Yeah, the email is a good idea then...<P>Hmmm... the OM's W is no dummy... but you knew that already... custody being discussed, *not* visitation??? I wonder what that means?

I don't know what the custody vs visitation means. My point was that OM has filed already. The required one year of separation for them isn't until July or August. My wife has NOT filed. There, I probably just jinxed myself.<P>Dave

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by worthatry:<BR><B>I don't know what the custody vs visitation means. My point was that OM has filed already. The required one year of separation for them isn't until July or August. My wife has NOT filed. There, I probably just jinxed myself.<P>Dave</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>But my point is this: the fact that custody is being discussed means *something* because it nearly always favors the mother, with visitation for the father. Why would it be discussed unless mother has some issues too? I know it's a moot point, but it caught my attention.<P>I understand what you're sayiing too... and nah, you didn't jinx it! <P>

Just some advice;<BR>You need to NEVER, NEVER NEVER put your son in the middle. Don’t “quiz” him about who mom was with and such.<P><B>My son denied that he was with her when she saw OM. Either he's lying to protect his Mom, or she asked him not to tell me about it.</B><BR>He is messed up about what to do. He doesn’t “understand” about who he should be “faithful“ to. After all, both of you are his parents & parents NEVER do anything wrong, do they? <P>Let your child be a child. It’s difficult enough for him just doing that.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

I realize in your post you said you promised you wouldn't pass along your w's number..so I'll ask you this..why are you allowing yourself to suffer the consequences of her actions by this OM's W calling you? Why are you not allowing her to face up to her own actions? She's the one involved w/ this womans husband..let her deal with her..and maybe realize that this man who she's soooo in love with is lying to her..let her face the consequences of her own actions..<BR>No reason you should protect her from that..thats how we all learn and grow..by having to be faced with our own mistakes..and having to own up to them..and as long as you<BR>play middle man and protect your wife..she'll never learn...

TR - I understand your point very well - it's something I've thought about a lot. When OM's W and I discovered the affair, we went in opposite directions. I went to Plan A, even though I didn't know it had a name then, and she went on the offensive - attacking both her H and my W. It was ugly. When my wife moved out for our "trial" separation - just friends with OM, you know - I promised I wouldn't tell OM's W how to find her. If I had, it would have been a big LB just at the time when I couldn't afford it. If I tell her now, it'll be a big LB. Believe me, I'm all for reaping what you sow, and I've had a hard time NOT rubbing my wife's nose in the many consequences of her actions. I'm not protecting her, per se, I'm following the advice of the Harleys in my Plan A. It may have the unintended byproduct of protecting her and enabling her, but that's what I've been advised to do. This does not mean she doesn't suffer consequences. She's strapped for money and doesn't come close to her alloted 50% of my son's time. She has to pay for 1/2 of all our son's expenses and believe me, I have her over a barrel on that.<P>I appreciate your input.<P>WAT

Dave, I love the conversations at the baseball games. I do think that you need to bring this up to her because it is involving your son. It is very, very sad that she is manipulating him and that she is having him help cover up her affair.<BR> <BR>I think bringing it up at the baseball game is perfect, because being in public, she hopefully won't get too defensive and cause a scene.

Dave,<P>Can I come & PLEASE be the "LB Fairy" for you? Could I please tell your W not to put your son in the middle, by not telling him to lie to you to protect HER? Please, Please, please...It is bad enought when our WS lie to us but when they get our children to do it also.<P>Does your state not have where you can block the OP from being around your son? You might not want to do it but looks as OM'W might want to check into it. maybe OM will LB your W, because his W most likely LB him big time, maybe his D did also. Let all the LB fairies come out to play, so you don't have to do it<P>In exchange I'll let you come here & you can go after my H but of course he is a black belt but feel free to tell him what you think of him, if you don't know what to say, I can give you volumes.........

Hi Dave,<P>I hope I gon't get flamed for saying what I'm about to say.<P>On MB we talk alot about LBs. Anyone who has read the Harley book has a good idea of what they are. However, I sometimes wonder if all of us need to delineate a true LB from setting boundaries that protect ourselves, and in your case, your children.<P>Anyone who has had a spouse who's in an A knows that all it takes to "LB" is to ask the WS to help you clean up the table after dinner. Literally, that's all it takes to upset someone who is in a fog. Are we justified in requesting our spouse's help? Yes, of course we are. But because it upsets them, is it a LB? I don't think so.<P>I think that in this case you need to think of your children, Dave, and how this A is affecting them. If your W doesn't want to hear common sense, she can sit and stew. But it sounds to be as though you need to draw very firm boundaries as to what you will and will not allow your children to be exposed to. And the display with the OM is NOT - I repeat NOT - allowable under any circumstances. She is being a poor parent, and you have every right to call her on this and voice your concern, and if need be, set firm boundaries as to what you will and will not allow.<P>There are certain things that are not negotiable, and protecting a child from a parent's A is one of them. As far as I'm concerned, this is not and never will be an LB. It's protecting the children from one parent's lack of common sense.<P>belld

sing - I've often imagined setting up a meeting with one of you nice ladies, especially a former WS, and my wife. I know it could never happen, but it's fun to fantasize about.<P>belldandy - you're not even close to flaming! You are exactly right and I have even more evidence of the crime as of last night. I intend to confront my wife on this, LB or not. Of course, she'll deny everything and accuse me of trying to control her. Maybe I'll do it in writing so that I can get the words right.<P>Aside from this, last night I promised my son that I would never again ask him questions about Mom or do anything else to put him in the middle. He gave me a big hug and said, "I love you Dad, now can I have a snack?"<P>WAT