sad_n_lonely,<P>Since you're the sole "nay" vote so far, I'm trying my best to understand your reasoning.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:<BR><B>I have told my wife if she ever calls the ow, much less husband, I am through.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OK, I understand that you do not want your OW's H to know the truth. That's perfectly logical. I'm sure my W also doesn't want the OM's W to know the truth. But I'm not doing this for <B>my W</B>, I'm doing this for me and for the OM's W. Besides, my W is not in a position to scare me with a "if you rat on me, we're through" threat. She's out of the house already, and I like it that way! This is not about my W, it's about her OM's W.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I am of the mind that marital secrets are between husband and wife, no one elses business. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Maybe it's just a play on words here, but I would then add to your statement that <B>extra</B>marital secrets <B>are</B> everyone else's business. Wouldn't you agree?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I guess the consequences of an affair can be so severe, that exposure is justified in the interest of common decency. I can live with that. I would sure want to know</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Precisely!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I feel my right to privacy transcends all other rights, including marital rights. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah, my W felt the same way. I think all WS's decide that their privacy is more important than honesty. Can't say that I agree, but of course I can see why they <you> would feel that way... Unfortunately, lack of honesty (not just about affairs, but also about feelings, wants, needs, etc) is what destroys most marriages to begin with.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I accepted without any discussion when I crossed the line with the ow, that someone may find out and tell, including her family. It is unrealistic to think otherwise.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Once again, I agree completely!<P>So overall, it sounds like even though you wouldn't be happy about your OW's H finding out, you would be understanding of why someone would tell him (?).<P>AGG

I called the OWM. I was so mad. I am glad I did. I wish I would have done it in a different way. She still can not understand why I called her husband and not confronted her about it. The last man she had affair with the other woman contacted her and her h never new anything about it. The OW had nerve to call me a tell me to leave her husband alone. Can you believe that? He is a good man and good looking. What would she want from my h. He is a drunk and drug addict and a wife beater.

AGG - I've got lots of room, come on over.<P>Dave

Like the song says, "When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose!". I told and I'm glad I did

Hey mon maybe you and the OW can trade H since he is good looking and nice LOL... just kidding...<BR>Good Guy do it and keep us posted I am interested in the results... I pray that the W understands she is better off knowing and that she believes you.<BR>sad_and_lonely - since you are on the other side of the fence (I have been both in my relationships bs and ws,,, guess I have to be different than everyone else darn...)<BR>believe me there are many people that knew about what I was doing and the majority would not tell since they had skeletons in their closet also... just something to think about... sometimes people dont tell because they are afraid of the consequences lest they live in glass houses too... Good Guy has nothing to loose and will be helping the W out. <BR>Good luck Good guy and let us know.<BR>C1<P>

Let me clarify AGG, in my roundabout way I was agreeing with you. And the truth is, if my wife told, I would not hold it against her, is an empty threat (but if she did it with malice and vengeance, that would affect how I see her). The bs should be told by anyone who knows, is the only humanly decent thing to do. But in my case, I am worried, I think her husband has the capacity for physical violence, and may hurt her. That is the primary reason I asked my wife to consider and not call him. I don't vehemently object to her talking to the ow, although I would prefer not, just complicates things more, and would definitely irritate me, especially if done confrontationally. I personally disagree with the concept of calling someone and saying stay away from my spouse. We are all sovereign adults, and will choose who we interact with, and we will reap the consequences. If her husband called me and said that, I would ignore him, nobody can tell somebody else who they can or cannot interact with, that is possession. But if ow told me is done, leave me alone, I would never contact her again, she would have to restart. But I can understand the burning need to understand how I could love ow, but not feel I love her. Anyways this was not your point, yes I agree, and personally if I am ever privy to an affair, I would tell (although I would want to be reasonably sure of course). And as the ws I expect any consideration of my feelings or consequences to be of absolutely no import to anyone.

You can hide in my place,<P><BR> your childhood friend,<BR>(talk to you on the phone, man)<BR> (I have just registrated...) <p>[This message has been edited by Sheffy (edited May 01, 2001).]

AGG,<P>I'll tell her for you....And, I know a place you can hide out....<P>Welcome Sheffy<P>d2k