tomake a long story short. Found out H had an affair and was not using protection. So we went and got tested and i got the results. I am now HIV positive. I am devasted and scared. We informed her, and she told H that she knew she was, she just did not feel the need to tell him. If he was not going to be responsible then she did not either. So, now what do I do?? I need help please.<BR><P>------------------<BR>how do you get up and move on, when noone sees you fall?

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine what you are going through. <BR>Find support through your physician and any local AIDS chapter. Many many people are living healthy, dynamic lives and have been HIV positive for years. I personally know quite a few folks who are HIV positive and they control it with diet, exercise, medication, nutritional supplements.<BR>Get spiritual support as well. Keep posting at this site. You have been through a lot and have a lot more to go through. The challenge of recovery is difficult enough, but the fact that his A has infected you both is tramautic to say the least. Are you in counselling with your H?<BR>God Bless you, hugs and strength to you.

My H is not here at the moment, the pain of what it has all done to us hit him hard, and he took off for a few days. I am in counseling for other issues. She KNEW and had no regard to our lives, for that matter neither did he. Why do some people think they are invincible? I need to go i am really upset and have no idea what to do. I feel worthless and filthy.<P>------------------<BR>how do you get up and move on, when noone sees you fall?

YOU did not do this, you are NOT worthless and definitely NOT filthy. You did not deserve this at all and you have every right to be angry as hell. <BR>Please find support through your physician, counselor, pastor, friends, family, and HERE!<P>Seek support of others who are HIV positive. NOW!<P>Hugs to you.

ICTOAN,<P>OMG, I do not even know what to say to you. You, nor any other person, deserve this. Your unfortunate story proves a point that most of the BS's (betrayed spouses) on this board bring up. Our WS (wayward spouses) expose us to health risks that we did not have a choice in. I know that some people will say that “using protection” mitigates this risk. Sorry, this is hogwash; the HIV virus can pass through condoms. So there is no such thing as “safe sex”. <P>Are you aware that there is a legal precedence where you can take legal and crime action against this woman? She has committed a crime by not telling your husband up front about the risk he was taking. In some jurisdictions, the precedence has been set that her crime is attempted murder at this point. Please discuss this with an attorney to find out your options. But I feel it is very important that you pursue this to prevent her from doing it again. <P>How long have you know that you are HIV positive? Have you contacted the local HIV support organization, they will be able to give you support and advice. <P>There are a lot of very good people on this board who will be more then willing to extent a supporting hand to you. Please keep posting here and let us know how you are doing.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

i_cannot_think_of_a_name,<P>RE: I need to go i am really upset and have no idea what to do. <P>Please do not go. We are here for you. Use the support being offered to get through this. <P>RE: I feel worthless and filthy.<P>You are not worthless and filthy. You have had a terrible thing done to you. <P>I can however understand your feelings. In 1986 if found out that I had Tuberculosis (TB). Many people today may not be aware to the horror of this disease. It infects not your one’s lungs but the entire body. Apparently it can infect even one’s bones. I was diagnosed with renal TB. Which means it was in my digestive and reproductive track. We believe that I contract it from eating milk products in a part of Europe that does not pasteurize its milk. I was not aware that I had the disease when I got pregnant. As a result of the disease I gave birth to still born twins. In my case I was lucky because though it killed by twins, the complicated pregnancy let to the disease being discovered and my being treated. According to the Merck Manual and other medical sources, by the time a person starts having symptoms from their TB, they have six months to live. I was lucky because today there is medication to cure, or at least put this disease in remission. Most people today do not remember the horror of TB. My paternal Grandmother died from it and one of her sons spent his teen years in a sanitarium trying to recover/heal from it. Uncle Donny survived with no medication, as it was not available at the time.<P>Because of my family’s history with TB I was very aware of the devastation of the disease. When I was diagnosed I had a reaction similar to the one you speak of… I felt worthless and filthy. I was ashamed and I have not idea why because I did not get the disease through risky behavior. I felt guilty because I felt that I had killed my babies. These types of irrational feelings are normal when a person contracts a terrible disease. I think that contagious diseases make us feel dirty. Remember the “unclean” in past history – the lepers who were “unclean” so separated from society?<P>It will take you time to put this terrible travesty into perspective. Be kind with yourself. <P><BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Z <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

ICTOAN:<P>You are a victim, plain and simple. Not only of an affair, but of a horrible assault against your life.<P>What you are expressing is a typical victim's response: shame, guilt, anguish and a feeling of self-worthlessness.<P>Realize that you are not worthless and not filthy.<P>Also realize that there are a lot of resources available to you: HIV organizations, church groups, mental health, and places like Marriage Builders. Get the help you need and do it now. We are here to help insofar and insomuch as we can. Lots of good folks here to help with their perspectives based on their experiences.<P>To quote Ethan Allen: We must all hang together, or assuredly we will hang separately.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

ICTOAN--<P>I cannot imagine what you are going through with this discovery...but know that there are many people on these boards who will uplift and support you.<P>You are not alone. Keep posting. Find support for yourself.<P>Take Z's suggestion and look into legal ramifications for what the OW has done...<P>Above all know that this is NOT your fault...Please do not feel dirty...worthless...<P>You are one of God's children...ever valuable...<P>Cali

