my cell phone and said that he just got in the door, at 9:00 pm, and didn't realize it was that late and tried to call the house and got no answer and thought that maybe i was out so that was why he was calling the cell and to tell the kids he loved them and for me to have a good night. but the way i see it is that he was wondering what we, i was doing and that was one way for him to track me down. and one more thing this schedule with the phone calls is another way for him to make sure that i am at home and to keep track of me. what if i have something to do around that time? do i always have to make sure that i am here so not to miss his phone calls? he's been calling every night after 7 when he knows that kids are asleep, doesn't he want to talk to his kids, why aint he calling at his time? sorry i'm just letting off some steam. any suggestions would help