I'm praying. Please try to calm down. Go and find something to read. GO to the bookstore and get Dobson's book. I think it will make you feel better. I read it the DAY after my H confessed - and I felt armed and confident.<P>I have to go to a meeting, but i just wanted to check in and say hi, and hang on. It will be OK! THis does not mean the end of anything. SHe is just still waffling - the Fog man, the Fog! Hang in there. Have faith. THink about your good memories and commitements to God. You didn't just do them for HER. Think about them. Believe her good intentions and good feelings for you. SHe is just on the fence. Be thankful she is still expressing good feelings toward you. see ya' later<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

I already made up my mind to go get Dobson's book tonight. But first thing I am going to do is call my brother and spill my guts. He is very trustworthy and won't tell my parents or anyone else. He is also very spiritual and has an awesome walk with God. (He is a youth pastor) On top of it all, he is my best friend in the whole world. We were inseperable as kids, and stayed extremely close all the way through college. I need a shoulder right now. Real bad. I've got a ton of work to do to occupy me for the next three hours, and then I am going home.<P>I truly don't believe that she has good feelings towards me at all. She has just become an expert actress. There is no way she could tell me she feels close to God last night, and sleep with me, and then wake up and go see this [censored] and sleep with him. No way. She isn't on the fence, she has fallen off and is hiding from me on the other side. <P>I'm not going to talk to her today. If she calls, I am not answering. I can't. I need time. I need God. Somehow I doubt she'll call, though.

I can't believe how at peace I feel. I really feel like I might be prepared to let go. Move on.<P>I dunno. Give me an hour and I'll be bawling like a little girl.

GodlyMan:<P>Give the MB office a call, and see if Steve would talk with you this afternoon or this evening on an emergency basis.<P>Make no decisions---and I'd continue to read SAA. I wouldn't bother with Dobson now---you're going to get conflicting messages from Dobson, and I think you're not really ready to do what he recommends (and I feel his approach is less successful than Harley's).<P>

I spoke with them earilier in the week and they wanted to schedule something for the week of Aug 5th and I said nevermind. You think they'll actually squeeze me in today??

(((Godly Man))) I had to stop calling my H altogether and let him call me. They are not in their right minds when they are doing this. My H spent Father's day (which was also our 16th wedding anniversary) with me and the kids. He gave me a dozen red roses. I gave him a beautiful photo album with our name on the front. It contained various photos from our whole lives together. He cried when he saw it. He called 3 times that afternoon to tell me how much it meant to him. That night, he went to OW's house and slept with her. Sometimes we can get through more than we think for the love of a spouse. Stop calling her. Then you won't be dying inside when she's not there. It helped me....please ask God to give you peace, even in this worst of times....<P>Kari

I just don't know if I have anything left for her =( Right now I don't want to see or speak to her again. It will just be lies. She just can't be honest with me and I can't stand it anymore.<P>It's not just the deception, like your husband crying when seeing those pictures, and then sleeping with the OP the next day. She doesn't love me and I can't handle it anymore.

To be honest, I'm getting close to that too. I just continue to ask God to guide me. Its hard because I haven't figured out if what I'm doing is God's will or Kari's will. When you are completely and finally done, I can't help but feel that you will know it. I will pray for you and for you W that God will drop her to her knees and open her eyes.

GM,<P>You have to hang in there, it has only been one month, her emotions are wacked right now. She is in as much of a rollercoaster ride as you are but with a whole set of different emotions, like embarrasment, guilt, shame and others. Pray to God that he will give you the patience, courage and strength to back off and give her room. Like my WS said, she needs emotional space. I did some dumb things like send a letter to the OM with an attached lawsuit, called and told friends and her whole family, got caught following her around town, a bunch of LB's. Now i'm feeling the affects of my actions. She was staying with her family but feels so much pressure from them that she has decided to get an apt. That hurt when she told me that. Just this last week, we have started to really talk more and the converations are good. I'm not bringing up anything about us during any talks and she has started to open up to me. She is a big waffle and I needed to create an envirmonment where she feels comfortably and safe. To reconcile with any one rememeber there are theee things that you must remember:<BR>1. You need to create an environment where they feel safe and comfortably. Remember the turtle analogy; as long as you poke and prod the turtle it will not come out of it's shell, if you stop and create a safe environment, eventually it will come out.<BR>2. Our best defense is nothing even if we know we are right.<BR>3. We have to accept the fact that we might have to shoulder some of thier sin.

That is the one thing that would snap me right around, about face, and give me hope anew... if she truly repented, and gave herself to God, and started reading her bible every day and praying. At least then I would know everything is going to be ok. We might have things to work out between us, but as long as God is in it, I have nothing to fear. <P><I>Many things about tomorrow<BR>I don't seem to understand<BR>But I know who holds tomorrow<BR>and I know who holds my hand</I><P>But she doesn't care about God. She pretended to last night, and I believed her. She doesn't care about me. She cares about her. That's it.

