OMG!!!!!!! They are too!!!!!

ETA I think the only people who posted apart from WAT and Orchid were her as well!!!!!!

Thank you for posting this almost 8 years ago, SKM. It's very powerful and insightful. And thank you, Mike, for bumping it up and bringing it to us newbies' attention. There's a kind of comfort in knowing JustLearning was as helpful then as he is now.

Now I must go re-apply my make-up.

Mel and Jen,

SKM posted this on both GQII and Recovery. I think the recovery one had alot more responses and the list is interesting there as well.

I still want to know how it was found, the lack of search capability is really frustrating as there are a lot of old posts that could be useful to the new posters if for no other reason, it reinforces the amazing similarities between people's experiences.

JL

JL,
Google can search the forum, you just have to prefix your search terms with "site:www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt"

Like this:
site:www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt skm recovery marriage better

These search terms find not this exact thread, but one where someone posted the text in another thread.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=dHO&q=site%3Awww.marriagebuilders.com%2Fubbt+skm+recovery+marriage+better+&btnG=Search

Bump

Thank you for bumping this, catwhit. What was interesting about it to you?

What interested me was how there seemed to be no application of MB principles and strategies to affair recovery. There was no exposure of this affair to anybody. NC took months, with the BH being aware of the contact. After that, they talked about the affair (which we would discourage today), and had no programme for UA time or transparency - and no strategy to prevent members of the opposite sex from meeting ENs.

They winged it, and this caused unnecessary pain for SKM (and heaven knows what her poor BH went through). She eventually got over her feelings for OM and somehow winging it seems to have worked for them - but it was a bit Russian-roulette-ish.

The board seems to have been very unfocused in 2001.

What was notable to me is that they were not using the program as it is intended: to create a romantic relationship. That was never mentioned. Success seems to be defined by withdrawal from the OM and by staying married. However, if a great marriage does not replace the bad marriage, then recovery won't happen.

I suspect her BH was filled with resentment years later because a) there was no just compensation and b) a better marriage was never created to replace the wound of her affair and c) her trickled out version of no contact.

I hope I am wrong in that they eventually discovered Marriage Builders and created a happy, romantic marriage, but I see no signs of it here. It in the olden days, just staying married, no matter how bad the marriage, was the definition of success by BOARD standards. That was NEVER Dr Harley's standard, though.

That is so sad since we know using Dr. Harley's program makes creating a romantic marriage very possible.

SugarCane;

I agree, the story doesn't demonstrate adherence to MB principles. And I believe they paid the price for cherry-picking. Which seems a big temptation to many of us "struggling-to-recovers". I wonder how they are both doing today.

What was also interesting to me, though, was the peek into the mind of a WW as she wrestled with withdrawal, including after further contact with the OM.

Taffy insists he turned a corner early after NC, that he was glad to be rid of the Dolly, that his feelings for her diminished daily, and rapidly. Likely it's a DJ on my part, but I am not quite so sure, especially when she repeated popped up in our lives every 2 months after NC. And maybe I just don't fully trust him yet to be truthful with me about his feelings, since he lied so much during FR.

What I see is how much the board has grown over the years.

Yes it has.

I like digging into the history, too. Although sometimes it's distressing!

I know, right?

I used to love reading as many threads as I could, but when it kept becoming "a blogging central" it frustrated me. What was actually more frustrating was when I would see contradictory advice to what MB/Dr. Harley would advise. I would go look it up and research it to find the correct answer. So I guess it helped me become a better student.

It also was bothersome when posters could IM each other and you would see inappropriate relationships begin. It's interesting that we have an active WW, whom was on another forum that allowed personal messaging and she crossed the line into another EA, with her BH none the wiser.

I'm so glad MB is above the rest with their high standards and the waywards can go create their own forums.

I read a lot of links that point to old threads and this one seemed to be pointed to on numerous occasions.

Note: I searched for it in this form just using the word, "Chronicles" in regular search mode.

When i tried using the actual links to this thread in referring posts, the results were, Access Denied.

I like how it revealed the thoughts of an XWW.


LTL

Thankfully, the board is very, very different today. Rather than being a platform for bloggers, the board now focuses more on marital recovery via the Marriage Builders program. They didn't talk much about MB when I arrived so very few couples ever recovered. Rather, the definition of "recovery" back then was just staying together. The definition of "recovery" is very different in MB standards. Fortunately, several of us discovered Marriage Builders over the years.