I don't really want to post. But this has always been my personal form of therapy. Our marriage took a big turn backwards last night. Let me back track and catch you all up. <P>H moved back in on 4/29/01. Ow left many messages called almost daily. What I didn't know is that OW setup a 'secret' voicemail box and H was participating. Also, he did see and have sex with OW since he moved home (he says 3 times, she says that much each week, WS says no just 3 times). Bad enough, let's add to this ugly scene. <P>I went to the doctor last Friday, I knew something was wrong. I already took the home test and the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant......the doctor also found out that I have a fibroid tumor. Double YUCK. Don't get me wrong, I am not angry at the baby. Just the baby's father. <P>I found out about OW & WS last night, when H who came home from work, totally depressed not even coherent. I went to take a shower and came out and he was sleeping. At about 11pm when I was going to bed, his work phone rang. Only one other person would call him this late: OW. H missed the first call, she paged and called his cell again. Remember about how he kept putting off changing his work #? Hmmmph....... I finally picked up his work cell and she demanded to speak to H. H was asleep and I said he was busy (sleeping), she yelled at me at called me a B. I said 'listen lady' her response was 'yes, I'm a lady and you're not'. Then she went on yelling at me how I have tied H up and forced him to stay home, taken his money, etc...... until the phone lost it's signal. Great!!! Then she called back on the HOUSE Phone. I picked up the phone and psyco babble kept on going like the everready bunny. She even accused me of sleeping with my H, she said how dare I do that. I had to remind her that I was the one married to him, was she? She said that did not matter, he belonged to her. I forgot who hung up. H heard the entire conversation. <P>I woke H up and then he wanted to talk. hmmmph.... he cried saying he was waiting to tell me. right..... OW was on the phone saying she knew I was preg., h was going to wait and leave me after I miscarried, OW thought he should leave me anyway, our son would be ok without his father and that OW was PREG also!! I told OW, go tell your H. WS knew all this!!! Is OW really preg? Not sure, she feigned this threat once before. <P>So I am already having 24 hour morning sickness symptoms. I don't need any more stress, you know? Now I am having to deal with a whinney, lying, cheating H who claims he wants his family and I'm not hurt just angry and disappointed. I couldn't even cry. WS kept trying to talk to me and falling asleep. I was too angry. H tried calling OW to break it off with her. I gave him option to break it off once and for all or get out immediately. WS was so despondent (depression and working long hours and had to up for a 6:30am limo run at 5am), he called OW twice, she hung up on him the first time after non-stop talking (she did not get the name psyco babble for nothing), but WS could not really spit the words out. All that came out was: "you know where this is leading to". <P>Enough, I packed Ws's clothes put them in the hallway and said, go get the D, we'll meet on Friday to declare bankruptcy, your son & I are going to be evicted and need to move in with MIL. I will find another father for your children. WS cried. Ws said he sees OW as a manipulative OW similar to [H]'s post. Ws read [h]'s post, I just don't know if it is too late for recovery. <P>I don't know how to feel. My previous word to H when he came home was if he screwed up that was it. Well he did and now I have to keep my word. Our children will not have a father. How sad. <P>H said the one thing he wanted to do was kill himself. You know I could not even muster up the sympathy to panic and try to help him. I offered him no support. H went to work this morning and has called 4 times to let me know where he is and what he is doing. I don't feel like talking to him anymore. H called to say he was coming home around midnight, I just feel empty. <P>What I need right now is some support. Maybe something to make me laugh. I am to upset to cry. No more tears. I am in the acceptance stage and just want to go on. <P>Maybe I'll head over to the d/d board now. <P>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited June 13, 2001).]

Orchid,<BR>Are you still here tonight? What on earth can I possibly say to you? I'm without any meaningful words. Just wish I could help in some way.<P>Some people have to hit rock bottom before they can start crawling out. Perhaps your H is one of them. Why on earth he has to take you and your son with him is beyond reason. <P>Is there anyone who you can call to talk to tonight? The health and well being of you and your children are the number one priority right now.<P>Just breath, slowly, deeply.<P>Z<P>

Orchid,<P>I don't have any words of wisdom, but I'm still up and wanted you to know that someone saw your post. I'm so sorry that this happened.<P>I'll be thinking of you, and will say a prayer.<P>Steve

Zorweb and Steve,<P>Thank you for your care and kind posts. It does leave one at a loss. Even I feel speechless and that is very unusual. I am trying hard not to put this child's life in jeporady. I will not do anything foolish. It is not the child's fault it has a WS for a father. See I lost a baby last year. A part of me wanted another one but another part did not want one from H. We are not financially able to handle another child, but now it is not an option. Oooh how I hate the fog and the A. Just top it off that this OW plays this stupid game. I never said I wanted to play. I just want her out of my life. <P>I tried searching for OW's H via web search but found old stuff. H is suppose to be out of the country (so ow says) but I think he should know what his W is up to. It may or may not help him, but it sure would help me. <P>I told H I would take his clothes and dump it in her driveway. H said she has 2 dogs. OK. So what? Is she going to sic them on me? You know being preg. actually saved me a trip. I really wanted to dump his clothes up there. Remember the laundry bag incident? Same OW same house. Hmm......<P>For me when I am in a real stressful mode, my attitude tends to pull back. I have to find some thing to laugh about to keep my sanity. I hope I don't come off to weird but I must stay balanced and not let it get to me. Arrrgh....<P>Thanks again for being here. <P>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited June 14, 2001).]

Orchid, <P>In your condition you don't need to be lugging his stuff up to her house. Too much work, too many emotions.<P>Instead pack all his cloths and stuff in the black garbage bag and put them out on the curb. Then call him and tell him who ever gets to the first can have them.... either him or the garbage man. lol<P>OK, I have a sick sense of humor.. but I'd do it.<P>Z<P><BR>

I too am awake at this late hour, lots surfing through my mind. <P>Worried about you Orchid, and Belldandy. Oh and miffed (OW) decided to respect my no contact wish by posting in my thread. Very hmm "Noble" of her.<P>It rains it pours. Take things slow, take a breather, watch the weather change. <P>Above all, take some time for yourself. Lots happened recently takes time to react to everything.<P>Glad he's finally seeing some light. I am one to believe it's never to late to do the right thing, the honorable thing. Lots of negative things happening around there. So gotta do something postive to balance it out somewhere. Least I think thats how it works. Gotta have some pluses with your minues.<P>Above all, you can change your mind. You can switch gears. My friend told me this. Because I thought I was headed down a path that I had to continue heading down. The choice is yours. If you still want to try and make it work, and he finally is getting out of the fog, he's finally seeing exactly what it is he is doing. The mistakes he's making, and continuing to make. If he finally says I get that, and I understand. I wan't to work on things. Then the choice is up to you, and he what you do. You don't have to follow through with divorce just because you threatened it.<P>My wife too said, well this is it. It's final if you choose this path. I took the path with (OW) she was patient. I expected a divorce and things did turn around for us, just when it seemed it was all down hill.<P>He has to believe, and he has to want as well. Is this the only and first time he's said I will break things off with (OW)? I too tried many times to break things of with the (OW) in my (A) was so difficult at first.<P>Why is it he doesn't see her negativity. Why doesn't he see that for face value. It's vicious. Doesn't matter if she's sweet him now, but I see some serious underlying evil and vileness about her. Even from here. I can see that.<P>It's brutal, who'd want a (OW) like that? So it took his fairytale dust a lot longer to wear off then it took mine. It wears off, and its difficult to believe its gone. So you hang on to it more. You ignore some things like "Wow this woman is out of control" Look at the vicious circle we're in. Look at how she's treating me.<P>This woman who said "I love you" is now getting upset with me, because I'm trying to be happy, i'm trying to stop lying, and i'm trying to do the right thing. I'll address your husband if thats okay.. If not i'll edit the post tomorrow and erase it.<P>(Orchid's H)<BR>-------------------------------------<BR>I know its hard to break free. I've been there myself. I found it so difficult to say (Please don't contact me anymore) I found it more difficult also when she then responded with Hon!!! whats going on, and other emails that ensued. Phone calls that followed. I am here alone right now, and I didn't have someone else to watch over me and help me in that tough time really. So I relied on myself to do the right thing. I flooded my wifes email box with emails everytime I felt I wanted to respond to (OW)<P>It's hard. The OW in my situation was a good friend of mine who I knew for 2 years prior. It was also sad that I was going to loose my dear friend in all of this. That choice I made because I knew it was the right thing. This is one of those times where the right choice is the one of the hardest things you will do. With time it gets easy. You start to see all of the negativity in the relationship. You start to notice little things like "Wow I can't believe I let her sucker me in with that" I used to think I could spot someone slinging BS a mile a way. I'd sit around with my friends or co-workers and say. Look at the story that guy or girl just spewed out. I can't believe anyone would buy that BS. <P>Same thing here my friend, only we are the unfortunate people who are swallowing up the BS. Taking it in and saying, yeah he or she is right. When we know deep down, it isn't right. We know its total crap. We just don't recognize that quickly.<P>It was also hard for me to admit I made a mistake. I don't like to be wrong. I am always right, this and that. Well I was wrong, and I made a mistake. The ego tends to add to this. Well the mistake your making and contining to make is appearent. The tears your feel are real. I to cried when I hit the bottom. I to said, why do I feel so lousey. Well thats because I was continuing to believe the lie. Contining to swallow the bait like a fish. <P>Seriously, look at the amount of patience and understanding your wife has for you. You think OW is seriously gonna put up with that amount of crap? Hell no. Why does your wife? Because she loves you, genuinely loves you. Your son also loves you, he just wants his father back. Someone to take him to ball games, and someone to pass on grand advice when he runs in to trouble later in life. Where will you be? Make a stand my friend. Listen to your heart, and stop hurting a woman who cares for you so deeply. Do the right thing.<P>You and your wife have history together. Ow will be nothing but pain in the future.<P>I told my friend that I started to see things were "Good" but not "Great" with (OW) yeah well guess what? That's coming out of the fog. Put two and two together, its down hill from there. You know that all ready.<P>(Me)<BR>I want to let go of (OW), she's sweet, kind, and loving at times... But our past is damaged goods, there’s no future with her right now.<P>Thats from my chat with my friend. She's damaged goods, as is your relationship. Stop hiding, stop lying, come clean.. You will feel so much better when your not trying to keep track of what lie you told who. You will feel so much better when your not trying to justify your actions to everyone. When your not thinking of excuses to say. When your not spending all this time and energy hiding, or putting out fires with either side.<P>(Me)<BR>My wife knows me, we've got history, she really is trying, has shown me worlds of love, and compassion through all of this, but I’m scared things will sit exactly as they have in the past...<BR>(Me)<BR>Which brought me to being unhappy and then I had an affair...<P>Things wont be the same. Thats a plus. Rest assured my friend, the damage is done. No more need to hurt people, no more need to worry about nothing changing. We've all ready made sure of that with the (A) in the first place. Now time to work on rebuilding. Time to use this mistake to your advantage, time to say. <P>You love this woman right? You wanted all these grand things in the beginning, you had all these hopes and dreams. Whats stopping you from achieving them? To have a perfect marriage? Aint nothing standing in your way but (OW) my friend. Cast her aside and get back to basic communication, be understanding, be loving, be caring. It's simple. You remember all those times you looked at your wife in the beginning and said. "I can't possibly be more in love with you" Oh it's possible It does happen. Just have to try. Just have to want. It's easy really. Learn how.<P>Take me for example. I don't know a ton about women and thier wants thier needs. My wife is telling me what will make her happy. She's learned a lot from books, and this site. I'm happy to learn right along side of her. It's great to stop and say, oh hell I understand now, and I can't believe I was doing that, wow okay.. I'll stop and do this instead.<P>(Me)<BR>I feel so horrible when I talk to her, because she's been a good wife, she's done some things in the past, that have truly hurt me, and I lashed out in such a way... I’m at this point now I guess.<BR>(Me)<BR>But I can't blame her entirely for these things...<BR>(Friend)<BR>Part of this has been escalated.<BR>(Friend) says:<BR>And it happened fast, and fast is bad.<BR>(Me)<BR>I should have been more open and honest about how i felt during those times...<BR>(Friend)<BR>Sure.<BR>(Friend)<BR>And you could be now.<P>And you could be now... I said I should have been more open and honest about how I felt during those times I was unhappy in my marriage. My friend chimes in with.. And you could be now. Oh right! I'm still married, I'm still married to her. I thought I had burned my last bridge, but he's right.. I am still married, she still wants to work on the marriage. "I am being now" I am more open and honest with my wife now, then I ever was. Then I ever had been, and she's the same way with me. It's like falling deeper in love, or all over again. This is the good part, this fairy tale doesn't end, doesn't have to end.<P>(Me)<BR>I'm letting (OW), manipulate me too, based on her feelings for me, and my feelings for her, and it continues... it's harsh... I’ve felt I could never meet anyone as caring as her, and lately, I’ve seen some really negative and cynical crap from her.<BR>(Friend)<BR>When everything changes quickly, no body is comfortable, and everyone reacts.<BR>(Me)<BR>And i'm just f-ing sick of being judged by everyone...<P>Whats the verdict on this one folks? Well simply put It's coming out of the fog. It's realizing i'm tired of seeing this negative and bitter attitude from her as well. I thought it was just my wife. Oh it's never one person. It's everyone. Because its a vicious circle.<P>Want to stop being judged? <BR>Own up for your actions, and end the (A).<P>Want to stop justifying where you were, who you were with? End the (A)<P>Want to stop lying?<BR>End the (A)<P>Want to stop fighting with everyone?<BR>End the (A)<P>Want to stop hurting everyone?<BR>End the (A)<P>Focus..<P>Friend) says:<BR>You should focus on one thing at a time.... always moving toward a goal.<BR>(Friend) says:<BR>If you look at all of it, it can be overwhelming.<P>Focus on one thing at a time my friend. First things first. Stop the (A) Send the no contact letter, send the no contact phone call, get some help. Talk to people who've been in your shoes. <P>There is no future with (OW) there never was. You never had time to plan a future, you never had time to do anything.<BR>So why are you holding on to the past?<BR>Everything has happened so fast, and so quick. You ran. You escaped. Stop running.<P>Hope this post helps him see some of the light.<BR>Sorry for mispellings, gramatical errors, puncutation and other stuff.. It's late.<BR>------------- <P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.

