Oh my gosh, I am so very, very sorry. How are you? I am glad your sister is coming to get you. <P>Please let us know, when you can, how you and your family are. {{{{{{ICTOAN}}}}}}

ICTOAN...<P>OMG, I been gone for the weekend and just read this all. I am so sorry for your discovery and your loss. Listen to the advice being given to you here. We care about those that come here for comfort and support, and you have some wonderful knowledge and experience here. <P>I cannot offer you any advice, except be strong for yourself and your son. You have many good years ahead of you with all the help out there now! Take care of you!!<P>Trueheart

<BR>I am so so sorry for you and your family. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers .... <BR> <BR> Lu<P>

Dear ICTOAN,<P>What devasting news. My deepest sorrow for having all of this thrown on you and your family. Please ICTOAN, for now and for this moment know that we here are all here to support you as we can. While we can not take away the pain or reverse what has been done, we can help you to move forward. As before our strength and support is here. <P>If you have the need to speak to us, just let us know. Jennifer and Steve can also be available via the phone counseling sessions. <P>Can someone please make sure the moderators see this post?<P>Thanks,<BR>L.<BR>

You are in my prayers. Please know God loves you and will get you through this. Cling to Him!!!!!

First, please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your H. He must have been very tormented... how sad, and what a terrible, terrible way to "take care of" the situation.<P>I don't know how you tell your son... I don't suppose anyone who hasn't been in this situation would have the first idea what to tell you about that. My natural father died (a kind of suicide - long story - huge family secret) and my mother told me when I was six... no matter how you tell that kind of news it won't be received well... I would suggest telling age-appropriate truth though.<P>I will be praying for you and your son.

ICTOAN, There's really nothing I can add to what's already been said, but I wanted to add my thoughts and prayers to the ones you've already received here.<P>I worked as a nurse on an AIDS unit some years ago and K is right. HIV is no longer a death sentence. It is a manageable disease. When you have the strength, please get yourself to a doctor and take care of yourself, for your son's sake, your parents' sake, and for yourself. <P>You have suffered an indescribable amount of pain in a very short time. Something good has to come of this in the future. I believe that you will emerge a stronger, more loving woman and mother. Please remember that God is with you.

ICTOAN, <P>I am so sorry! Words cannot express how sorry and concerned we all are for you! <P>Just a tidbit about telling your son. . . My older brother killed himself when I was 4 almost 5. All I was told was that he had gone to Heaven to be with God. When I was 9 my sister finally told me how he died. It may be too hard for your son to process how it happened right now. It's enough that his Dad is gone. IMHO.<P>I have been praying for you. I pray that your faith in God will help you through this. Take care of yourself. <P>God bless you and your family,<BR>Window<BR>

I am just so sorry for all your loss, you did not deserve all this nor did your family. Now please feel free to come and post here, we will all be here for you as a place to vent, if there is any way I can help I will. scaredinny@hotmail.com . God bless you during this difficult time.<P>{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}<P>

ICTOAN,<P>My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your H, Hon. I am so very sorry for all the pain you have been afflicted with. It seems too much for one person to bear in a lifetime, let a lone such a short period of time.<P>God bless you and keep you close.<P>I pray for your strength. I pray that your sister is keeping you safe and has wisdom in helping you through your grief. <P>When you are next able to read these postings, if ever, I'm sure that some time will have gone by. So may I make a suggestion here, now? <P> Please get yourself a counselor or group to help deal with all this pain--there are some wonderfully empathetic ones that deal with grief, being tested positive for AIDS, even survivors of suicides. Perhaps your sister can help find these numbers for you to call since I'm sure you're not going to be in a frame of mind to have the energy to do so for a while....<P>Sweetheart, I wish for you to have no more pain for you and your son. Please try to keep yourself whole and well--for yourself and for your son. <P>With love to you and your family,<P>L

i_cannot_think_of_a_name:<P>Please accept my deepest condolences for you and your son. I can offer nothing that others much closer to you haven't said but you will be in my prayers tonight.<P>God Bless You and Your Son,<P>JL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by i_cannot_think_of_a_name:<BR><B>Thank God my son is not here. I will be going to my family today, my sister is coming to get me. thankyou for all your support. Sorry i am just really numb, and in shock. How do i tell our son? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm so sorry for your terrible tragedy, ICTOAN. With so much hitting you at once, it will be hard to find the energy for your son, but it should be your top priority. To answer your specific question, please take advantage of the time you have to get some professional counseling on how to speak with your son. And, as K suggested, seek some medical help for you during this difficult time. You need to be strong for your son.<P>You are in my prayers.<BR>

