Crick...<BR>I am truly envious of your situation. We have talked about separation. In Maine there really is no such thing as "Legal Separation". Believe me...I have tried. She is hell bent on divorce. I wish that I could calm her down. All I can do is try and stall the legal process without making her angry.<P>If I could get her to a decent councilor, maybe we could make some headway. Right now she has found someone who really is telling her what she wants to hear. One of the few.<P>I hope that you and your wife repair the damage and get on with a wonderful life. I hope that my wife comes out of the fog (if that's what it is)or the OM comes out, and then maybe they both can fix this mess that they have caused.<P>How can you repair all the hurt? Can my WS ever really come home. She has said so many things to her friends that I don't know if she is capable of the kind of humility that it will take to return. I sure do hope so...and I sure do hope that she doesn't wait so long that it will be too late.<BR>Mike

i have alot of male friends and i have to say, that though women are likely to walk away...if they stay..they mean it.<BR>many men on the other hand, continue to cheat as they are unlikely to have to confront the reasons for why they have done so in the first place.<BR>i've been attacked for speaking my opinion in other forums before, but it must be said.<BR>don't give up on your wife!<BR>regards,<BR>anthea

Thanks for the post anthea,<BR>I have not given up hope yet, that is for sure. It gets harder every day to stay positive when all I get from her is negativity. I have no control over her. All I can do is live my life and hope she sees the good and wants to come home. It is looking farther away each day . She told me last night that I should get D papers this week. Not really what I wanted to hear.<P>Mike

Mbtrk,<P>I haven't posted to you in quite some time, but have been following your story and some of the wise replies you have been receiving from other members of this board.<P>My situation is somewhat similiar, except that my wife's OP just happens to be a woman. I'm not quite sure if that makes my particular case any harder or easier to solve, although my wife did talk to Steve Harley and flat out admitted to him that she does not consider herself a homosexual. He seems to believe that my wife's affair is mostly an emotional one.<P>Several things have been happening lately that appear to be following Steve's expectations. First of all, my wife and I haven't talked about divorce in months. We will be separating soon, if all goes to plan. We have decided to keep attorneys completely out of it for now. The decisions we are making about finances and custody of the kids are going amazingly smoothly. I guess Plan A must be working in that it is creating that "safe" environment she eeventually, hopefully, will return to. She has found a rental close enough so our children will remain unaffected as far as schools.<P>The major subject we have not agreed on is just how much the kids are going to be told as far as the truth. I have gone just about as far as I can keeping the limits of Plan A in mind as far as this is concerned. This OP has also been a close friend of my daughters, 9 and 14, for many years. My wife is completely under the belief that our kids should never know about her relationship with this OP. She believes that she and this OP, who has also left her husband, are going to sustain this affair by living in their own separate abodes and no one ever will know the difference.<P>This will all change once Plan B goes into effect. I have already composed my Plan B letter and the revelation to kids and immediate family are a part of it. This was Steve's idea. He also believes that Plan B should be instituted within a week or two after my wife moves out. <P>I'm going to try and not get my hopes too high, but it would not surprise me if my wife came out of the fog pretty quickly. We are a close knit family and like you I have in-laws that are very supportive. My wife draws on them for support. Once the kids know all, they are going to alienate this OP for life. My wife continues to bring this person into their lives on weekend outings and the like. Once the kids realize what she has been doing all along, they are not going to put up with it. I know there will also be a certain sense of resentment that my kids are going to have towards my wife. I am going to insist that they still love, honor and support their mother even if they don't agree with her lifestyle. In other words, we are going to reintroduce honesty into our family.<P>Keep hanging in there with Steve's advice. It will get better!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Always Hopeful (edited February 11, 2001).]

Hi AH,<BR>Nice to here from you again. My best wishes go out to you and hope that things will work out for the best. <P>I think in my case that until the two WS's get a taste of reality, that this affair is going to continue. As far as I know he has not moved out yet, and I don't know any more than I did a couple of weeks ago. So until they can actually be together, there is still this fantasy going on. She thinks that I am a controling person...this guy was in the army and is a doctor. What kind of personality does she think he has. She hasn't had to live with this a** h*** yet. Let her try that and see if the grass is greener on that side of the fence.<P>My wife still is pushing for divorce, and she said that I should get papers this week. It will be very hard not to LB in a major way when that happens. I'd like to throw them in her face. <P>I tend to think that he will come out of it before she does, and then it will be interesting to watch ehat happens. I am slightly worried about her, as it is possible that she could have a major melt down with all the guilt she has stored up from some previous things along with this. <P>You can only stuff things so long before the dam breaks.<P>It sounds to me like plan B will work wonders for you. I haven't even had much chance to plan A. I don't think that she would notice if I dyed my hair pink right now.<P>Anyway...best of luck my friend...you are in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Mike<BR>

Hi all,<BR>Last week my wife decided that she didn't want to talk to me at all. So when she came to the house in the morning to get the kids ready for school, she decided to sit in her car in the driveway until I left for work.<P>This morning, she came inside and said good morning! I said Hi and continued getting ready for work. As I was leaving and saying good bye to the kids, she said..."What's the matter, aren't you talking to me?"<P>What is this...she is hot and cold...can't make up her mind! One day it's no talk...the other day she feels like I'm snubbing her. I just continue to be pleasant and hope for the best. Maybe she's bi-polar??? lol<P>Mike

Good morning all...<BR>I guess I would like to get back to my original thought...do wives or husbands come home more often after an affair. Also...who ends the affair more often the WW or the WH??<P>Mike

I would also love to hear the answer to this. My H 's OW is also still married. Once her H found out he told her my H could watch their kids than. I am upset that he did not fight for his wife-on the other hand I had a conversation a couple of months ago w/OW and she said by me accusing her of having an A w/ my H is a slap in the face-could her h have had an A? All I know is the paperwork for them has not been started.But I would like to know who ends the A and how it ends (can anyone look in the crystal ball and see how my h's will end?)