Sadie- I enjoyed your story of the A.. I hope things at home work out for you. I'll be in touch take care.. Xtra1

To Xtra1<P>I understand and still strongly suggest counseling.<BR>I am a college professor and there has been a major increase in genital herpes from oral sex in this country. All you need is one time. There was a sad story on another board about a wife who had only engaged in oral sex a couple of times with her OM and she indeed contacted genital herpes and was forced to admit this to her husband who it turned out she did infect also. The husband took her children away<BR>and for a time they were in a major custody battle. I urge you to contact your local health clinic and ask the question if you should be checked and I am sure you will be surprised by what you hear. It pays to be sure for your own peace of mind. The statistics on genital herpes are shocking. My ex-wife contacted it by only engaging in oral sex so she claims and I was lucky not to catch it. I then studied the statistics and I could not believe it. Please check with your local community health department and verify what I am telling you. Good Luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by XTRA1:<BR><B>BryanP.. If you are so rightous why are you in a infidelity chat room??????</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>XTRA1 - I think that you have these boards all wrong, this isn't an "infidelity chatroom" This entire site is devoted to building and/or rebuilding marriages. This particular board is primarily for those who have had infidelity touch their marriages. <P>As far as your other statement...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B> However, he said he would call me because despite everything I really think he loves me too. Though I am so depressed now because he never did call me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I think that you are fooling yourself, this man doesn't love you, he is using you for sex, that's why he didn't call you. You find him attractive, and he knows it, you have exhibited behaviors that have let him know that he can have you anytime he wants you, and when in town, he follows up on it............that's not love.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sadie:<BR><B>He will come home, watch TV with me and then go to bed. No comversation, but I know that he would never cheat on me, ever!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sadie, you sound exactly like every other BS on this site before discovering that their W or H, not only would cheat, but in fact did. I'm just wondering, have you looked around this site, becoming familiar with the concepts, and then doing everything that you can to incorporate them into your marriage?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>She may have put herself in a situation where she knew it could happen and then ultimately she did act on it, but if you were there by her side supporting her, making her know that you love her, and took her out on dates yourself, she couldn't have even put herself in a situation to be picked up by someone else.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sadie, how do you know that Bryanp didn't do all that he thought he should have, including the things that you have listed here? I think that is is very presumptious of you to make a statement such as this. While the state of the marriage that contributed to his W having an affair is not her fault, that is a 50/50 proposition, the decision to have an affair IS her fault, it was her decision, and hers alone. The statement that you made is nothing more than a justification for having an affair, and an attempt to shift blame. I will reiterate that maybe you should take a closer look at the entire site and become more familiar with the concepts that are here.<P>

Thank you, F A, for stepping in and helping to clear some things up.<P>For the newer members posting here:<P>I am the moderator of this forum and several others grouped under the heading of Infidelity. These forums are part of the Marriage Builders website, and are specifically devoted to the support of people rebuilding their marriages during or after infidelity has touched them. While we welcome all who are interested in marriage building, and that sometimes includes those who have been unfaithful in their marriages, please do not expect support if you are not trying to put your marriage back together or if you are actively engaged in an affair with a married person and have no desire or intention to end it. I will not prevent you from posting, but you will likely be flamed badly, and I will not prevent that, either.<P>It's all in the name: Marriage Builders. Seek our support and assistance in building yours - we are here to help.<P>------------------<BR><B>Tempest</B>, Moderator<BR>Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:<BR><I>General Questions II, Just Found Out...,<BR>Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery</I> <BR>and <I>Read-Only Posts</I>