You are not alone as long as you are here. Please seek medical and legal advice. <P>We are here for you.<P>WAT

I am speechless. I am dumbfounded. I am touched.<P>Tell me you're not alone with this revelation. Your husband left you for a few days? Did he test positive as well?<P>Obviously, you're not alone here. Keep in touch and you'll get a world of support.<P>Blessings,<BR>Nell <P>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck

Hi ICTOAN,<P>You have the right to be devasted and scared. This type of news would do that to anyone. Please stay here with us. We will provide the support we can to help you through your situation. Along with that you do need to work with your doctors and authorities. <P>I have heard of cases like this before. A friends cousin did a one night stand and woke up to that info of being exposed to HIV written in red lipstick on the hotel mirror. <P>There are many cruel people like that out in the world. OW may have done it in a way to get back for her getting the disease. That is another reason why all of us must be constantly tested after there has been an A. <P>Our advisor (an elder) told us that when my H had sex with OW and other women then came home and had sex with me, that 1. He made me exposed to all the sexual diseases and sex that all the men those women had sex with and<BR>2. He has had sex with those woman, those men and all those women those men had sex with. <P>See the exposure? The burden on you now is to educate yourself. There is a lot out there to be learned and discarded. Start now and focus as much as you can on learning how to care for yourself. Learn about your rights and enforce them. <P>Yes, it is easy for us to say and hard to do. I know that but you need to try. Crying, venting, being angry and frustrated is ok. You can use us here for that. While we are not professional counselors, we are a support group. So we may have our limits of assistance but for many here the support has been of great assistance to get us from one step to another. <P>Please take care,<BR>L.<BR>

ictoan:<P>Welcome to this board. Use us. That's what we're here for.<P>I won't repeat what the others have said as they share my exact sentiments. You're getting good advice from people who know what they are talking about.<P>My heart is with you. Remain strong and embrace life. We will be here when you need us, and even when you don't!<P>zen

ICTOAN,<P>I am so sorry for what is happening to you! Please listen to everyone here. You are not worthless or filthy! You do not deserve this! Please remain on the board. It is amazing how nice and supportive the people can be here. <P>As always, Zorweb is absolutely right! You should seek legal advice against this woman. She should be punished for what she has done to YOU and not be allowed to do this to anyone else.<P>Take care and stay with us. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. <P>(((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))<P>God bless,<BR>Window

I just told my parents, and i cannot handle the crying. They want to take our son and raise him now. My husband is gone but will be back.I am worried about him too. I do not have the energy to look for the legal aspects right now. I want to crawl up and die. I am sending our son to my family for a little while until i can get my bearrings. Pray for me and my family, I know my husband sinned, but we truly do not deserve this.<BR><P>------------------<BR>how do you get up and move on, when noone sees you fall?

You are in my prayers. I'm so grieved for you. You are a precious and beloved child of God, who will never leave or forsake you.<P>(((ICNTOAN)))<P>SBH

You and your family (grandparents included) have our hugs, support and prayers. <P>Try this: Put your left hand on your right shoulder and your right hand on your left shoulder. Squeeze both shoulders. <<<< that is a cyber hug from us>>>>><P>L.<BR>

i_cannot_think_of_a_name<P>My poor dear. I am so sad for you.<P>Listen, with proper medical care and proper management you will more then likely lead a healthy, productive live for years. Do not give up now. It's good that your parents can watch your son for a while so you can get your bearings. But you will be able to raise him so do not give up hope.<P>As for pursuing the legal aspects of this crime, why not discuss it with your parents. They may be glad to do the leg work for you. It will give them a way to feel that they are doing something important for you. I feel that this is important because there is no telling how many people this woman is going to infect before she is stopped.<P>How long have you known of your diagnosis?<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I am SO SO sorry for your situation. I know legally prosecuting her won't make it go away but it WILL stop her from doing the same thing to someone else. As a MP and Criminal Justice student, I DO know that she can be prosecuted for attempted murder. I don't know what state you are in and I know you are very distraught, but when you feel up to it, you can go to the police, explain the situation, and they can investigate and find out when SHE was informed that she was HIV positive. If it was before or during the time she was with your H, she CAN be prosecuted and sent to prison. She had the legal obligation to inform ANY sexual partners that she was HIV positive and the fact that she did not and allowed unprotected sex is a felony.

ICTOAN<P>I, too ams soo sorry for you and your family.<P>Although we all are not at the same place here emotinally and physically, as you can see by the posts you have received so far you have come to a place where people care about each other.<P>Please talk to a health professional asap. Ins tead of torturing yourself with thoughts about what *might* happen find out what the truth is.<P>Keep posting here...you will receive insight and encouragment and hope....<P>Good Luck <P>E

Oh, I am so, so sorry for what you are going thru. Reading this has given me goose bumps & brought tears to my eyes. Please take everyone's advise and do not stop posting or reading here. It really is a wonderful site full of support and friends. Please know that you are not alone.