Did you WS ever say this?<BR>"I think you deserve better than me"<BR>"I just feel like we have grown apart"<BR>"I need to work on me"<BR>"I'm not the same person you met 6yrs ago"<BR>"I have evolved"<BR>"I deserve something more"<BR>"I can't settle"<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

All of them and more, and almost word for word.

BM, a few of the little gems I used on my husband:<P>"I don't know what I want anymore".<P>"I don't know if I want to be married anymore".<P>"I need time to myself".<P>It embarrasses me now to think of it. I sounded like a total fool, as all WS's do.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Susie7753:<BR>[B]BM, a few of the little gems I used on my husband:<P>"I don't know what I want anymore".<P>"I don't know if I want to be married anymore".<P>"I need time to myself".>>>><P>Lol Susie. My H must have been reading from the same book as you. In his case "Time to myself" meant "I am leaving here and immediately moving in with the OW that I keep denying I have." Those were the ones I got along with <P>"You deserve better than me."<BR>"I know you are heartbroken but in 2 weeks you will feel better"<BR>"I don't think I love you anymore but I will always love you"<BR>"I'm not a very good person"<BR>"We will always be best friends"<P>

I've heard<P>"You're a better person than I am"<P>When I told her that I am only guilty of loving her, she replied "the ends don't justify the means"<P>"You smothered me and took my soul away"<P>"I love you, but I am not IN love with you"<P>"Its not about other man its about you and me"<P>"We (BS and OM) are just friends"<P>"I love him (OM) as a friend"<P>"I have changed, I'm not the same person you knew before"<P>"I just want to be friends (me and my W that is)"<P>"I want to have my space to grow"

Fairydust, I think all WS's are reading from the same book! And yes, all those charming phrases mean the same thing: I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH THE OP.<BR>

How about this beauty....<P>"we were having problems before the OP came along"<P><BR>that just makes me think, huh? well maybe you should have gotten out of the marriage back then huh???<P>then my STBX told me, while i was crying my eyes out...<BR>"I dont think what your feeling for me is really love, and someday you will look back on that and realize it"<P>HUH OK???<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

((Screaming with laughter!!!))<P>Isn't is amazing?! My H used the very same lines, e.g., "She's just a friend." Not to sound snarky, but ... yeah, right ...okay. Gee, I *always* have sex with my "friends." If the XOW was "just a friend," then there are a lot of other women in H's life that I need to start worrying about! <P>My all time favorite, however, was when I, his W, asked if he was sleeping with someone else. His response: "None of your business." (Translation: "Yup, I'm sleeping with her all right.") I also got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line at one point. Funny thing is, H can't remember ever saying these things to me. I used to not believe him, but now I do think that he's pushed a lot of the lies out of his mind, or that he has forgotten the extent to which he lied.<P>fairydust: re, "In his case "Time to myself" meant "I am leaving here and immediately moving in with the OW that I keep denying I have." Same situation here. My H just "happened" to need time away to think about the marriage, and he just "happened" to have met the XOW while we were living together. He just "happened" to have moved in with her right away. But he still claims confusion and that he was unhappy with the marriage and the seperation that we had been through before (we were not legally separated at the time he was living away from home) and it had nothing to do with her. Now ... I ask you ... does H think I'm clocking an IQ of 12? Anybody with two brain cells to rub together can figure it out. He still refuses to admit to this day that he moved out so that he could screw her. Oh, whatever.<P>Susie, I agree - no matter what they say, it all boils down to the same translation. In my case the translation was, "I want to keep having sex with the OW and have her be my emotional Kleen-ex."<P>belld

My all time favorite from my STBXW:<P>"There wasn't anything in our wedding vows that said I had to stay with you forever."

