My H also comes from a large, dysfunctional family. I am a 3rd much younger child always felt like an only. I loved his family dynamic, that's why I thought we could have a family together. But by trying to have a big family (3), it has stressed our marriage too much. His father was not a good father and he feels destined to fail too. But I knew if we didn't have children, that one day we would wake up, I would be old and he would just decide to leave me, because his work always came first, and I'd have nothing to show for my life devoted exclusively to him. The irony is that the reason he decided not to go off with the OW, even tho they had "plans" to do so, was because of the kids, not because he chose me over her. So I think parenting stress pushes us apart and a love for our children as individuals brings us back together. This seems to be the case much of the time, doesn't it?