I've been wanting to reply to this thread, but trying to figure out what I could say that would be best, aside from the (((((((((( ICTOAN )))))))))). (those are hugs).<P>I'm not sure any of us can relate to your story on here, certainly not in the case of a shooting (to my knowledge anyways).<P>The best I can do is to tell you that I can feel and empathize in your shock right now. In September 2000, our almost 4 yr old son died suddenly in his sleep (we don't know why... the autopsy was inconclusive, and the toxicology negative). In the end of January 2001, my H told me he wanted out of our marriage, within 2 months he was actively having sexual relations with 2 women (that's the only confirmed number as far as intercourse goes). He and I were also intimate during that time. I later found out that OW#2 had been exposed to herpes, and I immediately got tested for std's. Although my blood work came back okay, there's always that scare that it won't the next time I get it done. And I've had some abnormal pap smears (which will require me to have a colposcopy done at the end of August). In that time frame, I have also had twin boys (they were born by emergency c-section after my blood pressure elevated enough to get me admitted into hospital on bedrest in mid february), and I'm pregnant yet again (however, I believe I am in the process of miscarrying).<P>I'm not trying to put my problems on you, not in any way. But what I found comforting (and still do) during my healing process, is knowing that others are out there that are dealing with a lot as well. That is my intent for you, hoping that you can find comfort in knowing that you are not the only one who is in such pain.<P>I hope that you are able to find comfort in your family, friends, and/or religion soon. And I hope they realize how much you need them (even if you feel you do not).<P>You have a long healing process ahead of you. All I can say is that it will get better, eventually. Unfortunately there is no way to speed it up (believe me, I tried!). Just remember, you can't get over grief until you've gone through it first. (those words helped me more than I can put into words).<P>Karen<BR>

You have been through more than any of us could imagine in such a short time - please take care of yourself. Get some help from your Doctor and support from your family. You will also get lots of help from the wonderful people at this site.<BR>Know that my prayers are with you and everyone on this site is capable of sending positive, supportive, energy your direction.<P>Medical intervention early in diagnosis of being HIV positive will be to your advantage. Amidst all the strife, anger, pain and devastation you are going through, please take the time to see your Doctor in order to take care of YOU!<p>[This message has been edited by Alberta (edited July 16, 2001).]

I'm so sorry for your loss <P>Please take care of yourself - let your family love and support you, and seek medical attention for depression if you need it!!!! <P>There are no words for your tragedy, but I know if you take things one step at a time, you will come through this and be there for your son!

cntoan...what a nightmare. I, too, have been away from the board for awhile. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through. Finding out about an affair and the lost of trust is so terribly desvestating. Most of of worried about STD's (even though my H swore that he used condoms) but I feared he wasn't being honest about the number of times or if they got all caught up in the passion of the moment and "forgot" to use them once! I did have my self tested and I was sweating it. To be HIV positive has to be the worst nightmare possible come true. Then, as though dispare couldn't go deep enough, your very, very sad loss of your husband. None of our words can express how sad we all are to hear that so much has happened to you. I know when I lost my parents seven weeks apart, God gave me that peace that passes understanding...I was the type who was angry with God and didn't even ask for it...felt like He had turned his back on me. But, inspite of myself, he gave me peace. I don't know how or why, because my attitude was so rotten, I definately didn't deserve it. My hope and prayer for you is that somehow, God will find you in the midst of this anguish and wrap you up in His arms even as you feel that you are miles away from HIM. I guess what I am saying is that even when we are very upset with God...just as we get upset with parents, friends, or anyone else...God seems to understand and is not offended by honest emotions. He is a loving father and sometimes, He will stand back and let us throw our tantrums before he takes us into his arms. So, be real...be strong for your son...but, do allow yourself to feel your emotions...the full gambit...because, God does understand. Just as we as parents understood our two year old for being so frustrated that they could not control themselves...we just stepped aside and let them "rip"....think how much more understanding of our frustration God is. He will give you strength and He will also let you "feel"...to heal, you have to have both. Don't neglect your illness in the storm of all this grief. Stress is not good for you...although, it's hard to avoid. But, that is also the VERY time that you need to be under a doctor's care. Please don't tarry about that. Once again...don't be afraid to ask for help in any form...family, friends, doctors, support groups..live and on line. This may sound trite right now...but, you are a very special person with a special purpose. Remember all of the special people in the Bible and all they had to go through to be the vessel of God's favor. He is proving you with fire because YOU are a rare gem. My heart goes out to you and your son and you will be in both my prayers and in my chanting.

I am so very sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do to help.<P>terri

I am so sorry. I will hold you in prayer. <P>I too had a devastating shock - four months after my discovery of my husband's involvement with another woman, my teenage son (previous marriage) was arrested for armed robbery. He was convicted - pleaded guilty - and sentenced to 24 years in prison. It's like a death.<P>So, we're here for you.<P>Love<BR>Suzanne

ICTOAN,<P>I am beside myself in grief for you. I'm praying for you and your family and sweet son. Please give this to God, he is Lord and can help you.<P>Jo

ICTON,<P>Oh, dear heart, I cried when I read your words, "what did I do to deserve this?" Please understand that you didn't do anything to deserve this. It was done to you. You do not deserve it. I can hardly imagine your pain. All I can do is pray for you, which I will, and hope that you will understand that even though this is a great evil, you are, with God's help far more than what has happened to you, and far stronger than what has happened.<P>For now, let your grandparents care for your child for a while. Not permanently, but just to give you some time. seek the medical attention you need - attend to these practical matters. Being HIV positive, does not necessarily mean you will develop AIDS. At least that's my understanding. That's why you need to get medical advice and in short order.<P>I should apologize for what I wrote in this spot originally. I had missed one of the pages as I was reading through the tread. I am sorry that your husband added this horrible tragety onto what was already more than anyone should have to bear. I am sorry for your loss and sorry for your pain, and sorry he has put himself where he cannot help you and you cannot work through the hurt he has done. I will pray for you and for your husband's soul.<P>I'm betting that you are a very good teacher. And maybe one day, you will be able to help save some of your students from the nightmare you are going through. <P>I wish I could help you more,<P>Ish<p>[This message has been edited by Ishmael (edited July 17, 2001).]