well another day has past. I left work early to change the breaks on the van so it would pass inspection. I spent the entire afternoon at the house. After changing the breaks me and my youngest daughter played. My Wife started painting the front door to a new color? I would guess that she is planning on us getting back together. Why else would she be changing the color???? She knows that if we divorce that we will have to sell the house, due to we live way in the country and she wont stay out there. But I went along with it and did no LB.. We looked at the map together planning our vacation. We planned on leaving a day early so that we can take our time and take a different route. ( I have always been the one that sets the time when to leave and usually drive from point A to point B.) I think that this really superised her.<BR> She cooked super and we all ate together. While she was cooking I gave her a hug from behind and kissed her on her neck. She said that If I don't quite that she was going to hurt me.( In a joking manner) and she did some karate act. Joking around and we both laughed. <BR>After supper we all played monoply untill I told her that I need to be leaving. So we all put our money and land in 4 seperate stacks to continue the game later. I gave my kids a hug and a kiss and told them that I would se them on Thursday, As I have my counceling meeting tomorrow, and my oldest said why not tomorrow?? which I think also shocked my wife I said, "that will be up to you mommy" <BR>Before I left I gave my wife a hug and kissed her on the head and told her that I love her. and asked her if she will join me tomorrow at the counceling session. She asked what time I told her and she said I'll think about it. So I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying.<P>I know that I shouldn't be thinking this way but I think that she is just trying to see how long I can hold off without asking to come home. When I leave it seems that it is no big deal to her. That is just the way that I feel. Is this normal or am I just thinking the worse?<P>Thanks<BR>MarkC

OH MarkC,<BR>That's so wonderful that your wife is considering going with you to counseling! I hope she agrees to go with you! I'll be in prayer re: the outcome. Things come up that we don't like to hear sometimes. You guys might go and find out that you can work things out on your own. This site, for example, is an excellent tool... <P>I think you said the right thing to your daughter about leaving it up to her mom whether or not you see them! Wow, that was a very good answer.<P>I'm so proud of you. I don't think you should ask to come home, just wait to be invited back home because then you will be wanted back for sure. In the meantime, God will provide for you financially. I'm praying for you. You are doing so well because I know you are restraining yourself bigtime. Please stay in restraint mode, IMO, it's for the best right now.<P>Hang in there! Be strong in the Lord. He is with you.

BTDT,<P>I am doing everything possible to try and not ask to move back. I want to be with them so badly though. It is a strugle for me to leave when I am out there. I am hopeing that after the Vacation together it will change her mind and we will be able to be together again. You know when you are in this kinda of situation your mind sure does some weird thinking. Thanks for responded and giving me Inspiration that I am doing the right things. Well I guess I will see if she shows up today.<P>Thanks again,<P>God Bless<P>MarkC

I'm praying that she would be filled with the knowledge of God's will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding and that HE would help her realize what a blessing it is to have a WS who <P>1. acknowledges their mistake <P>2. is NOT still in love with the OW and going around all depressed and lovesick preoccupied with their own shallow pain!! <P>3. wants to go to counseling and get help for recovery <P>I'm impressed with you. Faith is alive in the present tense only. Forget the past, don't wander out into the future. Just believe God to get you through each moment. Live in the NOW. (Now faith is...)

well she didn't show for counceling and I guess I got my hopes up for nothing. My Councelor said that things were looking good but to be patient. I try but it is so hard, I want to be with her so bad and fulfill her EN and prove to her that I want and can be the husband that she wants me to be.I was hopeing and praying that she would show up today so we could start working on us. <BR>I did call her before I went to church and told her and the girls Goodnight and that I loved them. She sounded kind of down herself. My youngest daughter was in the background wanting me to come home. Man you talk about hurting. That really hurt me knowing that they are so close and I can't see them. I pray that I will see them tomorrow. I guess at this moment that is all I can do.<BR> I want so bad just to pack up my stuff and move back in but I know that if I do it will be a BIG LB and I don't want that to happen. I just hope that our vacation together will be great and I prove to her that I love her and we can make this into a family again..<P>Everyone I need your prayers tonight. I am feeling really down.<P>Thanks,<BR>MarkC

