"The sad part is, I don't know that I can forgive, but forgiving IS my goal!"<BR>Resilient , you are such a great person!!! <P>

More lines to ponder:<P>I didn't go looking for affairs, they just happened.<BR>I attract women with a high sex drive and they know I also have a high sex drive.<BR>We have never been compatible.(After 21 years, 4 kids, and an AF career)<BR>You have never shown me love.<BR>Scandavians are just not as sexual as an ethnic group--they are cold, emotionless (RIGHT)<BR>My sex drive is part of my genetic code.<BR>My temper is also part of my genetic code.<BR>My relationship with OW has nothing to do with us.<BR>In the long run, this is best for you and the kids.<BR>I just want you to be happy.<P>More will come I am sure...there has been a lot more.

Gosh ... thank you, VBO. Very kind words. <P>I don't know about being "Great", I think I'm a work in progress tho .... <P>Best,<BR>Jo

My all-time favorit:<P>"Maybe I was only with you because there was never anything better. Now I've found something better."

I put this somewhere else but i think it fits here too.<BR> <BR> "She reminded me of You"<P><BR>huh?........

LOTR:<P>zorweb and I are ROTFL ... What a compliment!<P>Have you seen a copy of Berlitz' Alien Moose Brain/English:English/Alien Moose Brain in any bookstores?<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

How about these:<P>[on D-Day]<BR>You should be happy that something wonderful has happened to me.<P>[After D-Day, reminiscing]<BR>You are my buddy...when we sat in that restaurant I wanted to tell you that something wonderful has happened to me, but I then realised you were completely the wrong person.<P><BR>Ugh

STL and Z <BR>havent seen that book lol.<P> however let me just say that the compliment (made a few days ago) is definately a FOG thing<BR>Ow has been with her H for like 10 years and has 3 kids but only 1 belongs to the H.<P>I am not like that just thought id point that out. <P>the only thing me and OW have in comon is we both love my H...

Oh, I want in on this thread! Get your emesis basins ready.<P><BR>QUOTES & AFFAIR LINES FROM MY ABUSIVE, ALCOHOLIC SPOUSE<BR>c.1999-2001<P>(in counselor's office)<BR>-I have bisexual tendencies.<P>(to me, later)<BR>-No, that doesn't mean I'm bisexual.<P>(much later)<BR>-There are needs you can't provide for me. That's nothing new.<P>-I cannot help you felt excluded in our marriage.<P>-You can't handle the truth. When it's not spoken, you call it omission of the truth [?] and you call that lying. You're impossible to read. <P>-You tell me I can't meet your marital needs. Well stop asking me to. I was trying to hang onto our friendship...you're impossible to live with.<P>-I'm not happy in our marriage. It's not you.<P>-I never felt I was what you needed.<P>-I have changed.<P>-I am the same man I've always been.<P>-I tried it your way the best I could...I can't go on like this.<P>-Our separation is not the end of life, and it may very well be for the better.<P>(extremely agitated, at a soccer game)<BR>-I can't talk to you. I don't even want to talk to you on the phone. You're just trying to draw me back.<P>-I'm going out with other people now and it feels good. No unrealistic expectations. Nobody getting hurt or worried about me...<P>(he doesn't know I know about tawdry affair from work)<BR>-After carefully looking at things from an emotional and intellectual standpoint, I don't think I can stay in this relationship.<P>-It's not YOUR fault.<P>-There is somebody out there for you better than I.<P>-I have gone on some outings or date with other woman. But nothing is going on at this time. [ohhhh...screwing is nothing]<P>-I don't want to tell you what you should do, but you should get out and be with some other people. [what? and reduce the guilt factor?]<P>(2000)<BR>-I'm ready to buy a second home. Wherever you want, you name it.<P>(2001)<BR>-There's no way I can affort mortgages on two homes.<P>-Take me as I am or you can drown.<P>-I can't go on living your insecurities.<P>-I can't go on filling your emotional ocean.<P>-You take me as I am with my flaws [questionable sexual orientation, work addiction, sexual addictions, serial adulterer] and vices [alcoholism, marijuana] or forget about it.<P>-You want purity, go marry a man of the cloth.<P>-I don't buy much of that psycho-babble bullchit [I'm bipolar] and I never will. As wrong as I may be, I'm confident in who I am and I believe in myself. [run that one by me again?]<P>-I'm not sure that I can accept you.<P>-You've grown so much since we first met.<P>-I will always love you for who you are and who you've been to me...I will always support your dream.<P><BR>This is a fraction of the verbage I collected over the years. Essentially, the quotes were taken from letters and notes he's written to me. Tell me this guy seems as whacked-out as I think he is.<P>To the Casbah,<BR>Nell<P>

Nell:<P>Excellent additions to the collection. Deep breath, okay, spell fog. F-O-G ... Never ceases to amaze me what can be said (with a straight face) when in that condition.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

ROFLMAO!!! And which F-O-G would that be, STL? The 3-D fog (deny, deflect, defend), or the man-do-I-have-an-itch fog?<P>LOLOLOL!!<BR>Nell

