Hi Cali. This is beautiful. You have grown so much over the past few months. It is wonderful to see and read about. Someday your H will notice...<P>Hugz,<BR>HbH

For some reason this post was on my mind...so I went and dug it up .<P>Hmmm...<P>You know after reading <I>The Four Agreements</I> and <I>The Mastery of Love </I>, I believe it even more strongly...<P>If you want change...it has to begin with you...you can't change people to get a different result...your problems will still be there...<P>Something brought my H and I together...something had us marry....I have to believe it was God...<P>Now we are in the biggest 'test' of our lives. <P>Should people stay married or get divorced? I say...dig deep...make necessary changes in yourself...GET REALLY REAL...BE RADICALLY HONEST...<P>and ya know what...it is with yourself that this matters most...and with your God...<P>Hiding from yourself and God is impossible and will only cause you pain...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Wow, what a wonderful thread! Thanks for digging it up!<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Hi Cali,<BR>...Yet the term unconditional love needs to be clarified so that there is no misunderstanding... </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>So then let's take a look at what CONDITIONAL love is:<P>Conditional love says, "I love you IF..."<P>So I guess loving God IS conditional. He says, "IF you love Me, you will obey Me and keep my commandments..." He also says that if we sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness...<P>Unconditional love says, "I love you BECAUSE..." (Because of WHO YOU ARE not what you do or have done...) That's how God loves and because of His love inside of us, we can love as He loves...<P>Trust, on the other hand, must be earned. Trust is something someone gets after they have proven they deserve it. And not until they have proven themselves over a long, long, long period! YEARS!<P>Forgiveness is another ballgame. Well, sorta... Forgiveness isn't forgiveness if it has to be earned.

That was so beautiful Cali, I felt like I was reading about myself, That really hit home. Love Sally

Cali, <BR>Amazing...thought provoking!<BR>As a WS and now BS, I am hearing your words and wishing so much that this could permeate through some of the fear and anger that my W is feeling right now. Of course I can't preach any of it, but I love that you are able to put into words things that so many of us here feel. Some of this is really practically preached in a book called Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil McGraw, the guy who is on Oprah sometimes. It focuses not on our spouses, but focuses on us. Getting passed depression, anger, resentment for yourself. Changes must start with you and then can change in your life. <P>You are a talented writer, thank you so much for your post.<P>

Hi JustPlainCali<BR>Thought your post was great. I have also gotten the tape of "Rekindle the Fire" by the same author as "The Way of Agape" and will probably get that one too. <BR>Through these readings, I have decided not to be a victim anymore and take charge with myself more, although I don't know how it will go--I am afeared me thinks.<BR> I also have been very angry over the last 19 years of our marriage, but not willing to give it up. The WTC disaster also brings to mind to let us make our priorities in life and live them. My H has always been the first one to say "I'm sorry" in a fight. I appreciate that so much in him. I realize what I have in him and have always loved him despite everything. When I first found out about the A I told him I forgave him and would be there for him and we would work this out. I told him this has been a heads up for me and I was so sorry for my part in driving him away. I have struggled to identify my own faults and work on improvement in those areas too. I still am confused at times though. Our counselor suggested "Caring Enough to Forgive" which I will pick up on Monday, along with "Surviving an Affair". I have been reading "The Power of a Praying Wife" also. I am also keeping to the parable in the Bible where Jesus tells of the woman who was persisting in a request from a judge and Jesus said because of her persistence the judge would rule in her favor and how much more would God the Father pay attention to us if we continue to ask for those things that we know would be in HIS will. So I took those verses to heart and will continually pray for our relationship. I'm glad I have a heavenly Father to whom I can go. My faith is my major positive trait, (the only one I could list for the counselor besides loyalty).<BR>Thank you for your post.<BR>Mikkey