BellD, So, what are you saying? Ironically, I lied to her for 8 months about my escapades when we were seperated last year and came clean with her 2 days after d-day. (This is when she admitted the sexuality of their relationhsip). But I have taken responsibility and aploligized for my actions. She stillhas notforgiven me. I met with ,my pasotr and told her I discussed my forgiving her with him. She actually said Forgie me for what? <P>So based on your comments, today I do not trust her, but again is this her? This is my daily quandry, if my wife returns, the actions shall speak to the real truth.<P>JK<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by belldandy:<BR><B>dun_z, in response to your comment:<P>"I do suggest you ask yourself, 'Do I dislike my wife or do I hate the things she has done and continues to do?' If it is her actions, that is very different from the person."<P>That is very true. One screw-up doesn't make one a lousy individual. However, we are the sum of our actions. The *sum* of them. What do the actions of a person who continues to hide, evade, refuse to tell the truth, etc., say about that individual? That they are a likeable person? That this is someone you can trust? <P>I have no issue trusting someone who is capable of saying,"I made a mistake, and I take full responsibility." But I do *not* trust someone who defers the blame, refuses to "come clean," or refuses to clean up the mess they made. That, to me, is the sum of a person I don't like very much and whom I do not want in my life.<P>Can someone who was once trustworthy and likeable change into an unlikeable, untrustworthy person? As human beings, we are capable of inner change. Maybe then we should think not in terms of our WS's showing us their "true colors" (as though they always carried that mendacity around with them) but rather, that they became this ugly, unlikeable person once they got involved with the OP? <P>belld </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><p>[This message has been edited by JK (edited June 12, 2001).]