Her mother just called, asking where she is. I didn't answer, and just let her leave the voicemail. I don't know what I am going to tell her. What lie is my wife going to craft to try and get out of this one, this time? =(<P>I just can't speak to her today. There will be too many LBers. There already have been too many.

GodlyMan:<P>Steve or Jenn has been known to schedule "emergency" sessions, and I think you're close to qualifying. <P>Here's the deal, as I see it.<P>1. Your wife doesn't love you.<BR>2. She's not living a Christian life.<BR>3. She's doing what she can for herself, in a very selfish way.<BR>4. She's extremely confused and isn't sure what she really wants.<P>That's the bad news. The good news is that this is temporal---it's true for right now. It may not be true next week. Or next month. Or in a year. The facts are that affairs are fantasy relationships that rarely stand the pressure of real life---after they are discovered. They rarely last for over two years after D-day. The MB Plan A and Plan B are set up in a way that lets you address the problems you brought to the marriage, in a way that will help you respectfully negotiate an end to the affair (Plan A). If, after a reasonable period of time, the affair isn't over (3-6 months on average), a no-contact separation (Plan B) is put in place to keep the remaining love you have for your wife safe, while the affair has it's chance to burn out. Plan B is 18-24 months in duration. <P>You're in early, and your head is spinning. Don't make any drastic changes from Plan A, and get into counseling with Steve or Jenn---sooner rather than later. I remember how much this hurts; but you can get through it with a better marriage as a result. I'm here to demonstrate to you that it is possible.

All four of those things are true. SO very true. <P>Right now, I am really nervous about something...<P>My parents are coming down to see us on Saturday. And I don't think I can just put up a front that everything is ok. But I *refuse* to tell them the truth. My mother loves my wife like her own daughter and it would kill her to hear it. I don't want to tell them.<P>What do I do??

I agree with K. You should definetly schedule a call with Steve or Jen. They should be able to talk to you. Your emotions are going crazy and I know your hurting, I'm one month into mine as well. I know what your going through. I can't eat. lost 30 lbs, can't sleep and wake up every morning with the sweats and this on my mind. My work is being affected and there is not a minute of the day that goes by without thinking of it. For her to stay in it as long as she did prior to d-day should be somewhat encouraging. Remember women have a much harder time to seperate emotionally than men. You have to keep to the Plan A right now. Believe in God and trust that he will get you through this and you will be a better man for it. My take on it is if I throw in the towell right now I will live with a regret of what could have been for the rest of my life, however if I do everything that I possible can to save my marriage and it still fails because of her then she will live with regret and I can move forward. It's all SAA, Plan A and B. Hang in there, just take a deep breathe and know that you are not alone. <P><BR>Philipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."<P>I'm praying for you!<P>GC<BR>

GodlyMan:<P>Is there any way that you can cancel with your parents? That'd be my first choice.

They bought their plane tickets months ago =(<P>My mother has been going on and on about how much she misses my wife and I and she is looking forward to this trip SO much. They both took a week vacation and everything. I feel so trapped and helpless. I can't even think.

GM:<P>Did you discuss this with your wife? She's aware that they're coming down, right? What's her plan??

Wow. Glad I had a meeting to go to!! Sorry about recommending Dobson. I just know it helped me. It's written more in a Christian perspective, and taught me about tough love and standing up for myself.<P>Don't know what to tell you about your parents. You need to decide how strong you are. And this roller coaster is going fast!!! You will feel differently tonight - and then again tomorrow - especially if you hear something from your W. Sit down and write out your options (that helps me). If I tell them, then they will say...., then I will say....<P>If I don't tell them, then can I be strong and pretend nothing is wrong? If they ask me what's wrong, I'll say....<P>Think it through. I tried to go to a family B'day party right after H moved out, without saying anything, but as soon as I got there I started bawling (me and my H were inseparable - we were ALWAYS together), so I told one or two of them - not about the A - just "problems". I was fine the rest of the time.<P>Just a thought, tell your parents that there are problems, and you are confident that things will work out. If they ask questions (like my Dad did last weekend), jsut say you'd rather not talk about it.<P>And yes, I think you should call your brother.<P>((((((GM)))))))<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

She knows they are coming down. I have no idea what her plan is. She is still with the OM right now. His flight leaves tonight, so I am wondering if I'll get a late night call from her. I am wondering even more if I'll answer. But we need to make a decision tomorrow, what to do about my parents, because they are flying in Sat morning.<P>Even more urgent is her mother. She's been calling me all day, wanting to know where she is. I'll let her figure that one out on her own and support her in what she decides.<P>I am leaving work now, and heading home. I'll be talking to my brother for a while, no doubt, and then I'll get back on here, to see if anyone has posted some more.<P>Thank you all SO much for all your care and support. I realize I am hogging up a lot of your time - this thread is 6 pages long already! But I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart. You guys are all I got.

GM:<P>I'll be out of here in a little while. Again, try not to make any major decisions during this whirlwind. You need to let things get calm, and make the best decisions possible for your marriage.<P>God bless.