Oh.. <P>and Orchid's H.<P>Stop being (Ow's) doormat friend. Don't let her do your thinking for you. This is your life not (Ow's). You're a person not property. She doesn't own you, and doesn't pull your strings. You're not a puppet. Your a man. <P>Your wife is one great lady, she's helped all of us out here at MB. I can't say enough good things about this great woman here. She cares for you deeply, loves you genuinely, and is commited to helping you. She's an amazing person really. Finds the time to help all those on this site with thier problems, while she's dealing with her own. She's got kids to take care of, a job to go to, and a husband who she still loves. She just wants you to come home. Really home. She just wants things to be better. Want's things to be great again, to be happy. Who wouldn't want that?<P>Orchid,<P>I hope I haven't stepped on your toes with this post at all. Hope it's full meaning and value is presented in this post. I'll just go ahead and apologize now, if this is stepping over the boundries here.<P>(Hugs) Thank you for being there for my wife, an myself. As I am now trying to return the favor.<P>-- <BR>Added, and now I can get some sleep <BR>I knew I was awake for a reason.<BR>--<P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 14, 2001).]

Orchid - the difficult things are easy - it's the impossible ones that take more time.<P>Hang tough.<P>WAT

Orchid;<P>May God Bless and keep you thru this time; I am sorry I cannot give you a funny joke today but I am in tears after reading your posts. I have followed it for a while and really didnt expect this...you certainly didnt either.<P>If I find some kind of joke...I will give it to you but even though you wanted some humor today - I cannot muster it for you just yet.<P>I wish I were as strong as you; I think you have incredible strength. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.<BR>Scuba

Oh Orchid!!!!(( )))))))) I feel for you! I was on the Divorced boards for awhile in April when H surprised me with D papers because OW pressured him to do it to me.( didnt know that at the time- I thought he was thru with her and he claimed his reasons for D were all about him and me) There are lots of supportive people on that board. Your H's OW sounds ALOT like my H"s OW- jealous of you, extremely competitive and more than a few tacos short of a combo plate. My H had to 'break it off with OW' at least 6 times over several months and even when OW took a job transfer to another state she STILL had mind control over him- I really thought she had him programmed against me- she would make an excellent recruiter for the Moonies! I am still amazed how one year of contact with her could program H against 15 yrs of our marriage- Amazing!Trying to keep her away from my H was like taking a strip steak from a Rottweiler! Anyway Orchid- you are such an insightful sensitive person- I can tell from your posts to others on this board. Hang in there and keep posting- we care about you. lifeismessy

