I have been told that cyber-freinds are not real friends. I have been told that I take this "stuff" too seriously. I have been told that I need to "get a life" outside of this place -- it is, after all, only a web site.<P>Tell that to my heart which cried for <B>Tanya</B> last night. Or the time I worried and prayed about <B>soulloss</B> when she was bit by the dogs. Or the tears of pure joy I cried when I read that <B>PLEASE HELP</B> got his wife home. How about when I read that <B>K</B> hugged Noah one more time, and remember when <B>Glenn</B> died? He drove off a cliff... and some of us got little piggies in rememberance of the love that he and <B>Carol</B> shared...or... or... or... a million other things that I have laughed, cried, and prayed about. I do not want to single anymore out, because I would invariably leave someone out, and that is not my intnetion. Lord knows we've all felt WAY too much pain around here lately.<P>This place is REAL, as sure as the lines around my eyes... which mostly, have been earned by lots of smiling, despite my pain. <P>The people here are REAL, and they are my FRIENDS. <P>I respectfully ask that we remember this when the stragglers drop by who write (yes) hurtful posts, or someone new comes on and isn't sure exactly how to say what they feel, or someone says the wrong thing because they are in such pain... remember that there are faces behind those names on the board, and most likely, they are hurting. Not many **happily married** folks show up here, after all.<P>I wish everyone peace... and an extra dose of love today. One of our FRIENDS has died... and life is too short not to share the love we have.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited July 07, 2001).]

Amen, Sheryl. There is a face behind every name and we are real. Technology is just making it easier to communicate in many different ways. I'm sure something similar was said about the telephone which is what we connect with to get here in the first place.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

{{{{Nyneve}}}}<P>You are so right there are faces, and what I find wonderful about this cyber connection, is you may meet and talk to wonderful ppl you never would in real life. We also cannot judge others by how they look, would not know if they were disabled, or deaf, sure we have our little spats and I think it helps us grow more, but it is kind of a utopia. Right?<P>You can light a candle on your thread! <P>------------------<BR><I>Formerly known as Erebus</I>

Amen and very well stated, Sheryl.<P>I have made some very close, very special friends "on-line" over the past year and during my travels, I have even met a few of them so that I could truly put a face behind their names. Guess what? ALL of the faces belong to PEOPLE! Not ghosts and not just words on a screen........<P>A few years back, my own mother was going through a period of extreme loneliness and she spent countless hours on-line with her "friends." At that time, the whole concept confused me because I just couldn't understand how she could consider all of those "words" as friends. I think the turning point for me was when she hospitalized for a short time, she had me send a mass email out to her friends letting them know where she was and why she hadn't been on-line for a few days. I felt like an idiot! However, I checked her email for her the following day and to my amazement, there were many responses of well wishes, warm thoughts, support, prayers and even love. The same day, there were even some flowers delivered to the hospital from one of these "faceless" friends. I was truly touched.<P>My mom is now engaged to one of her faceless friends, my sister married her "on-line" love and I am involved with a woman I met on-line as well! Maybe it just runs in my family?<P>I think the misconception in people’s mind is that cyber-chat is reserved for cyber-sex and fantasy, not reality. While I will agree that this is an issue on certain sites or chat-rooms, it is not the same as when your are involved in a cyber-support group. The thoughts, feelings, stories and emotions shared on this site are pure and are intended for one’s healing.<P>If memory serves me correctly, during times of war, soldiers often became involved with "pen-pals", persons from across the glode whom they may never have met, but became a major source of strength and inspiration as a result of their words. Now maybe the method has changed, or evolved, but why should the on-line friendships of today be considered any different? <BR> <p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited July 07, 2001).]

Sheryl-<P>You are so right. I used to be one of the "other ones": skeptical of online relationships of any kind. I started here last spring/summer the day my ex left. Every day during summer school break, before school, and after, I would come on here just to keep my sanity. I didn't have a computer at home, didn't have an outside email address, didn't know what a chat room was, nor did I even know there was such a thing as IM!! I had no clue. I never put my name out here because I thought this was separate from my social circle and only thought of myself as "gsd." I would never actually MEET you guys or laugh with you, right? I thought people who made "friends" out in cyber space were social outcasts, foolish trusting people, criminals, or just odd. (yea, I know. Ream me out!) Learning just came slow to me. <P>I have never met such a diverse group of suppportive, funny, silly, scared, wise, and honest people and am thankful for it. I have developed a few "real-life" friendships from these boards, some closer than others, and know that most people who come here are genuine and true as my friend down the street. I will never again underestimate the reality of this new "world." <P>(And by the way, my name is Cheryl.)<BR>

