HB I could hardly waite to read how you are doing. I know it's hard now but I will assure you that in a short time you will walk down the street with the wind in your face and feel "oh so good"! The crazys will be gone and a since of "feelin good about me" will be there. I'm living through you so don't let me down. As I have told my daughter "You will not be ready for anyone else for sometime but you will get there". I'll be reading, and hoping,and praying, and smilling just thinking about you and how great you have done. Say Hi to your MOM<P>------------------<BR>Marry

Humblefish, it's me again. I've been lurking and keeping up with your posts because they're so similar to mine and I honestly don't have the strength all the the time to even type what I'm feeling or even try and sort it all out. I wish I was there to give you a hug because I do know what you're going through. It's been five or is it six weeks now? Anyway the first days were like some horrible nightmare. Even now it's still hard and today a friend made a comment about the way he sees me picking myself up and how good I'm doing, but that he has the feeling I'm building a wall around myself. I think this is true in some ways, but I feel like I have to in order to get myself through this. I also understand the drinking... Did that too. <P>So far the pain hasn't subsided and in some ways it gets worse. I'm not telling you this to scare you, but to help you understand that it's a part of the healing process. The pain is there but dealing with it is becoming easier. Try to keep yourself busy. If you have children, since it's summer, do as many things as you can with them. Take weekend trips to nearby cities and explore places you've never been to before even if it's just a street you've passed by every day but never gone down it. Volunteer at hospitals or whatever. <P>Don't try to contact MM or his W. Cut yourself off completely from them (or as much as you can). Go ahead and cry. You need to get it out. Confide in friends and let them help get you through this. For my part I keep reading the post of the BS's to remind me of the pain they go through. I have noticed that I don't spend as much time on these boards as I did in the beginning, but that's because now, I actually have a life again. It does happen - slowly but surely. I'm not in limbo anymore and you won't be either soon. <P>I too acknowledged that if he were to show up at my doorstep I couldn't turn him away. So I planned and gave myself a mind set. I will not accept him unless he is completely and legally single and in the mean time I'm moving on with my life. Not that I'm holding out, but I figure that, that is not going to happen anytime soon and in the mean time I will have healed enough to be able to turn him away. Did that make any sense at all? I haven't been drinking and I can't seem to express myself well either. Oh, well.<P>I still wake up at one, two or three in the morning and because nights are the worst that's usually when I'm on here, but I plan on sleeping tonight even if it's on pure stubborness.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>It WILL be okay and this too shall pass.<P>PS You'll be able to breath around week three (okay, I planned on putting a smiley here, but for some reason mine aren't working).

gottruth?<P>Hi there . I’m still among the living but I feel really awful. Took the day off from work and I’m kind of regrouping. It will take some time but I’ll get through it. And yes I will say hi to my mom from you. Even though you don’t know eachother I can tell you that she is sooo relieved that I took this step. A Mom always worries and even though I do not have children myself - If I ever have I wouldn’t want them to be in a similar situation as I was in. I don’t think anyone really wishes to be not to have once children be in a mess like this.<P>I don’t know your story but you seem like a warm and kind person and I wish you all the best <P><BR>TRose<P>I hear you - and yes our situations are very similar - I have sent you a mail <BR>