well she didn't show for counceling and I guess I got my hopes up for nothing. My Councelor said that things were looking good but to be patient. I try but it is so hard, I want to be with her so bad and fulfill her EN and prove to her that I want and can be the husband that she wants me to be.I was hopeing and praying that she would show up today so we could start working on us. <BR>I did call her before I went to church and told her and the girls Goodnight and that I loved them. She sounded kind of down herself. My youngest daughter was in the background wanting me to come home. Man you talk about hurting. That really hurt me knowing that they are so close and I can't see them. I pray that I will see them tomorrow. I guess at this moment that is all I can do.<BR> I want so bad just to pack up my stuff and move back in but I know that if I do it will be a BIG LB and I don't want that to happen. I just hope that our vacation together will be great and I prove to her that I love her and we can make this into a family again..<P>Everyone I need your prayers tonight. I am feeling really down.<P>Thanks,<BR>MarkC

well she didn't show for counceling and I guess I got my hopes up for nothing. My Councelor said that things were looking good but to be patient. I try but it is so hard, I want to be with her so bad and fulfill her EN and prove to her that I want and can be the husband that she wants me to be.I was hopeing and praying that she would show up today so we could start working on us. <BR>I did call her before I went to church and told her and the girls Goodnight and that I loved them. She sounded kind of down herself. My youngest daughter was in the background wanting me to come home. Man you talk about hurting. That really hurt me knowing that they are so close and I can't see them. I pray that I will see them tomorrow. I guess at this moment that is all I can do.<BR> I want so bad just to pack up my stuff and move back in but I know that if I do it will be a BIG LB and I don't want that to happen. I just hope that our vacation together will be great and I prove to her that I love her and we can make this into a family again..<P>Everyone I need your prayers tonight. I am feeling really down.<P>I have a question for the BS's<BR>Why is it that now when I do stuff for her she now thanks me? I mean I have always helped her before around the house and taking care of the kids and before I never received any thank yous... But now I get them all the time?? which really confuses me.<P>Thanks,<BR>MarkC

well she didn't show for counceling and I guess I got my hopes up for nothing. My Councelor said that things were looking good but to be patient. I try but it is so hard, I want to be with her so bad and fulfill her EN and prove to her that I want and can be the husband that she wants me to be.I was hopeing and praying that she would show up today so we could start working on us. <BR>I did call her before I went to church and told her and the girls Goodnight and that I loved them. She sounded kind of down herself. My youngest daughter was in the background wanting me to come home. Man you talk about hurting. That really hurt me knowing that they are so close and I can't see them. I pray that I will see them tomorrow. I guess at this moment that is all I can do.<BR> I want so bad just to pack up my stuff and move back in but I know that if I do it will be a BIG LB and I don't want that to happen. I just hope that our vacation together will be great and I prove to her that I love her and we can make this into a family again..<P>Everyone I need your prayers tonight. I am feeling really down.<P>I have a question for the BS's<BR>Why is it that now when I do stuff for her she now thanks me? I mean I have always helped her before around the house and taking care of the kids and before I never received any thank yous... But now I get them all the time?? which really confuses me.<P>Thanks,<BR>MarkC

<p>[This message has been edited by MarkC (edited July 12, 2001).]

Mark,<P>Perhaps she is saying thank you because she is realizing that she may have not been meeting all of your ENs. Did you leave the SAA book with her? Or maybe she just realized it on her own. <P>Or maybe she really is touched by the fact that you are helping when you could have just decided to leave the marriage. And she needs the help, let's fact it. So she's thankful that she has your help. <P>Z

Yes I left her the book, But I don't think that she has even picked it up yet. I have moved it several times to see if she moves it and it is always in the same place.<P>MarkC

MarkC,<BR>My prayers are with you. Everything will be fine. Quit moving the book, and besides, you don't know if she is flipping through it and leaving it exactly like you left it because she doesn't WANT you to know she is reading. Relax already! Keep going to counseling. TRUST GOD! He's getting you through this.<P>Maybe she felt that if she showed you more appreciation instead of taking you for granted, you may not have wandered off... (?) Just a thought?

