C&I,<P>I'm glad if I've been able to help you in any way. I guess there are differences in our stories but those differences are what make our stories OURS. How do you mean you feel impoverished? I'm curious.<P>I knew my EA was wrong and horrible the whole time I was involved in it. I've never felt worse about myself in my life. For me the transition back to rightness has been pretty easy. Like I told you, the relief is tremendous. Keep working at your marriage. My EA was an illusion, maybe yours wasn't. It doesn't matter now. Choose your husband and keep trying. I know it can come back and I know it can be better than ever if you truly want it to be. Good luck!

Clarity;<P>My husband is a busy man. I thought I had this all sorted out in my initial post a few months ago....but I guess not.<BR>I feel impoverished because I evidently need more time that I can get from my relationship with my husband....my coach used to help fill my primary need for conversation. <P>To make a long story [www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/003337.html] short, my husband works all day, then spends most (5-6) evenings coaching our son in tennis. It is after 9:00 pm our time and I do not expect them home for another hour. The only days we have a family meal together is when it rains. I think maybe I expect too much, or maybe I am overanxious right now. My husband and I just returned from a 4 day trip, which was wonderful, and it rained the past 2 days so we had two evenings together. <BR>I am probably just tense about starting up the normal schedule again.<BR>

C&I,<P>Have you shared these feelings with your husband? If not, do so right away! He needs to know that you long for HIM to fill those needs on a regular basis. He needs to be aware of the recommendation of Dr. Harley that people in recovery from an affair need to spend a MINIMUM of 15 hours of quality time with one another every single week! Without that connecting time (without children, without friends and neighbors and NOT in front of the TV set), you cannot meet one another's emotional needs and continue on into a successful recovery.<P>You probably feel that the time your husband spends with your son is too important for him to give up - but that is just not so - not if he is spending it with you instead. If you and your husband re-establish a strong, healthy and loving marriage, your son will be so much richer in the long run. Sort out your marriage and relationship issues and your son will be fine.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

I agree with terri. Does your husband know how you feel? Are you reluctant to tell him because you don't want to bother him? If he isn't meeting this need for you, he needs to know it. Is there any way you can participate in your son's coaching? I've dedicated myself to spending time with my wife again, like I used to, and it's already been very beneficial for us. Does your husband realize this is happening? I think he needs to know, because he's missing the boat on filling the major need that pushed you into your affair. I'd say that's pretty major.

Clarity, CI, Clouds & other WS,<P>I have not been able to read much of this thread as it makes me cry. I know that each of you are struggling & trying very hard to rebuild your marriages. I wish my H had your courage, your dedication, and your strength that each of you has. I just wanted you all to know that I admire & respect you all for what you are trying to do. You all are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing your struggles & may you find the help & encouragement that you need.<P>sing

Clarity & Terri;<P>He knows...we talked about it again last night. Honestly he is trying. I also try to go to the tennis courts in the evenings, but we have a daughter who shouldn't be left alone at home either. I had quick lunch with my husband yesterday and dropped by the courts for a few minutes last night....but with them both playing I can't get a word in edge wise. A quick kiss and "watch this". <BR>There is a whole culture at the courts that I am not a part of...and don't wish to be.<P>We have promised each other time the weekend. <P>I appreciate all of your comments and suggestions but at this point I don't see 15 hours per week...possibly 4 or 5 as it stands now. In the future?.... My husband is talking about starting up ANOTHER business, which I anticipate will require a good deal of his time [as if he really has any unallocated hours in his day]. I'm afraid that I am in a 'no change' situation....that I am just going to have to learn to deal with my end of it. <P>Clarity, thanks to you especially for keeping me engaged in the though process. I'll keep trying.<P>

Just stopping by to wish all of you a great weekend. C&I, I hope you get to spend time with your husband this weekend and that you have a great time! Keep working at doing what is right. I have to think only good things will come of it. Let us know how it goes!<P>Clarity?