Lor:<P>Again, you are such an inspiration to so many. I don't think my WS faked at all the reconciliation attempts. I feel like he was sincere a couple of time, but didn't come completely out of the fog. Your story is one of the reasons that I hold out any hope of WS ending the affair. I wish I didn't have that hope though.....<P>I know that I am strong and I will make it. It's just like a death - of the marriage, of being part of a couple, of memories.... I need to stop focusing on those, but I don't know how. That's when I get sad and want WS back. I am definitely dealing so much better in the anger mode. It's the first time I've gotten angry and stayed angry in over a year.<P>Chris:<P>If I directed my anger and bitterness toward you, then I apologize. I really do appreciate the advice. As I said before, I failed miserably at plan a. Plan B is the right choice for me right now. Frankly, too much has been done and been said by my WS to consider letting him in at any point in the future. I am scared to even see or talk to him, because I will get "sucked" back into his little game of having his cake and eating it too.<P>Right now, against Harley principles, I know, I am protecting myself not my lovebank for WS. Sure, I will always love him and I feel so sad and heartbroken, but I just can't go on like this. My children have really suffered because mommy is so wrapped up in all of this stuff. They have got to come first. WS is putting himself first so I must put my boys first.<P>My heart breaks for your girls. How these WS's can live with themselves is beyond me. My WS is seeing the boys now, but I do worry that will end in the future.