Just got off the phone with her and she was in a bad mood. says that she didn't sleep lastnight, was up all night thinking about what she wants to do. She said that she was happy that I knew what I wanted. <BR>Then turns around and asks me to come out!!. I guess she is missing me but only wants me at times? I know that this is my fault that we are in this situation. But I don't know how much of this roller coaster I can take.<P>I love her and want her and I keep telling her that. But I can't keep living like this.....<P>MarkC <BR>

I think you are just feeling frustrated because things are not happening in the timeframe YOU believe they should be happening.<P>Pretend like you will never be welcomed back home? Then, how would you move forward with your life? Just imagine for a moment? What would you do right now if you never would be going back home?<P>I think you would find something more constructive to do with your time instead of constantly WORRYING!<P>Please calm yourself down. Worry is your enemy right now. I am sure that your wife knows that you are very sorry for the pain you have caused her so just keep telling her that. Sorry might mean more to her right now than constantly telling her you love her. You know this already, but love wouldn't do what you did. So, like zorweb has said, acknowledging the pain you caused and apologyzing for it over and over and over can make a difference. Just like you did when you had dinner with her and her family! Your behavior was so cool! Keep that up!

Ok This is the last time that I will be posting for a week or so. GOING ON VACATION with wife and kids. I need everyone to pray for US. I am going to do my best not to LB at all.<P>Talked with wife today and she seems excited to be going. she was in a Great Mood. Even though I didn't get to see her, But I heard her voice. Going out to the house tomorrow to work in the flower garden with her at her request. <P>I know that probably sounds silly to some, but it is good to me. As I get to spend time with her and our girls.<P>Well everone wish me luck and pray for us...<P>MarkC

Nope, does not sound silly to me at all. Sounds good! Have a great vacation and looking forward to a good report upon your return. Have fun, ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!!!

Have a great vacation Mark. Hope all goes well.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Hello all I'm back<P>Vacation was great we all had a wonderful time. Spent a couple days on the beach, being with my wounderful family. <BR>Everything went great no LB. <P>She did ask me to sign a letter that she drew up saying that this trip was not a reconcile.<P><BR>Now that we are back It it back to reality. I was able to stay for the weekend. Lastnight she ask me to leave again. We had a very very long talk. <BR>She said that she wants to work on us but still wants me to leave. I told her that we can't work on us if we are seperated. <P>But I told her that I will go if that is what she wants. <BR>She said that she wants to give us another try but doesn't know if she can forgive me after seeing me with another woman. Will this memory ever go away??<P>I have convienced her for us to go to counceling. I am praying this will help us. But I guess that depends alot on the councelor.<P>Thanks for listening<P>Mark <P> <BR>

Welcome back!<BR>Well, her ability to forget that video depends whether or not she chooses to nurse it and rehearse it, but rather dispurse it, so then God can reverse it...<P>It's going to be entirely up to her and in the meantime, yes, you have to tread water, walk on eggshells, and keep apologizing and running two households. Could you move with a relative for cheaper rent? Sorry, but at this point you can clearly understand how much easier it is for you to put the A out of your mind than it is for her.<P>Good luck with the counselor. Praying that you make great progress!

I guess I will be moving in with a friend untill.....I guess we decide where this is going to go. <P>She also told me that I was around to much the past month. So now I have a delima, Do I contunie to be at home when I can, or do I just kinda plan B and wait?? any thoughts???..<P>I did try some reality checks on her on the ride back. Asking her question about our daughter going to preschool and our oldest going to school. She said that she didn't know what she was going to do just yet. But I think that got her to thinking. Because she will have to start back to work, and I don't think that she is really wanting to. <BR>But then again that is where her MOTHER will probably start giving her money again, and not allowing US to resolve our problems..<P><BR>