{{{{{{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Oh my heart just bleeds for you reading this. H's words are like that of Solomon, I hope your H reads them and really hears. I wish he could come and talk to my H for that matter, run some courses for WS's world wide. <P>No matter which way you decide to go of course we will all be here for you, and praying for you and your children. I couldn't blame you if you did decide to put him to the curb, and I couldn't blame you if you see like I do that is sounds like just maybe there is a real chance here that it is finally over and he finally sees what he stands to lose and give it a shot, either way you are fully justified right now. One thing for sure, it's best not to make a decision like this out of anger, tempting as it may be.<P>I noticed something you said was that when he came home that that was it, you would give him no more chances after that basically. Believe me I understand. Said that myself. But it's kinda like the advice H has for your H, you can change your mind, you can change gears, if you want to.<P>Keep us updated, even if you are switching boards at least let us know for sure what happens tonight. <P>And for the requested laugh:<P>(Remember I'm from NY )<P>There is a new bumper sticker in New York State. <BR>It says :"Run, Hillary, Run" <BR>Democrats put it on the back bumper... <BR>Republicans put on the front bumper... <P> <BR>

{{{{Orchid}}}}}<P>Wow. What can I say? I can't say I hope you start feeling, because it might hurt too much right now. <P>Please just keep doing what you are doing, taking care of yourself, thinking things through...<P>My prayers are with you. This is almost bringing me to tears. <BR>

(((((((Orchid)))))))), What can I say? I know it's the next morning now, and the way this rollercoaster goes, who knows what you're feeling now. Just wanted to let you know that you are cared for, you are respected and you are loved - by all of us here on MB's AND I believe, by your husband - your real husband, not this 'alien'. Sometime soon he'll come down to earth with a BIG crash, His fog must be made of treacle, it sticks so much! And this OW is such a nightmare - boy, does she have some mental problems or what - 'sick' I think is a very appropriate word in her case! Right now, look after yourself sweetie - do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your children from any more emotional turmoil, even if it means going back to Plan B for a while. You are an amazing woman - a real survivor - never forget that, and never lose hope, never, never!<P>((((((hugs))))))), Paint.

Oh Orchid,<P>I am so sorry.<P>I don't have any good jokes or bits of wisdom to give you...<P>Can I just hug you? (((((Orchid)))))<P>May God give you strength as you go through this turbulant, emotional, painful time.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Orchid--<P>[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[orchid]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]<P>I have read yours and belldandy's posts and if I weren't in a classroom full of students, I would be crying right now. <P>You have posted such inspirational stuff to me. You are an amazingly strong woman.<P>I am praying for you, your babies, your H, belld, her H---oh just everyone. We are all feeling devastated right now and need God's healing presence. <P>Please God, place Your hand upon us and let no evil near us.<BR>Let us feel Your calming presence and hear what it is You would have us do. <P>--Marsha<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

Oh (((Orchid))),<BR>I am so sorry for what your husband is doing to you and your family - this perpetual d-day is such a cruel thing to put you through.<BR>Please remember how strong you are Orchid...it's still in you...it still shows - even in your last post.<BR>You have what it takes to figure this out - and you will...just give yourself some time to breathe first.<BR>Listen to what the folks here are telling you...it's the same advice you would give to someone else in your shoes, isn't it?<BR>Take some time to let your anger and disappointment settle...no matter what terms you set for your husband before he moved back in, it's ok to let the dust settle before you take action.<BR>It's also ok to change your mind Orchid...especially if you see hope.<BR>He's beginning to understand the damage he's done - it is possible that last night was enough to clear his head - he may have fallen far enough that the fog will start to lift...really lift, now.<BR>You will know in your heart what is right for you and your family...just give yourself some time to sort it all out.<BR>We'll all be here for you while you do...and whatever you decide, we'll support you through it.<BR>Serenity, courage, and wisdom to you.<BR>God Bless.<BR>-SD

