Posted on Preg/Child by Sunshine:<P>Ohbratti1, <BR>Unfortunately, I'm in a situation very similar to the one you explain. The only difference is that I'm on the other side of it. My BF got his ex-wife and I pregnant within 2 months of each other. Now he has a 7 1/2 month old and a 5 month old. I'm in the same position that your BF is in. I don't know how I can accept a child that is a constant reminder of his unfaithfulness to me. Your BF might view Jonas as a reminder of the time in his life that you chose to be with someone else instead of him. I wish I could tell you that there was something you could say or do that would give your BF reassurance. All I know is that there is nothing my BF can say or do that will take away how he feels in his own heart. He has chosen to have a minimal relationship with the OC (he only sees her when picking up or dropping off his other daughter) but he recently told me through tears that he feels guilty and would like to spend more time with her. I wish I could tell him that I was ok with that. It eats me alive to know that his loyalties will now be divided between our child and the child he had as a result of cheating on me. But I also know that if he doesn't follow his heart, he will always blame me in the longrun. There are no guarantees, but maybe if you let him go and do whatever it is that he feels he needs to do, he'll come back. He will miss you and Jonas enough to realize that it's an obstacle he CAN and WILL overcome. On your part, sometimes the least said is the easiest mended. <P>The OM had left his W several times before we met. He left her in Aug. filed for D, went back in Nov., we met in Jan., he moved out in April, got her pregnant in May, I got pregnant in June, his D was final in July. While I was pregnant, he left me in Nov. until Jan. because of the guilt that we both had because I was still married. During that time, he went back to his ex in an effort to try to make things work. His daughter with XW was born in Dec. OM realized I was who he truly wanted and he came back to me in Jan. <BR>

Honey,<P>I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but you MM did not cheat on you with his wife. He cheated with you. His relationship with his wife was the legitemate one. Yours was not.<P>And how on earth can you possibly be so inhumane to his daughter? She is a child, innocent in all of this. He is treating the baby girl differently then he is treating his older daughter to make you happy? How can you ask this of a father? <P>Wake up, you have a husband who loves you. I have no idea why he loves you but he does. From what you have told us, your OM is half out the door already.<P>I feel very badly for your husband and your baby. They deserve so much more then you are giving them.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

WAT:<BR>What is with this "mothership" and "Dennis Rodman" sh*t anyway?<BR>Don't you have anything more intelligent to say? <BR>

Why do I get the feeling that reality check is another WS/OP in here that changed his/her name? From the things he/she is saying, it is obvious that A are condoned, and encouraged if *they are right*?? If you cannot be respectful of those in here RC, maybe it YOU that should be finding a way to speak intelligently?

Sunshine,<P>Can't you see that this OMs pattern is not one which is likely to result in a lifetime of happiness for you? The one that is there for you is your H. Eventually, when the fog clears, you'll regret leaving your H.<P>realitycheck,<P>If you read enought posts on here, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, and assuming that you could notice that WAT provides invaluable advice to so many on this forum, is an individual who is as respected as anyone can be, and also has a sense of humor that helps countless numbers of people smile when it might seem that they have nothing to smile about. So why would you waste time making comments like you just did?

I am of a different opinion that you should leave your husband and move in with the OM. The reason being that both of you deserve each other. The other reason being that the betrayed spouses would get rid of marriage partners that are loosers. Who says Jerry Springer shows aren't true.

Have you guys noticed that she isn't returning? This happens a LOT... to often... <P>Ever heard of [censored] disturbers? I'm wondering... why would someone come here, read what MB is about, and post anyway? Either they want help, or they don't. <P>I don't get it.

Maybe it's entertainment for some people. "Let's get them flaming on MB." Some sport.

Z,<P>May be... I think it's sad... if anyone spent any length of time here, they'd see that everyone here has been, or is, in desperate pain.<P>Even people like me, who is no particular pain at the moment... 2 years ago... oh my God, I was hurting so bad...<P>I don't like mean people.

Just like the license plate bracket....<P><BR>MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!<P>

Guys .. actually I believe Sunshine had a misguided impression we would support her A. If you go read under Preg/Child on Ohbratti1's post, you'll see that she most likely misunderstood the content of the inital post and began posting her story for support.<P>So I'm thinking after she received a few "Work On Your Marriage" responses, she realized she would not get the validation she was seeking, hence no Sunshine thread responses.<P>Jo<P>

Hi Jo,<P>Hey, no offense... seriously... but how would she get that idea at a place called MARRIAGE BUILDERS. <P>I do hope she comes back... if this is real... sheesh... anymore, I can't tell... I really just want to reach out and help, and I shouldn't take everything so seriously I guess... but.. but... <P>Oh, never mind.

Hey Nyneve <P>No worries, sweetie. No offense taken.<P>All I can say in response regarding WHY she thought that is ....<P><BR>FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG FOG

Hello all. I normally post on the Preg/Child, and want to thank you all for also shooing her off. I read her initial post on our board and asked a couple questions. She did respond the one time to tell me she had posted here. Of course, I came over to see what else she had to say. I was sort of in her shoes, as I had an A which resulted in me getting pregnant. MAJOR diff. I stayed in my marriage, am working things together with my H and OM is nowhere close to being in the picture. <P>I also want to thank resiliant for copying the post over on P/C. I've been on the boards for almost a year, and still am not sure how to do that. I started a different thread from OB1's because OB1 had a very good question, and is one of the few OW who are accepted, because she wants to help, and gives us a different point of view. I didn't want to have the others get off of OB1's needs to bash this other OW. I think it is great when all the boards help eachother out when things like this happen.<P>Tigger4JDT

I finally have to add my 2 cents.<P>I read Sunshine's post over and over and over. Each time I was in disbelief...<P>I was at a loss for words...and y'all know that's hard for me...to be out of words .<P>So up went a prayer that Sunshine would find a place to help her...that God would send someone or something to get her thinking...maybe it will be one of us...<P>Prayers, <BR>Cali

I haven't returned not because I didn't want to but because I have a life away from the computer. I do appreciate all of the posts, tho not many have been very supportive. Please don't assume you know my situation simply because you read a few paragraphs that I typed. <P>Whether or not I choose to work on my marriage, I obviously came to MB because of the name it holds. MARRIAGE BUILDERS. It's plain and simple. I did not come here for people to tell me they condone my actions. I came here because I was hurting and at the end of my rope. I didn't anticipate the hurt that would follow as I read the judgements people made after not even knowing my situation. I expected words of encouragement from people who have been where I am and survived. I know it's not too late for me if taken under someone's wing. My H doesn't WANT to work on my marriage anymore. Why would he? Are you the kind of people who beat dead horses? I've never admitted that what I've done has been right. I'm my own sorst critic. Please don't feel the need to do that for me.<BR><P>------------------<BR>

Alrighty then. Tell us what marriage you are working on.

As I said before, ALL are WELCOME here... when they are working on their marriages, or working on getting out of someone else's marriage.<P>You said: "Whether or not I choose to work on my marriage, I obviously came to MB because of the name it holds. MARRIAGE BUILDERS."<P>My question is: Have you decided to work on your marriage? <BR>Was posting here going to help you decide? There are terrific tools here, as I listed in the Welcome Letter on the first page. Have you read the links?<P>We're a family here, many of us have been here for years. We hate to see so many newcomers (because that means marriages are breaking up or hurting) but all are welcome. <P>You are surprised that we want you to work on your marriage and dump the OM? That's what this site is ABOUT. <P>Please stay and work on your marriage...

Not that I am one to make a habit of pointing out discrepancies but how come her post on the preg board implied that the OM had only two kids, yet she said in the post at the beginning of the thread that he had 3?<P>There was someone on the Key Bridge board awhile back that kept appearing with different user names and stories, many of them dealing with OC's - perhaps she has struck over here.

Sunshine,<P>In your posts you stated you were "RESOLVED" to leave your H for the XMM and that would not change. I feel if you've changed your mind and decided you want your marriage afterall, that you may have a good chance of salvaging it, but you would have to end all contact with your XMM before any recovery of the marriage could begin.<P>Your H sounds like a good man, strike that, a wonderful man. He must love you more than he loves himself to accept and raise, as his own, your child. I hope you see you're blessed by this.<P>We here at MB can help you. You need to read and understand the basic MB concepts. The post Nyneve gave you will get you there. <P>If you decide that it's your marriage you want, we can help. <P>Jo