Think about it guys. If my H and I divorced, he would most likely marry the OW, although he says he never would. The kids would definatley spend time with her then. And IF there were a judge that said H couldn't see kids if OW was around, well then there's a new kind of fog, isn't there.<P>Come on... if H's are smart enough to sneak and have an affair then they'll be smart enough to see those kids. I do what I need to so that I can be with them.<P>Oh yeah, hey BonnieSept. I thought this was a support group. You are very hostile toward H. It takes two people to screw up a marriage and it takes two people to have an affair.

Faced with a similar situation -- I found one book of particular help. It echo's a lot of the sentiment already posted & you may not want to hear it, but the outcome may be exactly what you want. DR. James C. Dobson's "Love Must be Tough" is mostly directed to your (our) situation. It's premise may not seem to follow traditional Chrstian lines, but it is very sound advise & highly Christian. I would highly encourage you to read this! It makes lots of sense!<BR>One of the primary themes is that you have to make a bold stand in order to change the intoxicating feelings and perhaps habitual pattern of destructive behavior than comes with affairs & that you have to be willing to let go in order to get what you want!<BR>Please run to your nearest Christian book store & don't tell him you're reading this. It could save a lifetime of comprimises and hurt feelings!<BR>Best of luck & may God be with you!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by singagain:<BR><B>A quick note about my situation. My husband began a PA in December 1999, after we returned from our 10th anniversary trip to Hawaii. I found out about the A on March 19, 2000. He tried to stop seeing OW but it didn't last. He told me he didn't know who he wanted. So on May 1, 2000 he got his own apartment, however he tried to see us both without her knowing that he was seeing me.<P>In September of 2000 we went to a concert in D.C. and he told her he was going to a football/baseball game in Cleveland. I helped him cover, because I dearly love him. He has always maintained that he does not know who he wants to be with.<P>Now he lives at home. He moved back in on the 23rd of January, 2001 and swears that he wants to me with me and our 3 children, but he doesn't know exactly how to tell OW. He told her that he moved home for the kids. He still sees her on the evenings he's off. He tells her that he sleeps on the couch, when in reality he sleeps in my bed every night. I go along with this because I know that the relationship between H and OW won't last (look at all the lies). And I also know her type.(she's sucking all of the money she can out of my husband).<P>I am trusting that God knows best. I believe that he will put our marriage and family back together. I think that my H moving home was a step in the right direction. Is that how you see it?<P>I believe that the fog is lifting. He tells me that he sees there is no future with her, but he feels obligated to her because of the promises he made to her and her kids. Is he just BSing me? Maybe. But I have oodles of faith in God. I am a very strong woman but I could use a pep talk and maybe someone who has been through the same situation could be my friend.<P>Thanks for listening. God bless you all.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hurrian Hoosier:<BR><B>Faced with a similar situation -- I found one book of particular help. It echo's a lot of the sentiment already posted & you may not want to hear it, but the outcome may be exactly what you want. DR. James C. Dobson's "Love Must be Tough" is mostly directed to your (our) situation. It's premise may not seem to follow traditional Chrstian lines, but it is very sound advise & highly Christian. I would highly encourage you to read this! It makes lots of sense!<BR>One of the primary themes is that you have to make a bold stand in order to change the intoxicating feelings and perhaps habitual pattern of destructive behavior than comes with affairs & that you have to be willing to let go in order to get what you want!<BR>Please run to your nearest Christian book store & don't tell him you're reading this. It could save a lifetime of comprimises and hurt feelings!<BR>Best of luck & may God be with you!<P> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have the book and it worked wonderfully well with my special-needs son -- but seriously, it seems to go against what the Harley's are trying to accomplish via Plan A. <P>How does anyone else view this? <P>By the way, <B>singagain</B>, this **IS** a support group, but we all have differing opinions and are at differing places in our recovery process. I think you were a bit rough on BonnieSept. <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Thanks for your feedback! I am new to the Marriage Builders and I like what I've read in the last two news letters, but have not explored Plan "A" yet, but will now. My wife & I are back togeather now after she had a month stay with her family & this reconilation, recovery phaze is a new & different challenge, but seems to working.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by new_beginning:<BR><B> I have the book and it worked wonderfully well with my special-needs son -- but seriously, it seems to go against what the Harley's are trying to accomplish via Plan A. <P>How does anyone else view this? <P>By the way, singagain</B>, this **IS** a support group, but we all have differing opinions and are at differing places in our recovery process. I think you were a bit rough on BonnieSept. <P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

singagain,<BR>It looks to me like you have weighed all your options are content living like you do. I would like to know if you enjoy that fact that he lies to the OW when he is doing things with you?<BR>It took me months to come to out from under feeling like I was obligated to the OM because of all the things he did for me. But while we made promised to each other, I knew in my heart that I couldn't keep those promises to him unless I was willing to give up everything and I discovered I just wasn't will to do that.<BR>I am so glad that you have moved forward with your wife and that you H now sees what he could be losing. it gives you the power of control over the situation. So take control and make a few demands. Small ones the start with to see how they work out. Then move on the the larger ones if those work out. My H pulled out all the stops to get me to see that he alone could meet all my needs, both emotional and physical. And I can tell you that I haven't been disappointed at all. <BR>You might be surprised by what he would do if he thought you were slipping away.<P>debbie

Singagain,<P>Are you in any type of counseling? Call the Harley's (NB trying to do what you think, get this place back on track).<BR>Are you Plan Aing? If not, why not? I personally don't do it very well, but I don't do lots of LB's either.<P>Have you & your H done the ENs worksheets? Have you done the LB worksheets? Have you read this site? READ, READ, READ this site, Divorce busters, etc.<P>Read NRS PLanA/PlanB.<P><BR>Sounds to me Plan A is your best option now. Have you read SAA? If not order it & read it.<P>Think I will go dig my copy out of the closet; I still have a few wks left<P>Now sing going to the kitchen to cook for teacher appreciation day, why do I think I have to volunteer for everything, I will one day learn NOT to check all boxes on the volunteer form, <P>

Woo Hoo <B>SING</B> -- good JOB! <P>Here's a link to the basic concepts:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html</A> <P>Just click on the link and read !!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck