BrokenDreamsX,<P>Life does often give us lemons we don't want. We as people often focus on the negative aspect of it. Well I can't believe this happened, or I wish that this hadn't happened. It's difficult to see the larger picture sometimes, as we focus on either on piece of it, or a few pieces of it.<P>So turn the bad into good. Easier said then done sometimes. Just have to want to do it is all, have to want to see it some other way. Then you can start taking those lemons, and doing some postive with them, making that lemonaid.<P>Thanks for the support. I too hope you continue to take the bad and use it towards the good that can be achieved in life easily if you just see it another way. My prayers, and strength for you <P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.

[H]--<P>went out got drunk. end of school year party. intentional.. hurt so much. very tempted by guy at work. my h gave me 'permission' to date..won't, but it hurt a lot. doesn't he know how much it means to me that he is my only one,. I have nver been with another. isn't that special to him?<P>gonna sleep it off now, but wanted you to know how inspirational you wer eto me. wish H could get where you are. I love him so much. it hurts.<P>cali<P>

Terrified,<P>During plan A. I covered this in a post to HurtWife. She basically left me alone to do what I was going to do. Which I ended up making the situation more and more uncomfortable for myself. I ended up moving out as well. I'll direct you to a post I made in this thread to HurtWife, and you can read another piece of my story.<P>I avoided her, she seemingly avoided me. We spent a lot of time apart, but together.<P>Thank you for you questions, always willing to help give possible answers based on what happened to me.<P>Praying and wishing you the best Terrified<BR>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 14, 2001).]

Cali,<P>I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure I also told my wife, that she could date other people as well. That I thought that might be a good idea for us to do that.<P>My logic on that? I feel bad, I feel guilty about what I'm doing, it then jusifys me "dating" someone else, if she is as well.<P>I also gave my friends and co-workers my permission to ask my wife out on a date. "As vile as that sounds" They never did anything like that. My friend did take my wife out one night, at my request, that she was feeling down, and I thought it would be good for her to get out and do something, didn't matter what it was. I knew he wasn't going to do anything, i've known him a long time. <P>Stay strong Cali <BR>Praying your husband see's the light.<P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by [H]:<BR><B>Ssorci,<P>I spoke of my wife being in plan A also. I said it was a very wierd time for me. Thats very much true. At that time I was still hiding some things from her. When she all ready knew what was going on. I fell into a stage of "We are just friends, nothing is going on" Even after denying acusations to the end.<P>It was almost surreal. On one hand my wife was almost ignoring me. To a point where it looked like she didn't even care. Meanwhile I carried the affair on right in front of her eyes. At times I wondered myself, ("She must know whats going on? She has got to know? She knows I'm hiding things, I see it in her questions, even the questions she doesn't ask.") The whole thought of her knowing about it, and almost allowing it to happen right in front of her eyes scared me, bothered me on many levels. I expected serious repercussions.<P>I started to think a lot of things then like ("Well if she knows that I know, that she knows.") Type of confusing statements, and ("Why isn't she yelling at me? Why doesn't she say anything?") So then it led me into thinking ("She doesn't know whats going on, maybe is paritial aware. She doesn't know all the details. Maybe she's worried about it, but doesn't have all the details because I've been hiding them")<P>Fact is, she knew fast, and she knew a lot. Even the details that weren't point blank she knew allready. I said at one point. I seriously underestimated her. That's a good thing. Because I hadn't expected her to find out. I hadn't expected a lot of things. My story was simple, partially true at the time. I wanted to find a better life. To get out of the state we were in. To get a better job, where I could be more appreciated for my long hours I put in. To do a lot of things. At the time of my affair, these thoughts did not include my wife.<P>I wanted things all right, but I wanted these things for myself. The very fact I was seemingly getting away with everything right in front of her face was Scary to me. Foreign. I never lied to my wife before my affair. I had nothing to lie about. So lying has a tendancy to bite you in the [censored] if your not used to doing it.<P>When I came home from my (A) I had some bags from the trip. I was so tired when I came home. I also remember telling my wife. Don't go through my things, I will deal with them later. Don't do this or touch my stuff. Clear indicator, that I was hiding something. I'd never said anything like that before, and if I had thought about it more to cover the affair I would have told her, if she wants to go ahead and do whatever she wanted with my luggage.<P>So as a result she went through my things, and found some things that I knew she'd find if she went through them. First mistake for me. Trying to hide it.<P>Now how does this all fit your wondering? I pretended like nothing was going on. Pretended that nothing had happened. Pretended like I didn't know, that she knew, and I wasn't trying to hide things. Did a lot of lying, and a lot of pretending during her plan A.<P>Her support I believe was this site and many books. She's got a regular library of books for learning, growing, and understanding Affairs, Marriages, ect. Primarily her support was here, and the good people of this site. A question perhaps, better asked of her <P>I'll point this out to her, and perhaps she can give you more insight as to what helped her get through each day.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you for sharing your experince with me. It must be difficult for you. Is your marriage in recovery? I look forward to hearing from your wife.<P>Shelly Sorci<P>

Shelly Sorci,<P>I was just reading your post and I wanted to let you that we are in recovery and we are doing really well.<P>I will go back and reread your post so that I can better respond you to.<P>Hang in there <P>K/LostNco/DSN<BR>[H]'s wife

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ssorci:<BR><B>My DH is so deep in a fog that he openly admits that he is not ready to totaly separate from OW. We are still living together and I have been in Plan A for 2 1/2 months. He says he loves me and our family, does not want to loose me, but cannot give her up. He comes home each night and pretends like everything is normal. It kills me to look into his eyes knowing that he is still talking to her and seeing her. Please tell me how to survive the deep pain that he causes me each day. Are any of you experiencing this and if so how have you handled it?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Shelly,<BR>Oh honey, I'm sorry for your pain. I've been there and I know it sucks. Hang in there hon, it does get better. I know this for a fact. You WILL have bad days and you WILL have good days. The bad days will come fewer and far between in time. A key thing to remember is it takes time.<P>You wanted to know how I survived the pain. Day by day. If that didn't work, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. I found MB and read EVERYTHING I could here. I read for 12 hours and that wasn't even getting near the message board! I applied the concepts to my life. MB is an amazing place with amazing people who truly care about everyone here. Read all you can here. Get SAA (Surviving An Affair) by Dr. Harley. It is a MUST read!!<P>Here's some things to really help you out. First off, BREATHE! Take it one day at a time. One thing I did was go to my doctor and got antidepressants. You may be someone who doesn't like the idea of antidepressants but at least go and talk with your doctor and let him/her know what's going on in your life. Then read all you can and post post post!<P>One thing I remember being asked is what have you done for YOURSELF today. Shelly, what have you done for yourself today?? Do things for YOU, take care of YOU!<P>I hope this sheds some light for you. I'd be glad to share more with you if you like.<P>Hang in there Shelly. It will be ok. You WILL be ok!!<P>(((((((SHELLY))))))<P>Cyber hugs to you <P>K/LostNco/DSN<BR>[H]'s wife

Wow, what a thread! Congratulations to Aeon Blue and Knewjie! <P>I am so glad you are working it out. I remember when OW was posting to Knewjie and it was just horrible. By a vowel if you can't get a clue, OW. <P>That was not very nice of me, but like Belldandy put so eloquently, we can get protective. <P>Anyway, prayers to you two. God is good.

Thanks Raskal <P>Yeah some bad things about a thread like this is that a lot can get missed. I hadn't realized someone new (Ssorci) posted a question in it. <P>Orchid pulled it out "Bless her heart" and posted it on her own thread. So things get kinda cluttered up in here unfortunately. <P>Not my goal or intention to have the largest thread, because of this very fact. To many things to surf through if you need help. To many posts to look at if your wondering about a specific question, and how someone else may have answered it with thier situation.<P>Bell will hopefully return one day. Hopefully she'll get a chance to post again, and she can fill in the the rest from there. Sure do miss her. Pretty sad when a good member of the family is forced to leave, or has to leave.<P>And acutally I think the posts your talking about to LostNco at the time was (EXPB) Whats an EXPB you ask? You know... "Ex-Parasitic-Boyfriend"<P>------------------<BR>Prayers, Hugs, and Strength from both of us. Things do and can get better. Keep hoping, learning, and growing. Take care of yourself.<P>[H] and Knewjie

Dear (H's)Wife,<P>Thank you so much for taking time to respond to me and provide me with much needed support. <P>Yes, I have read "Surviving an Affair" and have read it through several times. I also purchased the tapes of His Needs Her Needs and both my H and I have been listening to them. They're fabulous. I wish that I had had access to them prior to my H's A. My H and I have also had a couple of sessions with Dr. Steve Harley and I found the support that he provides to be very helpful. I've been on antidepressents now for about 3 weeks and am just beginning to feel the positive effects of the medication. My H just started 3 days ago and of course they're not helping yet, but hopefully soon. <P>I find my H very difficult to be around. His level of anexity is so high, it's like watching someone come down from a high on drugs. His hands shake, he has difficulty talking in complete sentences and making sense. He is so anxious that I'm afraid that he will do something stupid. He has on occassion talked about committing suicide. This really scares me. Watching what my H is going through emotionally, is the most difficult thing I have ever done. And the effect that it has on our children is devastating. My oldest son (10 yrs old) knows about the A and is experiencing anxiousness, insecurity about the stability of his family unit and has become very withdrawn. I have arranged for him to begin counseling this next week, and I try and spend plenty of quiet time with him helping him to release and vent the feelings he is builing inside of him.<P>There are times, especially when I see my children hurting, that I would like to strangle my H and the OW. They are so into themselves that they are totally unaware of the path of destruction they have left in their wake. And by the time the fog lifts for them, the damage will have already been so severe that the road to recovery for all will be long and tedious. And the pain continues............<P>I do remind myself often that I need to take this time in our marriage one moment at a time. Of course saying this and doing this are two different things. <P>I've joined an all women's gym, begun power walking during my lunch hour at work, joined an infidelity support group, and generally over all started taking better care of myself. Being a mother of three children, ages 6 to 20 years of age, I very rarely ever thought of my needs. I was always putting the kids and my H first. I now reallize that that was destructive to myself. And I'm learning to better balance the care and support that I need and deserve. <P>I am so happy that Dr. Harley recommended this Discussion Forum to me. I really appreciate all of your support. I know that my H and I have a long way to go, and knowing that you are all here will be great!<P>I'll be posting and reading your posts often and hope to hear from all of you regularly.<P>Peace and healing,<BR>Shelly Sorci<P>------------------<BR>Shelly

Raskal,<P>Thank you for your defensivness and bring protective We did have the attack of EXPB "Ex-Parasitic-Boyfriend" back in April and "IT" on this thread recently.<P>You are in our prayers also! <P>Shelly,<P>I moved your response to me to your own thread that Orchid (bless her heart) created for you so that you wont get lost in this thread. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009623.html" TARGET=_blank>Click here to see it.</A> I'll respond to you there later.<P>Hang in there!!<P>K/LostNco/DSN<BR>[H]'s wife <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Knewjie (edited June 16, 2001).]

Bump <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OMG!!!

What terrible, awful memories...

...so GREATFUL that my dreams were realized...

what a gift [H] was THAT summer.

Cali (TryingAgain)...

Cali,

This time totally sucked last year for you. It was really hard for me too. We had just reconciled and we're starting to recover.

I should be working my [censored] off right now but seeing some of the new posters posting, I thought that I would bump these 2 threads up for them.

It's amazing how far we both have come. God has blessed us beyond belief.

Much love and Hugs,
K

Up up and up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

Up up and up!

K

Up!!

K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H- this was very inspiring. I sound exactly like your wife, well the way that I am handling this. Strong, taking care of the finances, pets, myself, praying every night. My husband recently left again, says he dosen't feel it in his heart, still loves me though, just wants me to let him go, he dosen't want it anymore. He has left before and always returns on his own. He has alot of guilt and remorse. I have not talked to him in close to 3 weeks. What are your thoughts on a plan B letter? What should be in it?

The first post on this thread was REALLY what I needed to hear today. Thank you [H]

Tomorrow will make 1 month since my WW moved out. She's been living with OM most of that time. Every day has been a constant struggle to hold onto sanity and keep myself facing forward. Without God, I wouldn't have made it that first week.

I am hopeful that our marriage will become better than ever. We were highschool sweethearts, completly in love up until this, and I know we can become the friends/lovers/companions that we always wanted to be.

Thank you for putting light at the end of my tunnel again.

bump again