Naaah, don't contact her. She deserves way less attention than she has been getting from you. Please don't let her take up any more space in your head than you absolutely must.<P>Your husband's health is in God's hands. He has the final say. Hopefully your husband will make the choices that lead to the path of life and blessings.<P>Your son will be just fine. Don't worry your pretty little head. God's peace belongs to us even in the middle of life's storms. Be still and know...

Oh (((((((((Orchid)))))))))))<P>Hon, I am just finished reading through this thread - I rarely come over here to GQ. I had NO idea this was going on.<P>I am truly flabbergasted. Your story sounds like some crazy movie, but how could anyone ever think up a story like this one???<P>I don't know what to say other than to offer my prayers and hugs.<P>(((((Orchid)))))<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Hi,<P>Yep, this is like a crazy rated N for nuts kind of movie. Oh, it gets better. After 2 days of post poned arraignments, I get told that now the arraignment is tomorrow. I just got a call that H is out and looking for his truck. His BIL told him where his truck is. Then he asked for his clothes. BIL couldn't answer that one. <P>I have not received any contact from H. Actually according to the restraining order, he is not suppose to. I am a bit scared. I need to find out if OW bailed out H or H used his paycheck (that was suppose to go to bills) to bail himself out. Hm..... don't know. Either way I think I am screwed again. I fronted money that H was suppose to pay for and now our current bills are late. YUCK!!!! <P>So if he bailed before the arraignment, do I go to it tomorrow? My boss will be mad that I am taking off of work again. Stuck in the middle and hating it. <P>L.<P>

Why on EARTH would you do anything further to assist him?<P>He got himself in trouble, let him or his OW get him out of trouble. <P>You go to work and don't put anymore of the welfare of yourself and your son at risk.<P>(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Dear Bramble Rose, <P>You are my medicine at the right time. Please don't leave my side...... I am soo upset and confused. Don't let the fog roll in on me. <P>I need to get H's paycheck deposited in our account so that the taxes and auto payments (for both vehicles) can be made. This is because I fronted the day care and insurance monies for him and he is still having to play catchup from the rest of what he owes me. I believe he is angry enough not to give me any money, I am not sure. I that is true, I am stuck again having to start from scratch and now will have to face the creditors. I am also against a deadline to refinance my auto from a lease to a auto loan, I need that approved before he goes and declares bankruptcy. See what this A/fog stuff does? Sure wish the law would consider this a prosecutable felony!!!!<P>L.<BR>

Orchid,<P>Hang in there. Yep, let him figure this out on his own. And you take care of yourself and your son.<P><BR>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Orchid,<P>I wish that I had extra money to give you because I would send it via Western Union. You've been through a lot and unfortunately it looks like there will be more. Take a long soak in the tub and don't worry about your H., he's a grown man and he can take care of himself. It's hard to let them be out there, but right now you need to make yourself no. 1. There ar some credit agencies that will help you minimize your payments. They go in and put all your bills together and take care of it for you, best it's free for you. I have worked with a few during the course of my business, but I don't know where to tell you to go. I hope things get a little better for you. My aunt told me that while she was going through her H. living with OW, she went out and bought a ton of plates, cups, etc. at a thrift store and then took them and threw them as hard as she could. Try it, I've heard it helps .

Now WHY would you pay for HIS car if he isn't going to give you any money?<P>Pay for YOUR vehicle, and the things you need to keep you and your son safe - let him take care of his stuff.<P>Ok, so your credit may take a hit. Worse things have happened. Myvesta.org might be able to help you too.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

This great community property state and the fact that I co-signed H's loan puts me right in the firing range when it comes to him defaulting. I have been informed that I will be help liable for his missed payments. We are already in a debit management plan. <P>I need to see where he is standing right now. I know where he is lieing right now. I just found out this morning that the DA's office, dropped the charges and he was able to walk out last night. He called BIL and got his truck. He is at OW's house right now. <P>Well, I had to see that. Now getting the D seems to be the only way to go. Filing for bankruptcy is also being forced upon me. As a result, I am looking at having to give up our home and move in with someone until I can get all these debits behind me. Probably 2 - 3 years. YUCK. I have never been dependent on anyone like this and this just sucks!<P>While my world may not be a total negative, there isn't a whole lot of positive things happening right now. <P>Well, if this is where H will send us, then he truly does not need his family. I need to go. <P>L.<BR>

Orchid no words right now, just this...<P><B>(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ORCHID)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))</B><P>I am thinking of you and praying A LOT for you and your little one. Hang in there my dear friend.<P>Take care of YOU!

<<<<<<<ORCHID>><P>This man truly does not deserve you. I am SO sorry for everything you are going through. <P>Yes, unfortunately, you need to find out what is going on as awful as that may be. As for the D, I don't know, it seems to me like you have done everything you can to save your marriage, but if you feel you can give a little more, hold off and wait for him to file.<P>I hate dealing with creditors. Make the most important payments first, and when the creditors call just tell them your H left you for another woman, he has left you will all the bills and you are doing your best to try and catch up. Is there anything they can do for you because you are trying as hard as you can not to declare bankruptcy.<P>Yes, your credit will suffer. I pray you get your loan financed before all this happens. Keep us updated.<P>LOL,<BR>HbH

Thanks everyone again for your unflinching support. It is important to give comfort and speak the truth so that progress can be made. I got a bit stubborn yesterday and did not really want to hear about moving on. I received these great posts and a couple of you out there took much time to pound back some sense into this 'ol heart of mine. <P>H was released without bail, charges were dropped. I believe OW picked him up and he got his truck. I checked and he was at OW's home yesterday morning. I fought the desire to confront H & OW. I instead sent H an e-mail. Our e-mails crossed and his that he typed first just briefly said he thought the restraining order was lifted (it was not), that he deposited the check (need to verify), he was not angry at me for him being arrested and I could call his cell today if I wanted. <P>My supporters last night pounded into me the need NOT to call H today. I already knew that but needed to hear it. I am still weak but gaining strength. Reading his e-mail and hearing his voice much less seeing him must make those 'chemicals' Z spoke of go nuts. I need to concentrate. Please help me on that. <P>My e-mail did request a meeting to take care of financial matters via a 3rd party. I am not sure if he will do this, but extending the restraining order for now is dependent on his attitude. <P>Thanks,<BR>L.<BR>

I hope that your H. does help you get things settled with the bills. You will be ok. If you get the urge to call him, then look yourself in the mirror and say, "I will be ok, regardless and I don't NEED anyone to make me happy". You can do it!! Take your kids and paint pictures or play do something, to keep your mind off calling him. If he deposited his check, then don't worry about the bills for a minute. I wish there were something more I could do, but for now I send my prayers. ((((Orchid)))). Don't let yourself believe that you can't do it without him. You've got a lot of people behind you, just remember that.

<<<ORCHID>>><P>We are here. Keep posting. I am glad others were able to help you out and get you through the tough times.<P>Do you have any type of plan, or are you just basically winging it for now? I know it is tough. I am sorry for all the pain your H is putting you through.<P>You can do it!! I know you can. You are one of the strongest people I have met here at MB. I don't know how you do it sometimes. LOL.<P>HbH

Orchid,<P>If you really truly are going to file for bankruptcy, then don't pay for his car. Take care of the things that YOU need, leave the rest. Let your bankruptcy attorney handle it. <P>At the very least, this probably calls for plan B, whether you decide to D or not. You might want to just let him cool his heels with the reality of the OW for a bit. <P>I know you have an attorney - time to give him a call and find out legally which is the best way to protect yourself.<P>((((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry you are going through this.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Thank you all for your boost of support. Just wanted to clarify, my posts and my grumblings about lack of finances are in no way a plea for money from anyone but H. Charity begins in the home. I think H did not get that lesson taught to him. <P>Ready to ride?!?!? The roller coaster is about to take off. Well, there is no record of H's deposit. Hm.... think he might have deposited it in his other wife's account? You never know where the fog can take you. <P>Ok, back to the same ol same ol stuff. More fog head. Sending H an e-mail to inform him of the disappearance of his mysterious deposit. <P>Boy, it is a good thing I got paid today. Why do we always have to be the one with the good attitude, sticktuitiveness and over solid rock for the family? Maybe because we could not live with ourselves if we even thought of doing what the do out there in the fog? <P>New bumper sticker: CRAZY OM on the LOOSE!!!! <BR> PSYCO OW following close behind!! <BR> <P>Breathe and be sane. It's just another day and I am not in paradise. <P>L.<P><BR>PS: The lawyer requires a 2500 retainers fee. So much for using him now. <P>

What you are going through is unbelievable! In all honesty, if I were to read this thread not knowing about MB and your situation, I'd think it was a bad joke or something. I really don't know what else to say. <P>I don't have any advice for you, just BIG HUGS!!<P>(((((((((( ORCHID )))))))))))<P>Karen<BR>