Hello, Healing.<BR> A wonderful book I am reading (for the third time?) is Torn Asunder by Dave Carder...in it he talks about the amount of time it takes the BS to recover from an affair...basically he says that the time frame is the same length - just that the partners reach the peaks at different times.<BR> In essence, the WS begins the A (EA?) some length of time, - he calls it "growing mutual attraction" - and then it intensifies and becomes PA. The couple may try to break it off a couple of times (what he calls Intermittent Reinforcement (He also calls this Destabilization, "On Again, Off Again"). While we may think this would cause an end to the A, it actually serve to cement it somewhat. He also agrees with the MB policy that in order for the two infidels to remain away from each other at all, there must be a total and complete BREAK. The last stage is when the A is "Out of the Closet" and "Disclosure." The reason I'm telling you all this is because whatever that "time frame" is to get through all those stages, it is the SAME amount of time for the BS to get through the stages (yes, there are stages for us, too). UNfortunately, our time frames do not match, because BS's come to the beginning of their time frames much later than WS's, since we must discover, or be told of A before our time table begins. <BR> I hope this is making sense. It did to me....so if your WS is involved for about a year and a half, expect it to take you about a year and a half, FROM THE TIME YOU BEGIN TO HEAL before it is all the way worked through. This is barring any setbacks. <BR> I think, from an outsider's standpoint looking in, that you are doing a wonderful job....just hang in there!! Continue reading MB stuff, and any other good stuff that will help you both heal.<BR>Sorry this post is so long, I just felt it was important to explain that concept fully.<BR>Lupo

Lupo do not apologize for a long post, any help is wanted and appreciated. I will look for the book in the library this week and start reading it.<BR>Cleo thanks for the post you have been a constant presence from the beginning of all this. I have a question for you, do you ever get tired of trying to help or is it rewarding in and of itself. Thank you for your help and maybe one day I'll be at a point that I can really help others.<P>------------------<BR>HealingnNC<P><BR>Sometimes I think that I was meant to experience all the things that I have experienced in my life just so I could be ready to love and be loved.

If you are asking if I ever get tired of trying to help others here, the answer is no. When I started coming to this site, I was in the deepest darkest part of my life. Just reading what others were going through made me feel stronger and not so unique. I mean, there were other people with siuations so similar to mine that it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone. When I posted, I always got great responses. The fact that people came to read my thread and write such thoughtful and insightful responses really meant alot to me. I owe this place and the members here a great deal. I hope that I can pass on what I learned here and that others will benefit as I have. I hope that if I ever need help again that I will be able to get it here.<BR>I hope that was the answer to the question you were looking for. <P>Oh yeah, have you ever thought of talking to Steve or Jennifer Harley on your own? I talked to Steve once, my H was not willing. I found him to be very logical and helpful. He put things into prespective. I wonder if one or two sessions with him might help you get on the right track. Let me know what you think.<P>take care,<BR>cleo

Cleo I have considered setting up an appointment for a phone session but have never taken the steps to do this but maybe it is time. I will look into it and see how it goes<P>------------------<BR>HealingnNC<P><BR>Sometimes I think that I was meant to experience all the things that I have experienced in my life just so I could be ready to love and be loved.