I love you Sheryl

Nyneve--<P>Amen. Without the support, encouragement and kicks in the pants by so many...<P>I would also like to add that not everybody who posts here shares our opinions...but we do not have to treat them harshly...we can state our opinions and knowledge without hurting...we can do so with out enabling them or hurting them....<P>It is easy to forget, since we don't see faces, and these seem to be just words in cyperspace, but we are all people and words written down last longer than words spoken....<P>Hugs and prayers,<P>Cali

Thank you all for validating what I already knew in my heart!!!<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>This place is REAL, as sure as the lines around my eyes... which mostly, have been earned by lots of smiling, despite my pain. <P>The people here are REAL, and they are my FRIENDS.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>AMEN!<BR><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

I love this place too! And, it is much safer than a divorce support group! And, you can access it anytime day and night!<P>I appreciate all the help and advice I have received here. Sometimes, I spend way too much time here but that's probably because I really need the support at those times.<P>Take care everyone!<P>Jen

Sheryl,<P>So true..I've been told many times that these people aren't<BR>"REAL" yet..if they aren't "real" then how do so many "emotional affairs" get started from meeting online in chat rooms? <P>It's just sad that so many are here for the same reasons..all hurting..all in pain..all looking for something<BR>that is missing in their relationships and trying to fix whatever it is and make it better..I too hurt for those I read about..and laugh at some of the things ppl say..<BR>and they are my friends also..and we all share that bond..<P>

Ditto to all. I get the same thing, people don't understand, my H says I am "addicted to that thing". <P>You guys are my lifeline all too often. LOL.<P>Kim<BR>(HbH)

Dear Sheryl and gang,<P>You are so right. We are all persons within our own rights with feelings, personalities, character pluses and flaws, you name it we have it. <P>It is funny that my H was very apprehensive about the info I receive here. He thought that maybe someone was playing a 'trick' on us about Tanya. I told him no, that would be too cruel. Tanya was a real person. I did not actually speak to her but she lived in our area. After we got home, he read her sister's thread. He felt bad for saying those things and could see the real bond that we daily feel here. <P>No, this communication tool is not like those sites that promote the breakup of families in the name of selfish desires. Just as the phone can be used for good and bad, so can the internet. While we do need to watch how we associate here, for the most part it has helped many. <P>You all here have personally helped me in ways that no on else has. I am finding it hard to explain this to my H since communication and meeting my needs is difficult for him. He communicates better with total strangers than his family. This is his personal issue and knows he has to overcome it. I can help but so must he. <P>I have only been here since Jan 01, yet I feel like I have know many of you for a long time. We have all gone through so much together. The camaaderie here is real. Sometimes overwhelming. More than most of us expect. In turn, we learn to share even while suffering and this helps. Yes, Jesus' words "there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving", rings true here. <P>Thanks for this thread and thought Sheryl. I appreciate you bringing a bit of sunshine into our lives today to remind us that all it not lost in the fog of despair but to look for the good in ourselves and others in an effort to overcome all the bad that is out there in the world. <P>Today you have made me !<P>Mahalo,<BR>L.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 07, 2001).]

OK, I'll be the odd man out over here. I believe that everyone here is real but no matter how often I come here can I really say that I could call anyone here a true freind? The answer would be no. I consider a friend as someone who knows so much about me and vise versa and the truth is no one here really knows much about me at all. I have seen that some people here have developed a type of friendship with others and also see that these are little cliques and others are at times made to feel unwelcomed, not so blantenly (sp??) but it comes across. I don't come here because my marriage is in trouble, truth is I have an extremely happy healthy marriage and maybe that makes my opinions less since people tend to think I can't possibly understand, but I did have a very unhealthy bad marriage in the past so I can acrtually relate to some things, well, really alot of things. The fact that I'm so straight forward and not much for pu**yfooting around my responses has made me rather unpopular with a few and has left me to be somewhat attacked by others. So, I've also come to realize that when people post here they don't always really want to hear what you think, and I believe a friend would only ask and accept what you have to say.<BR>I'm not saying I'm so cold blooded witch who doesn't care, I do care. I feel bad when others are having a hard time, when I see some get there hopes up just to be shattered, I understand the hurt and would never wish an unhappy relationship on anyone.<BR>Well, I think I've rambled enough and sorry my views differ so much from everyone else, just my opinion so don't go bashing it!

<B>Sheryl</B><P>Hi sweetie. Well, you know me all too well and how real this place and the people are to me. It was a life line to me, a place to find some semblance of sanity, a place to cry, to share joy, to vent, even to laugh and a place I ended up making the very best friends of my life. The ones that didn't let me down when I needed someone to "touch." Touching is not only a physical need, it's a need we have on a spiritual level and this place has helped touch my spirit immensely.<P>Without a doubt it would be heaven on earth if I could actually meet and physically "touch" every single person on this site I have come to know and care about. If I don't get to actually meet anyone or everyone here on earth, I have the wonderful knowledge of knowing someday I will meet them in the heavenly kingdom of God. <P>There are faces behind each user name and story to say the least. We are all people with tenacity, courage, having the strength to grow and change. We are all here to do the right thing, the noble thing and the hard thing. Our roads are not easy but they are uniquely "our" roads. Our paths have linked or intersected with each other here at this site.<P>People who have not been through this devastation <B>and</B> have not been to this site can't understand. They simply can't. I for one along with lighting my candle am going to pray that they never ever need to come here and see how "real" this site and people are. The rest of the prayer is of course for each and every single person on this site to achieve the highest level of personal growth and healing and for ultimate happiness and peace to come into their lives.<P><B>I love you Sheryl! You're absolutely superb! </B><P>Oh I almost forgot something. Would you please write me <B>Sheryl</B>? I have something I need to discuss with you, besides just wanting to touch a closer base with you. (forgot my addy, geeze!) Samantha7x70@aol.com <P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited July 07, 2001).]

Well, hello from rainy ~~it figures! ~~ ~~ Ontario, Canada!<P>I have to leave for the day... but wanted to check back in one last time with you all.<P><B>professorg/Rob, SuzzieQ, Jayhawk 93,gsd/Cheryl, soulloss, Cali, GeezLouise, 711/Jen, ThornedRose, hurtbyhubby/Kim, Orchid</B> and <B>A blessed Samantha</B>:<P>Thank you for bringing some joy to me today. For some reason (some I know, like about Tanya, and some I can't quite put my finger on, but still that touch of pain, nonetheless), it's a rough one...<P>...and <B>Shedawg</B>, your post only proves that you have a different kind of mindset than some of us... no harm in that, is there? Your opinion is ALWAYS welcome with me!<P>I'll see you all tomorrow, and back home for good (thank Goodness) on Monday.<P>Love to all, and GREAT BIG HUGS,<P>Sheryl<P><B>Sam</B>, I'll get an email out right now...<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited July 07, 2001).]

YES!<BR>There is a face behind this name. And a sincere one, too. Keep the faith!

Shedawg--<P>Not going to bash your opinions. I don't come around this board much, so I don't know most here. I stick to the D/D lately. <P>You get out of something what you put into it. You are right when you say that friends are friends because they know you. You say no one knows much about you at all. Well, as in any context, if someone can't know you, they can't even start to be your friend. I didn't have any friends here, by your definition, until about 8 months ago. That was when I reached out. And even now, I do not participate in the joke threads or the trips, and just recently started receiving an occasional email from off the forum! No one is going to bonk you over the head with a frying pan and say "Be my friend." Some come for building closer relationships, some don't. They take what works for them. <P>And as for people not telling people what they want to hear. I can't tell you the number of times I have been told something that doesn't make me feel good or affirm what I would like to be the truth. Those kicks in the pants, delved out properly, are enough to wake the dead sometimes.<P>Jayhawk--<BR>Great point about the soldiers in the war! I never thought of it that way. <P>One more thing.....<BR>I visited a discussion board for addictions recently, and while there was amazing information and support, there were also VICIOUS threads going around that would put anything we have ever had to shame. I was shocked as were those I shared it with. I am thankful we have such (for the most part)welcoming and caring boards. <BR>

Well, I look at this differently.<P>There are many things I can reveal here that I can't elsewhere to my friends. The anonymity of the site means that I can share things I can't (or won't) share in real life.<P>But that's why I'm here, to get help from people who don't know me, won't judge me, and are going the same place I am

As JayHawk said the idea of pen-pals is not a new one. Yes, soldiers have used the written word to communicate and get support throughout history. There have also been some great friendships and love stories that have developed through letters. I do not recall the names right now, but somewhere in my garage I have an old book of letters from some of these relationships. It is a very inspiring book. The use of the Internet has only served to open the written word to more people on a more real-time basis.<P>Even in “real life”, friends do not know everything there is to know about us. In MB we show each other the parts of ourselves that relate to the topic at hand. It’s a very rich window into who each of us are.<P>Today we see many affairs started over the Internet. I believe the reason this happens is that people are not ready for the impact an Internet relationship can have. They feel it is “safe” because the person is not physically there. But what they fail to realize is that the person is there in heart and soul. This is the much more real part of us then our physical body. You get to know the person from the inside out. Hence, the unwary are sucked into a rich relationship; often unlike any they have had before, where the physical is stripped away.<P>This works well only if the people involved are being up front and real. It is very easy to be deceptive for a time over the Internet. But for this forum, if someone is on here lying about whom they are and their situation it is really of no true harm. There are many people here. Most of us read threads from many people, so the occasional person who may be putting on a farce is of minimal impact. And who would really want to keep up that kind of farce for an extended period of time on this forum? What would be the gain?<P>Our friends here on MB are real, as real as it gets. Just because we do not sit on my porch and talk does not mean that my participation in this forum is not real. I do know that the people on this forum have impacted my life in many real ways. They have given me more quality support then the “real” people in my life. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare