Karen - A Big P.S.<P>I finished up the post before I got to the crux of what I was about to post. What made it confusing for me is that my H and I had been separated for almost a month shortly before he left. I had filed for divorce that summer for totally unrelated reasons (H's violent anger and substance use), thinking that he would wise up and see that he would have to get counseling to keep me. Well, after three weeks, I couldn't take living without him, and wanted him to move back home. I even paid for a "second honeymoon" type trip to New Orleans in celebration of us getting back together. H had agreed to go to marriage counseling, which is why I allowed him to come home. Of course he claims now that he did NOT agree to go to counseling. So I dropped the divorce suit, and the lawyers were discharged. End of divorce, okay? Okay. <P>What I didn't know and couldn't have known was that in the three scant weeks we were living apart, he'd already met the XOW. I also didn't know that he was seeing her behind my back after he moved back in. He saw her right after we got back from our "romantic" New Orleans trip. He started picking fights with me and being very violent again. I thought that he was just angry because I'd threatened divorce. When he stormed out, I thought for sure he'd be back the next day. It wasn't the first time he'd stormed out and stayed out all night. But he didn't come home. Not for almost six months.<P>His claim is that we were "separated" and that there was still a divorce in the works. Which of course was untrue - he knew that the suit was dropped. I have copies of every correspondence he was sent from my attorney, and there is clearly one dropping the suit. So I think that he had more of a reason use that as his justification - heck, I handed him a justification on a silver platter! However, I listen to his syntax carefully. Many times, he has said, "When I left you ..." <P>But ... no matter how you slice it and no matter what the circumstances were in our marriage, it still was an affair, EMR, whatever you call it, to my eyes. Always. H will never ever convince me otherwise.<P>belld

Hey Bell:<P>You know you can get temporary orders in Texas to give you temporary support while the divorce is ongoing...not much help in stopping the divorce (which by the way takes 60 days if everything goes as scheduled)...but at least you can have child support and spousal support until the decree is entered. The 60 days can easily be delayed by legal tactitics (not unusual for it to be stretched over for over a year).<P>Faye

What I heard from Cheating H when he moved out (to be with OW)<P>"I have to leave so I can figure out why I am so unhappy."<P>"You should be out enjoying your new life." (when he left me to spend New Year's Eve with her right before he moved out.)<P>"I wanted to leave you 10 or 12 years ago." (When asked why he didn't leave then): "I was waiting for you to change."<P>(When asked why he was never honest about his unhappiness and why he never considered how I felt or what I needed):<BR>"Why should I have to?"<P>"She (the OW) FEELS the same way I do about things."

Mine also told me he wanted to leave me 10 years ago. But I just remembered another one.<BR>"You may be ready to do the Grandma thing but I am not ready to be a Grandpa!"<BR>MLC or what? BTW, my daughter has a 4 year old and was expecting another(now born) when he said this. Like he has any choice!

This is one of those cake-taker statements. H and I met at a restaurant to "talk." Read: He to simmer because I found out he was STILL in contact w/ the OW. I told him what the problem was and why I was so angry. He said, very defensively, "Well, she gracefully offered to bow out to give me a chance to work on the marriage."<P>She "GRACEFULLY" bowed out? Sort of like she "gracefully" bowed in? She gracefully bowed in and out of our marriage for more than six months! More like she was passive-aggressive for six months, thinking that if she played "hard to get," my H would come panting to her. <P>The mind boggles.<P>belld

I also heard so many of these it is unbelievable is there a cheaters handbook on cliches.<P>Here are my favorites:<P>#1) I didn't plan this it just happened: (you accidentally rented a hotel room with a married coworker, drove over in separate cars, had sex with her, showered and came home) - no planning there at all hey?<P>#2) Give this time and you will see it is better for everyone after the anger/pain subsides: (it is better for two families to divorce and six kids to be raised in single parent homes?)<P>#3) I love you but I am not in love with you anymore (???)<P>#4) I never meant to hurt you (how would having a love/sexual relationship with someone else not hurt me)<P>#5) She thinks you are a wonderful person (all this and she still sleeps around with my husband , what does she do to people she hates?)<P>#6) Her husband was abusive and beat her everyday, but he was the better parent so she could leave her kids with him to move in with my H. (?????????)<P>#7) You are my best friend and that friendship is important to me I never want to lose your friendship so I hope you and her can become friends too (friends lie, hurt, humilate and degrade each other - how sweet)<P>This is so funny!<P>#8) She loves everything about me and I love everything about her (so tell me about her hon, he doesnt know her birthday, her age, her kids names, her maiden name) Want to hear a real laugh her husband and mine turned out to have the same birthday.<P><BR>