This is a good question!!<P>I bought H a ring not when we married but afterwards. he had always said he wouldn't wear one as they are dangerous while doing his type of work. However.............he did a wedding band when he was married before so I was pretty insistent that he maybe wear one with me.<P>One day he did say he would wear one so I bought it. Sadly it sat around until after he revealed the A to me. At that time he put it on and hasn't taken it off. I have to say-IT DO LOOK GOOD ON DA MAN!!<P>As for me-I never stopped wearing my rings. I love my rings and what they mean to me and no way was that PT going to cause me to stop wearing my rings.<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

I wore mine for about 2-3 months past D-day, and then realized they meant nothing to me anymore. My H realized I wasn't wearing them and asked why I hadn't for a couple of days...I informed him it had been a couple of months! I said that I would like to renew our vows one day, and I too want the romantic proposal, a private ceremony, and new rings. I have tried my old ones on twice since I took them off, and it tears me up.<BR>My H took his off a few days after I did. I asked him if he wore it with her he said yes and asked if it bothered me. I said it bothered me that the ring touched her and now touches me. He then took it off. It bothers me both ways, him wearing it or not, but I understand he isn't wearing it for my sake. <BR>Funny thing is, wearing his ring always meant so much to me, pre-affair. It used to be a joke between us, I would chase him down if he didn't have it on. <BR>Right now I feel like I could care less...and it hurts that something I put so much meaning to has become so meaningless.<BR>I plan to give him my rings and hope to one day wear the new ones as symbolizing a new beginning.<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hurtinginil:<BR><B>First a little history. H has never really worn his wedding ring, but then last Jan, just prior to the start of his A, he started wearing it. Wore it until mid March and then stopped again. Said, that it was just too uncomfortable, etc. Little did I know, he was planning on consumating his relationship with OW that week. Anyway, this past weekend in Boston, I asked H if he would put his wedding ring back on. He said, not yet, it's too soon. I don't know if he ever will, but suspect that until he has a new job not working with OW that he won't even consider it. I've kept mine on most of the time over the last year. A couple of times, I did take it off (once I threw it at him) and told him that until he put it back on me, that I wouldn't wear it. He seemed to get upset that I wasn't wearing it, and so I put it back on. Honestly, it means very little to me right now in the sense of what it stands for. I told him that I wanted a new one (fake gold band from Target would thrill me---it would be the fact that he got me a new ring and that it would stand for a recommitment to our marriage)<P>I'm curious if BS's and WS's view this the same and if you have kept your rings on even though an A is/was happening.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Never took it off because I unlike my W am committed to her because the covenant we agreed to on 5 Oct 1985 included God. He still is part of the equation for me because He showed me how to love Him, her, the losers she committed adultery with. I feel sorry for them because what they really seek is a relationship with God.<P>She took hers off during A #9 for a really long time. She still is lost and confused even though we are doing significantly better from almost 2 years ago.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I threw mine in H's face on Christmas Day 1999 after he came back to our home from spending a few hrs with OW & her family. He lost it. Since he moved back in March 2000, there has never been a mention of a new one. I took off my engament ring in Nov. 2000 as it is too big now.<P>My H took his ring off in Aug 1999 shortly before our 19th anv. He never put it back on. He got mad when I took it out of his car, I didn't want it ot get lost. He says I stole it from him. We were moving his ring was in a drawer, he took what he wanted out of the drawer left the ring, I took, so it wouldn't get lost in strogae.<P><BR>He gave the OW a ring a yr ago, she wears on her left hand, from the bill I saw, it is a nice 1 K diamond. <P>

I took mine of on D-Day, about a week or so after she asked for a divorce. <P>I remember, when I was a kid, my father was lying on the sofa after a long day at work. I asked him if I could see his ring. He casually held up his left hand so I could see the wedding band. I protested: "No, take it off so I can look at it."<P>He refused. He told me that he could never, ever take his wedding ring off. He mumbled something about the ring being a symbol of his marriage, and as long as he was alive, he would never take the ring off. I learned that day that marriage (at least for my parents) was forever.<P>My mother still has that ring somewhere.<P>I took my ring off when I realized that for some people, marriage is only temporary. I will never wear that ring again.

I took my wedding ring off as well as all other jewelry or special items he gave me. Those items are all in a box along with various letters, STD test results, etc. We are going to go shopping for a pretty box with a lock and keep the box around for the rest of our lives. The box will represent different things as we go through the process of recovery over the years. I think ultimately it will stand for how easily something precious, and highly valued can be lost. My H took his wedding ring off about 2 weeks after I did. He finally realized that although the wedding ring is a symbol of our covenant we shouldn't have to wear it to honor our vows. One day we both hope to walk down the aisle again and renew our vows with new rings as we begin a new and stronger covenant with Christ at the head.

Thanks for all the replies to this post. It is truly interesting to see all of the differing perspectives on this. <P>One thing I forgot to add---when I discovered my H's A, I was 8 months pregnant. Because I was starting to swell, I had taken off my rings probably about a month before discovery. Because it bothered me so much to be without a ring, I bought a really cheap silver band that had the words "love conquers everything" inscribed on it. At the time, I thought it was the cheesiest thing I'd ever seen, but bought it anyway. After discovering his A a week later, it became very significant to me. That ring actually means more to me than my wedding rings at this point.<P>Thanks again everyone.....

After reading many of the posts, it is interesting to see the varied points of view re: wedding rings.<P>We've been married for 22 yrs. H & I both wore our rings for the first few yrs. H's ring flew off his hand while working one day, so he decided not to wear it on a daily basis, but did wear it whenever we went out. I continued to wear mine.<P>By our 12th anniversary, I took off my rings since I was spending quite a bit of time in the hospital and was confined to a wheelchair. <P>H bought me an anniversary band on our 18th anniv. I wore it religiously (unless I worked in the garden), until I ended up back in the hospital 2 yrs. later and back in a wheelchair.<P>I put my rings back on about a year ago, after finding out my H was having an EA. (We were in counseling at the time). I wore my rings until we saw a movie (can't remember the name), but the jist of the movie was the "Circle of Trust". Wedding rings represented the "Circle of Trust". Since my H had betrayed me, I felt the "Circle of Trust" had been broken and removed my rings. I have not worn them since that day.<P>From time to time, H has asked why I don't wear my rings. I told him that I don't need a ring or a piece of paper (marriage license) to tell me that I'm married. The vows we took were more important to me than a ring or license. H doesn't wear his ring because it no longer fits him. (I will have it resized when I feel the time is right).<P>I will wear my rings again (or get new ones) when I feel the "Circle of Trust" has been re-established. H is working very hard to re-establish that trust, so I can see rings on my finger in the not too distant future.<P>Bottom line is....we all have to do what we feel is right for US.<P>Thanks for listening to my story.