<BR>terri,<P>If my hunch is right and the unsigned separation agreement carries no weight, then your H may decide to sue you to recover his property. I caution that if he makes this decision, IMO it will undo a lot of the Plan A benefits you've worked so hard to achieve.<P>Personally, I'd discuss what property he wants, give the property to him (if the request is reasonable), have him actually sign the agreement, and then hand him the Plan B letter.<P>Bystander

[QUOTE]Originally posted by terri:<BR><B>Keeping in mind that I am in possesion of an unsigned legal document (separation agreement) which clearly states his intent (intent means a lot in law)</B><P>Why is it unsigned?<P>I think your letter was very eloquent. As in any marital situation, I would always make sure that the issue is worth the argument. If he has a beltsander in the basement or whatever, is it worth the lovebusting to now proclaim it yours? I mean, there are certainly things that he left behind that you have no need or use for, right?<P>Perhaps a fairer way (on the surface) would be to pack up and ship everything that he left that you have no use for and inform him that you believe this completes the process of separating your marital goods, etc, pick up with your sentiments in the letter.<P>It would be a shame to undermine your long and patient effort over some piddling material thing like a set of tools.<P>Best wishes,<P>Mike<BR> <P><BR>

The letter is fine.<P>Just some rebuttal comments regarding the stuff. It's very likely he'll get angry about this and also about the ending of the current arrangement, which is completely to his favor. If you give him the stuff, you'll just defer his anger to the next time you act in a non-enabling way, which is what Plan B is all about.<P>I think all the waywards either get angry or in other ways try to thwart the betrayeds effort to implement Plan B. Of course they would. What's important is that a clear change of behavior occurs without backing up. Expect to be challenged.<P>After all this time and effort, Terri's husband would have to have the IQ of a doorknob to have missed the effort put into the marriage. I wouldn't worry about this as a lovebuster for a single minute.

<BR>Thwart terri's Plan B? Hey, no problem. He calls up a lawyer and and files for divorce, demanding his half of the marital property. terri is then legally required to list all assets, and he simply declares what he wants. After being backed into this corner, he will probably reevaluate his view of terri for the worse (buh-bye Plan A benefits). IMO, terri's got a lot invested in her Plan A, and it seems foolhardy to chuck it into the toilet for a bunch of stuff she doesn't want or need.<P>Bystander

How do you know it is stuff I neither want nor need? "His stuff" has been part of my household for 15 years - tools that I use, maybe not everyday, but have come to count on as tools that are there for me to use. The "stuff" that he SHOULD take he is not going to - like the steins his now-deceased mother hand painted for him, reflecting his hobbies, like fishing, skiing and motorcycling... How about the albums of family pictures that are stored away? No, he doesn't want that stuff, only what I might actually use.<P>If he decides to take legal action, so be it. I'll find a lawyer who eats balls for breakfast... I have 2 of the 3 legal grounds for divorce in my state, abandonment and adultery, and he has none. The other one is cruel and inhuman treatment.<P>Just because I have been Plan A'ing for the last two years does not mean I have not been paying attention to what the future could bring. I have been reading and learning about divorce law in my state. Yes, he could come after me for half of everything. But half of nothing is pretty much nothing. He took some of the most valuable things with him - the brand new surround sound stereo system and the best speakers of the four sets we had in the house. Left me with a stereo which hasn't worked since last spring. My car is a 1990 model - not worth anything. And he is welcome to half of the 6 empty and dirty fish tanks that are stored away in the spare room. I'll gladly let him have half of the garbage and dirty laundry.<P>My point is this: I have nothing. If he wants to spend money (which, incidentally, he hasn't got any of, either), to fight me for old tools, great. But he is MORALLY not entitled to a single thing in my home. His departure from my household left me with 90% of the expenses we had together and only 50% of the income that we had together. Do the math - that is what a divorce judge will do.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

BTW, Mike, the separation agreement is unsigned because I refused to sign it. It contains language that I objected to and requirements that I take issue with. I do not believe that I should have to provide health and dental insurance for him while he is living in Florida with another woman, do you?<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

<BR>terri,<P>Your legal prowess notwithstanding, if the property he is likely to recover through legal action is worth more than the anticipated cost of litigation, you should expect a lawsuit. If the property he could recover is worth as little as you say, then by refusing him you are risking little.<P>The question you really face is whether refusing him will undo the benefits of Plan A. I still believe that if he sees your actions as petty, you're probably doing yourself more harm than good. Although I do agree that if he already took a bunch of valuable stuff, you don't owe him anything. But he might need to be reminded of this, too. <P>Bystander

Hey Terri,<P>I wouldn't sign the damn separation agreement either. Provide him with medical insurance? Yeah... right. Tell him to get a calculator and figure the odds on that happening. I'm surprised they didn't ask for a kidney too.<P>We split up our "stuff" a long time ago. That was on a mutual basis. She wanted some things and I said no. I wanted to give her some things and she declined. I was even nice enough to carry them out and pack them in her car.<P>We are now D and she requested her stepper and Cardioglide, hey, that's fine with me. These items are just taking up space in an already cluttered attic. I offered to have them delivered the very next day [not by me] to her door step. Those were "hers" I'm never going to use them. They would make a hell of a paper weight thou. <P>She said that's ok, maybe later. I wonder if this is actually just a test to see what we would say or do. Makes ya think, not? He [and she] lived without these items for so long and now it's important. Mind games?<P>I believe the letter is fine. Short sweet simple to the point. It does suck that any of us are here, but, I don't know of a better place I would rather be.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Zippy

Gee... if a person wants half of everything, then that means 1/2 of the debts? I wonder how much debt you have paid, Terri in the past 2 years that was joint debt? house? utilities? car payments? hmmmmm.....<P>you might have something there to negotiate with?.....<P>Tnt

Hey...great point TNT!<P>Terri...as I replied earlier, IMHO, I think that your letter is fine!<P>Have you decided what to do? Are you going to send it?