Survivor,<P>I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with this. I think it's good you are telling your H how much this is bothering you and how it will affect your feelings if he does decide to up and go.<P>K is also right that you should come up with an appropriate consequence if he does go despite your desires not to or if he is unwilling to negotiate.<P>Brainstorming is definitely the key. Last year my wife's office planned an event for Xmas that was for employees only (no spouses). Knowing that the OM would be there made me <B>very</B> uncomfortable with the thought of my wife attending. We talked about it, I told her my feelings, she told me hers, and we came up with a solution. (She didn't go). But the important thing was that I didn't tell her she couldn't go - I just told her how it would affect me if she did. Fortunately, my wife is now taking my feelings much more into account now than before (and vice-versa).<P>If your husband decides to go there's nothing you can do to stop him - just make sure he knows what it will be doing to you and "you" as a couple if he decides to totally disregard your feelings.<P>I hope this helps.<P>-HD

Hi Trying2_4give & Hurting Deeply:<P>Yes...I will have to let my H know that this is his sole decision, but also how his decision (if he goes to this event) shall have an affect.<P>I wonder if he has been thinking about it? I have a feeling that he has been. He left 3 hours ago and just called me from work...wanting to know how my day is going. He hasn't done that in awhile. He also asked me to get the address & directions to a store (1 hour away)...that we mentioned about going to...sometime this weekend.<P>Hmmm....maybe he will want to go to this store instead of the barbecue???<P>I told him that I would call for the directions and that there is this restaurant near the store that we have been meaning to try, since we'll be in the area.<P>I guess we'll see what happens...

Hi Survivor,<P><BR>I really like what K said. You are setting boundries not making a demand. Boundries and demanding something is two differnet things. Boundries are cause and effect...while demand is just that a request. <P>With an alcholic I do not think you can afford to let him really see for himself...they do not have the will power. Also with snowmobiling Tony's skills are better than mine and he can withstand the cold better than I can. I can not produce heat like he can. Hence, I could step back and let him discover this on his own. In fact this friend hit our Discovery with his trailer and caused a great deal of damage before Tony saw that this person was by no means a friend to us.<P>Hang in there. When dealing with someone who has an addiction you have to set boundries because what if he starts drinking again? Can you and your children really go down that path with him again? It is so hard to trust that they would do the right thing if tempted. In a situation where I know I would be tempted to do something not right I just do not allow myself to be placed in that situation.<P>BTW I am doing well. Other than this issue how are things for you? (((((((Survivor)))))))) Just a little cyber hug to let you know you are not alone.