Extra1:<P>As a BS I can tell you that it was the worst experience of my life to have my wife stray. After many discussions now she also agrees there can be no excuse, no because... Everyone has a good excuse. Everyone says they were a very good person and only strayed this one time. <P>It causes too much pain and devastation. If you do not respect your husband enough then you should consider divorce first and then you can have as many relations with other men as you want. <P>Why be married? What does marriage and committment mean? What does your husband mean to you? What does it mean when you say you love your husband? To me a woman that strays does not love her husband. Definitely not. They are just kidding themselves. <P>Maybe lots of people would like to have sex with other people when they are married. But many people do not act on these feelings because they are mature, committed and responsible. Their marriages really do mean something to them. In all cultures people are against affairs. Of course in all cultures people have affairs. I don't think a few minutes of pleasure is worth the agony it causes. But if your husband just cannot meet your needs then consider a divorce first. Maybe ask the other man if he wuld want to marry you. If he does not then what does he want you for? Maybe only for sex. <P>Definitely sex is pleasurable. I think people should have more self control though. There are so many beautiful people in the world. You can't have sex with them all. If you fall into the temptation with one person then probably there willbe others. I think no one is trying to be critical because they do not like you. The people on this discussion board are trying to save marriages. They have gone through the worst pain there is. They do not want to see other's meaning your husband in this case, go through this pain.<P>Why should someone else care about your husband when you do not? I don't know but you are his wife. He trusts you. He trusts that you will not betray him. Give him a break. Why does he deserve this? What terrible thing did he do to you that you cannot forgive him. I am sure your husband doesn;t mind to be with some very beautiful women also but he has self control and respect and love for you. Marriage is about respect and love.<P>Without the loves and respect, why be married? The sungle person has the option to love as many people as they want. But we have chosen marriage. Marriage is to be faithful to one person for life. Love is something that needs to be worked on. There are many kinds of love. The hot passionate love is just one kind. Maybe it is the most primitive kind of love. It is still important but it is not the mature kind of love. <P>I vote for you to give your husband a break. Think about your husband's feelings. Think about how miserable your husband willbe for many many years. Your husband will suffer for many years because you want a few moments of hot passionate pleasure. I really do not think it is worth it. <P>I would have given anything to my wife to prevent her from having her affair. To her it was just for a few moments of pleasure when she was feeling down. She is fully over it but I must live with this forever. <P>I would recommend to talk with someone also before you destroy maybe three or four lives: yours, your husband's and the other man's and his wife.<P>I am attracted to a lot of women also. A lot of women are beautiful and cute. Some women have wanted to carry on with me but I was brought up to believe that this is wrong. If I want to do this then I will divorce first. I respect my wife and love my wife even though she betrayed me. Your husband may not be so kind.

I am quite thankful for all the advise I have received regarding my situation. I just want to clarify that I am intrested in 1 person not many people as some writers indicated. I also feel that the advise on the std's were extreme... I do love my husband he is the nicest guy in the world we had and have a happy life together. I really do not know why I became attracted to the othe man. I initally wrote on this site eo seek advise from others who might of been in simular situations. I also want to clarify to the writers I have not had sex with this man. Yes, oral sex. I am confused I feel really guilty my husband loves me and I love him.. But I have a passion for the OM.. Maybe it will pass I hope so...

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by XTRA1:<BR><B>I am quite thankful for all the advise I have received regarding my situation. I just want to clarify that I am intrested in 1 person not many people as some writers indicated. I also feel that the advise on the std's were extreme... I do love my husband he is the nicest guy in the world we had and have a happy life together. I really do not know why I became attracted to the othe man. I initally wrote on this site eo seek advise from others who might of been in simular situations. I also want to clarify to the writers I have not had sex with this man. Yes, oral sex. I am confused I feel really guilty my husband loves me and I love him.. But I have a passion for the OM.. Maybe it will pass I hope so...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It will never "pass" unless you stop all contact and start to rebuild your marriage. I can honestly say that, as I was a WS. I wish you all the best.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by XTRA1:<BR><B>I am quite thankful for all the advise I have received regarding my situation. I just want to clarify that I am intrested in 1 person not many people as some writers indicated. I also feel that the advise on the std's were extreme... I do love my husband he is the nicest guy in the world we had and have a happy life together. I really do not know why I became attracted to the othe man. I initally wrote on this site eo seek advise from others who might of been in simular situations. I also want to clarify to the writers I have not had sex with this man. Yes, oral sex. I am confused I feel really guilty my husband loves me and I love him.. But I have a passion for the OM.. Maybe it will pass I hope so...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Just one thought ~ oral sex is sex, and more intimate than intercourse, IMHO.<P>