Hi Orchid,<P>I feel sorry for what happened to you. I would like to say something because you have helped me in the past. But I don't have great advice. You are a very good lady. Too good to be treated this way. <P>I have many Oriental friends. One lady is married to a similar husband to yours. The husband had an affair for many years with another lady. The wife just put up with it because of children. The husband always said he was just confused and couldn't make up his mind between the wife and the other woman. He spent most time with the other woman but felt guilty because of the children. He said if there were no children he would have left a long time ago. The wife depends on the husband's money because she does not work. He gives some to her only if she begs for it. But he tells her he owes her nothing. The Other Woman calls her (the wife) up and tells her he is an evil *****. She tells the wife to keep away from this man (My friend's husband). She said the man only loves her and not his wife. It seems he tells different stories to his wife and to the other woman. When he is with each one he talks about how bad the other person is. The wife gave up a successful career in order to raise the children that this man said he wanted. The man wanted the children as a way to keep his wife tied down. He was a very jealous man and was constantly worried his wife would have an affair. This is because he had many affairs in the past and therefore he thought everyone else was doing this too.<P>But he does not really want to be with either woman but somehow now feels stuck between the two. The wife is very good, prettier and a very noble outstanding person but is digusted with the husband and doesn't feel like being romantic with him anymore (after he did this). The other woman is a zero in most departments but she is willing to have sex with the husband so that keeps them together. But he really does not like to be married to either of them but he does not have a third woman option at the moment and he does feel some guilt because of the children. <P>So this reminded me of your case Orchid. The lady has told her husband many times to just go and live with the other woman. She knows the other woman is no good and feels this would be the very best punishment for her husband. Sometimes the best punishment is to get exactly what you think you want. In many cases if the WS married the OP then their life would be a disaster. They would suddenly wake up and see what life is all about. Fantasy and real life are usually different. <P>If a woman is financially or emotionally or because of children dependent on her husband then it is a very difficult situation. People who do these things are not logical. Their emotional side controls their brain. This is the fog. Some kind of reality is required to snap them out of it. But it is hard for your husband and for you to really get back loving feelings. The longer this drags on the more impossible it gets. <P>I think I would just be cool, show no emoition. Just live your life without your husband even though he is in the same house. Perhaps something can still be built up. Maybe the other woman will get to him sometime. Encourage your husband to go and live with the other woman whenever the topic comes up but not in an elaborate discussion. Just have a lack of interest. You now have to think about your baby and your other children. They are the most important. Why should they all suffer? Your husband can go and fine himself some help if he figures he needs help. You have done what you can. There has to be an end. Maybe someday your husband will come to his senses and grow up. Some never do. <P>The other woman is mentally insane. Don't try to make any sense out of her. Your husband doesn't seem to like either of you 100%. I think he is like my friend's husband. Forget thinking and logic, there is no logic in these affair situations. Just plan for your new baby now without your husband. If he hangs around fine but he has to not increase your workload. You have enough to do. You want a healthy baby. Stress will not help you or the baby.

Orchid,<BR>I am so sorry for what you are going through!! I can't imagine your H staying very long with psycho OW, but maybe that is what he needs - a huge dose of her and a wake up call! You don't deserve this! Stay strong - he will regret it, but I think you need to stay firm... <BR>You have been so supportive here - hope we can give you the support you now need-<BR>hugs,<BR>S

Orchid...do something for me, will you? Put your left hand on your right shoulder and you right hand on your left shoulder.....now squeeze real tight....that's a hug from me because I can't be there but I've been there and I know how it feels.<P>This is a tightrope we walk and we never know when we're going to fall off....but you're lucky you have a safety net of many people here at MB to help you when you fall.<P>The beginning of recovery can be a perilous time...and unless the Ws is completely committed to restoring the marriage there will be setbacks....so you can recoup and start again...maybe back to Plan B again....or you can end it all here...with a divorce. But I think even with the best of intentions, some WS still are so wrapped up in OP that disentangling themselves takes more then they can do right then....but given enough time (and manipulation by OP) and reality time with OP...even they eventually come around. <P>Your WS sounds like he is sincere in wanting to end this thing and get his life back....the time was just not right...and in the midst of pressure from you and the family he comes back....but he's not through with OW and he reverts to secret phone calls and meetings....until D day again.<P>This is why I decided long ago that this would be his decision entirely....the decision to end it would come when he was ready...to me it's the only way. I just don't want to be part of the game while he's deciding. So make your plans like you are moving on...keep a piece of love in your heart for him...but make him understand that for you enough is enough...and see if that doesn't bring an end to the OW.<P>Tomorrow I promise you will be better... <P><BR>Faye<BR>

During my (A)<BR>(---------------<BR>I tried so hard, to get so far with (OW) I too had to fall a long way to get back to reality. In spite of all the times I fought with her, in spite of the way she controlled me at times. I kept a lot inside. It all fell apart in the end. It all unravelled with us. I had to fall to lose it all. <P>I put my trust in (OW) I pushed as far as I could go too. I fell a long way, and I tried not to... I got this far, and I tried so hard to get there.<BR>-----------------)<P>After the (A)<P>Things aren't the way they were before, she didn't even know me. It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind.<P>In the end? It doesn't even matter. It's gone, a thing of the past. Time to work on my marriage. Time to rebuild the love, and trust I once had. Time to see things from a new perspective.<P>-----------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 14, 2001).]