<BR>I have heard all the ones everyone has listed, plus I think you will be better off with someone else, I didn't leave you for OM, yeah!!n right where are you and who are you with gshhhhhh. I also got, You never loved me anyway, you will realize it in time. When the hurt goes away, you will see you are better off. I didn't do anything this just happened. <P><BR>

To be honest, I never heard "You deserve better than me."<P>But maybe my wife hasn't gotten to that part of the script yet.<P>This all makes sense if you consider the word origin of "wayward."<P>way: meaning a route or path to someplace<P>ward: meaning "loonie bin"<P>WAT

WAT,<P>ROTL! You're hurting me, stop it! <P>I completely forgot about the "I didn't DO anything!" line. Must be spoken in a loud, whiney-but-boomy, defensive voice with a very red face, glittery, angry eyes, and beads of sweat popping out on brow. Otherwise, it looses the full effect.<P>belld

I got all the standard one-liners listed above, plus a couple of "bonuses".<P>One was on d-day, when I just got done telling her that I knew about her affair. She of course asked me what I knew, and I gave her enough facts to make it obvious that I knew plenty (including that they're sleeping together). She thought about it for a minute, then said "Well, I don't know why you're calling this an **affair**!". Hmmm, what should I have called it, "your-screwing-a-married-man-while-you-yourself-are-married"??<P>The other one was before d-day, when she was packing for her business trip where I knew she was planning to meet up with the OM and do their "stuff". She was even dumb enough to leave her lingeire on top of the pile of stuff that she was packing. When I asked her if she was having an affair (after seeing the lingerie), she sat me down and said: "Oh, AGG, I know we are having problems, but I also know that jumping into the arms of another man would be the wrong thing to do right now...". Funny, in hindsight I see that she actually did not lie with that statement, since she never said that she WOULDN'T be jumping into the arms of another man... .<P>I'm sure there are some other good ones out there, which I probably suppressed to maintain my sanity!<P>AGG

"She Means Nothing To Me"<P>That one still makes my head explode.<P>Psycho_B***h<BR>

I think my WH had the unabridged dictionary.<P>" I was really trying to punish myself " (???????)<P>" They may as well have been blow-up dolls "<P>" ...one step up from masturbation..."<P>" I thought you didn't love me and wouldn't care anyway "<P>" I was depressed and you should have gotten help for me "<P>Hmmm.... only adds to the confusion.<P>Snow<p>[This message has been edited by Snowwhite (edited May 08, 2001).]

AGG,<P>"I feel your pain." My H insists to this day that he never cheated and never had an "affair." He concedes to having had an "inappropriate relationship." (Oh, whatever, potato, po-tah-to ...)<P>Seems to me that I remember hearing that come out of Bill Clinton's lips. But then again, Clinton never had sex with that woman, remember? <P>belld

Almost forgot this one (said to me months before I knew of her A) - "I need to spread my wings."<P>i think my decoder ring was in the shop that week, but it would have said "legs."

I forgot these gems...<P>He'd been going out regularly after work with one woman in particular, (call her Heather) who happened to be stripper on the side. He helped her carry her groceries, they went clothes shopping together, they had a regular 'place" that they went to every Thursday night... this went on for a year. I was livid and let him know why... anyhow, after all of his PA's (with six OTHER women) came to light, he said,<P>" You didn't trust me during the Heather thing so I figured, why not? "<P>And my all time personal favorite<P>" You were at home sleeping anyway... "<P>How's THAT for justification?<P>Snow

You were home sleeping anyway??!! Oh Man,piece of work!<P>I heard:<BR>"She's you without the history" HISTORY..what about integrity(OW is M too)<BR>"I was unhappy for a year"(could have fooled me..oh wait,he did)<BR>"That's a good person I just hurt" after the break-up by phone<BR>"I'll lose a friend" Baby, you're about to lose a WIFE!<P>and the list goes on...<p>[This message has been edited by Wounded2673 (edited May 08, 2001).]

Dave, <P>You made me laugh this morning. I laugh I really needed.<P>This all makes sense if you consider the word origin of "wayward."<P>way: meaning a route or path to someplace<P>ward: meaning "loonie bin"<P>WAT[/B][/QUOTE]<P><BR>MY H's says that the OW makes him a better person. Haven't figured how cheating on your wife, lying to your family, giving money to the OW (I guess that is considered chairty), makes him a better person but I am the just the wife who to quote him "used to be pretty, use to be smart, use to could talk, & I forgot what all else" now he says he didn't say any of those things about me, but he does think I am lazy ( I won't deny, I like to sit & watch the leaves blow,& think)<BR>