Please, for your son's safety, if not your own - call the police, get a restraining order, change the locks on your doors. Call your husband's therapist and tell him/her why you are doing what you are doing. Your husband needs help. You may have to shock him into getting that help. Take care of yourself.<P>------------------<BR>When we walk to the edge of all the light we have, and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen - there will be something there for us to stand on, or God will teach us how to fly.

<"Why have things changed? Looking at reality. When I posted Monday night, I didn't realize how much danger could really exist. You guys have shown me that. "><P>OK, so you would protect you and your son unless you think there is real danger. I don't think I'm following you.<P><BR><"I am afraid; afraid of making the wrong move; afraid of saying the wrong thing; afraid of what he might do if there is a next time."><P>And this is making you afraid to get the damage documented and get help and protection. If you are afraid of him and of next time, that is exactly why you need to do something. You are giving him the control. Look around your house and tell me why he is rational enough right now to have contol over you?<P><"My H has a shrink for other reasons - this is the first time anything similar to this has happened. He's thrown things on a rare occasion, but never anything of mine, and never anything as substantial as a coffee table before. And I do plan to get sentimental stuff out of the house very soon."><P>This I am very glad to hear, doesn't make it better though.<P><"I don't want to ruin my H's reputation, especially since he owns his own business. No, that's not the whole reason, but it's part of it. Also, I don't want him to commit suicide. I dealt with the suicide of a family member several years ago, I don't know that I could deal with it again. I realize this probably clouds my judgment, but it's part of my history."><P>So did I. My cousin committed suicide at the age of 22. He did not go around threatening that if someone did something that he would do it though. People that talk about it are looking for attention or control. The ones that do it, don't talk about it. You H is not likely to do it, he is trying to contol you into not calling the police because he KNOWS he did something that you should call for and he could get in trouble for. It's control only if you let it stop you though, and since it is he's not likely to let up on it until he thinks enough time has passed he has gotten away with it.<P><"H says he's going to see his shrink. I've told H to has to tell shrink everything that happened here this weekend. He asked "what if I forget something?" I told him I'd make a list for him. H asked if I wanted to go with him. I said no, but maybe I should. I told him at least six weeks ago that he needed to see his shrink, and tell him what he was feeling (back then worthless, suicidal, etc.), and when he talked to his shrink, the shrink just told him we needed marriage counseling. Obviously, he didn't tell the shrink everything he was thinking - probably just that I said he needed to see the shrink."><P>Glad he's going, I hope they do get him help.<P><"And, H called at 6:15 this morning. Realized the bag was gone. Was upset, but not angry. I told him I just wanted to see my stuff, and see if anything could be salvaged. He's afraid I'll use the stuff as evidence against him, and asked me to throw it away. "><P>See what I mean? He's trying to make sre you don't call the police, this is control and mind games because he knows what he did, and he knows what he is doing.<P><"He is beginning to realize, I think, how bad the things that he did are, so maybe he really will get help. And isn't that the goal? For him to realize what he's done and get help? Do I have to get the police and/or a lawyer involved?"><P>He realizes it alright. Do you have to get them involved? Well, if you were talking to a kid who had just gotten sexually abused and didn't want to tell because the offender had him convinced that it would be his fault if he got caught and thrown in jail and he would kill himself, what would you tell the kid to do?<P>

I'm probably not doing the right thing, but since H is considerably calm at this point in time, is out of the house, and has already scheduled an appt with his shrink, I am not calling the police. I am, however, doing everything I can to protect my son, myself, and my sentimental belongings - just in case.<P>Now that I know what I know - thanks to all of you - I will not hesitate to call 9-1-1 if he becomes at all irrational or even comes to the house uninvited in a foul mood. I wish I knew then what I know now - I would have called the police then. (The results of his rampage are pretty much cleaned up, and there wouldn't be much for the police to see if they did come.) Having never been in such a situation before, I didn't know what to do, and nobody I talked to knew what to do, either. <P>I guess for now I'm playing it by ear - but a lot more wisely.