Just wanted to add one to the list:<P>my ws told me:<P>"I've felt more like ME since all this started than I have in a long long time."<P>Anyone heard that one before?<P>Ish

After reading this again, I thought of my favorite line. She told me after I got past the pain and hurt. That I would see, That I am better off with someone else. She acted like she did me a favor LOL. As time goes on I think maybe she did LOL.<P>

After D-Day Contradictions<P>1. I love you so much, I don't know why I f*!$d things up!<BR> <BR> I'm just not in love with you anymore.<P>2. Oh no! It's not your fault. It's all me!<P> But I felt so rejected by you.<P>3. Now I have probably lost you, the only woman I have ever<BR> loved, and my best friend.<P> You wouldn't listen to me, I couldn't talk to you anymore.<P>4. I think we both need some time and space so I am going to leave for a while. I don't know how I feel.<P> I couldn't stay away. I love you and need you.<P>5. I guess I am not much of a man.<P> I am finally becoming a man.<P>6. I refuse to act like my father.<P> I know I am acting like my father.<P>7. I don't know what a real man is.<P> I am finally becoming a man.<P>8. I don't know how I could have done it.<P> I know why I did it.<P>9. I don't feel much of anything anymore.<P> I hurt so bad and I love you.<P>10. I realized, fool, if I had just continued doing these things all along, none of this would have happened.<P> I was still doing them.<P>11. I know my depression made me become more distant.<P> I became more distant because you acted like you didn't care.<P>12. I know you tried to talk to me about it.<P> It was always preaching and lecturing.<P>13. I know I let you down.<P> You weren't there for me anymore.<P>14. I tried to tell you, you wouldn't listen or didn't care.<P> I know I have always had trouble communicating.<P>15. No, my ego had nothing to do with it.<P> Yes, I know it was a big ego boost.<P>16. Maybe it is partly a mid-life crisis thing.<P> No, I am not having a mid-life crisis.<P>17. I know I need help with my depression.<P> I can handle on my own.<P>18. Yes, I am committed to "us" and want to work together.<P> No, I won't see a counselor.<P> No, I won't even look at any EN or LB questionaires.<P> No, I don't want to "work" on anything, I just want us to relax and enjoy each other. (I asked how, he said "I don't know.")<P>19. Yes, I did some stupid things. (A, secrets, porn sites, lies) but...<P> I am a man and I will be treated like one!<P>20. I may have found a place to rent for a while. I am thinking about it.<P> (7 months later after I found out he had been renting the house all that time.) No, I did not lie to you, I did tell you I found a place and was thinking about it.<P>21. Oh, I might be able to do some work for him, we need the money, so he sent me his business card.<P> (Couple of days later when I found out it was his deposit refund check from the house he had been renting.) But I didn't lie about it, he did send me his business card.<P>22. I don't think we can afford it......You know we don't have the money......I need the teaching hours, we need the money......I am bothered by the fact our savings is not growing.....We need some extra money...... Damn it! It just seems every time we might get a little ahead, something goes wrong, something breaks.<P> Yes, I did rent the house. The shortest time they would do it was a 6 month lease. ($2400 down the drain that could have gone in savings!!!!)<P>23. I feel like such a failure.<P> I am finally confident in my ability. I know I am good at it. I am good at my job.<P> Sometimes I just can't do anything right. <P> I think I probably screwed up at work again. I am probably in trouble.<P>24. They don't like me,they are really your friends, they just let me hang around.<P> Yes, I do have friends.<P> No, I know they could care less about me really.<P> Yes, I know they are good friends.<P> No, I know people don't like me very much.<P> Yes, they seem to enjoy talking to me and they will talk to me about their problems.<P>And so on, and so on!<P>God give us strength.<P>AFL

okay, here are some more classics...<P>i can't help but hurt you, i'm not with you anymore<BR>you just don't understand, i'm in another relationship<BR>i can't take your feelings into consideration, you're not a part of my life<BR>i can't put my life on hold for you<BR>because of all these doubts i will never make the decision to come back<BR>you know when i look at you, all i see is just another woman, not my wife<BR>with you, i feel the need to look at other women. i don't feel that way with her, i'm satisfied.<P>then there are the lines i got when he started back peddling. i think i'll start another thread for that.

I recognize the insensitivity in so many of these lines, but what confounds me is the pure cruelty the WS's have had toward their mates. True, in detachment I see the rhetorical comedy, but I KNOW when those words were spit out, we BS's were left confused with hearts impaled by blatant thoughtlessness and disrespect. It is one thing for WS's to show complete, sincere remorse for past indiscretions, and yet quite another to continuously attempt to hornswoggle themselves and their spouses the very nature of their behaviors. You know, I can justify anything too, but that would just mean I'm not looking at the real source of the problem.<P>Lord, give me the responsible awareness I need to not repeat the errors of my past.<P>Amen,<BR>Nell<P>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck