Hi all,<P>I had planned a nice day away with my W to go and see her favorite group, but all I ended up was LB!! It started off when she met up with a friend of the OM at the gig ... what an unfortunate coincidence! They started chatting about the OM's group of friends etc. It just drove me so mad, sometimes I can't help but feel upset and distressed.<P>Stupidly on the way home I started asking all the questions i've asked before (major LB's). I asked her if she ever could see us in a relationship together again, and she said no. She said I would fundamentally be the same, I'm not always fun loving and spontaneous! Funny that, cos all the hurt she caused me makes me feel so dark. When I do try to be spontaneous, it always seems to be messed up by her not feeling well, or some prior engagement with the OM!!!! At least one positive thing was that I think i figured out here most important EN, she told me she needs someone that makes her happy, and that's hard for me cos I resent the OM so much and react badly accordingly!<P>The thing that just confuses me is that she says things might be wonderful in the future for us, and that our relationship now is better than it has ever been. She also says she couldn't ever live with anyone but me, she doesn't want to live with the OM. The fact that she makes an effort to cook for me, bring me lunch at work etc. just confuses me. Why do these things for me, if you don't want me?<P>She says things like she likes the fact that I am learning t o change. And she likes the fact that I pay more attention to the way I dress. I notice it too, im getting a lot more attention!! Some of the time I get the feeling that shes trying to say, ok change yourself and lets see if you can keep it up or it's a front. And I almost feel like she's holding on to me while she has her fun and thinks about 'herself' for once, rather than thinking about everyone else. Knowing that I'll be there for her to run to if need be.<P>The situation is difficult though, we have both moved to a new town, and are about to move again. The OM lives in another town and has a large circle of friends, so of course when they go out it's lots of fun and lot's of people. However, when going out with me it's just me and sometimes my work colleagues ... of course it's not as exciting!<P>Lastly, she says to me the OM makes her happy without having to do anything! Wheras I have to try to make her happy, and often fail. It's so infuriating, I try like hell and fail, he does nothing sits on his backside and makes her happy. <P>I think I have to just get on with my life and stop concentrating on her. But i can't help thinking about her and the OM!!! It just crushes my soul, and I clam up not wanting to talk or be amicable. Like a little kid in a strop i guess.<P>Any women out there care to comment why my W does all these things for me, i just don't understand!?!<P>One lost, sad lad! (hope this post isn't to disjointed!)<P>Plec.

Hello-<P>Have you read <I> Surviving an Affair </I>? I believe I remember this kind of thing addressed in it...<P>Of course OM didn't have 'to do anything' to make her happy, their time was not based in reality. Their time together was all fantasy...<P>Did she ever leave and be with OM exclusively? In the book, that is when reality starts to edge into their fantasy...Life becomes real. Just like it did for you and she. Don't you remember that time in your life when you didn't 'have' to do anything to make her happy?<P>If you don't have SAA, check out the basic concepts about the Love Bank and Love Busters...I would also listen to the old radio shows...Dr. Harley really uses some good anecdotes to explain his concepts.<P>Hope this helps.<BR>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Hi Pleco,<P>I've been going through a similar experience. My WS found the OM fun to be with but I was always stress. Well, what can you expect ? The OM doesn't have the stress of my kids, doesn't have to keep my house tidy, doesn't have to pay my bills, and doesn't get my wife in her pissy, selfish moods. No, he gets her when she's rested and looking for fun. And she gets him when he's rested and looking for fun. That was a big LB for me.<P>However, you have a great chance to keep your wife. She says she wants to live with you. She says she doesn't want to live with the OM. The fact that she is living with you is a double plus.<P>What worked and is working for me is a good Plan A. It's been hard work and I've had my downers but I've been sticking with it. I've been trying to create moments when we have fun together. At first it didn't work so well but it got better with every time we went out together. Now, it actually feels like fun and I'm not working at it so hard. <P>The other thing you need to do is stop talking about the OM as much as you can. This is really, really hard but I'm just trying to focus on me and my wife. Nobody else.<P>The side effect of all this is that my Plan A involved me loosing some weight (16lbs so far), spending some money on nice clothes and getting more involved in fun things. It's great. I feel a lot more comfortable and confident with myself. I'm even getting compliments from other women which has really made my wife pay attention. <P>Good luck.<P>

Hi<P>Well, I can relate to what your wife is going thru cuz I was there. I was just like your wife. And of course, the OM can make her happy doing nothing. IT's the excitement of somebody new and of the sneaking around and everthing that goes with thinking you are in love with someone else.<BR>And you can do nothing to change that while she is with the OM. I saw every fault my H had during that time. many I over exaggerated in my mind to justify my behavior. And I too was waiting for my H to change. There were many things in our marriage that needed to be changed and I didn't want to give up the OM if I didn't believe my H was going to change and make those changes permanent. And even while I was going back that forth, he keep on changing. He did things that he had forgotten to do for years. But the thing that got to me was about two weeks after d-day, my H began putting cards or notes into my car while I was at work. Every day when I got off work, there was a card telling me how much he loved me or how hard he knew all this was for me or how much he was praying for me. and that he only wanted my happiness. So even while I was off to see the OM, I had this card to read first. And while I could push all thise to the back of my mind while I was with the OM, it was always there. And I watched him become a much stronger and more affectionate man. And these changes are now permanent. Once I got off that fence and we sent the no contact letter to the OM, he is still doing all those things that I needed.<P>If you needed to hear more of my story or want to know anything else, please email me at deblynne_45@yahoo.com.<BR>I would be happy to share anything that could help you out.<BR>I am very happy that I made the right choice and only choice for me, my husband. It is sometimes a daily struggle within my mind, but I know that God will heal my mind of the things with the OM. And I know for a fact that my husband has forgiven me totally. Now I truly am a blessed woman.<BR>debbie

Wow, another post where it feels like someone has read my mind. I too, feel like I just can't compete with the OM. Even if I supress my hurt and pain and depression and try to be fun and exciting to her, it all falls on deaf ears and a numb heart, because it will never be as exciting as the affair. <P>How do you try and match that feeling? By nature, I am not a competitive person, and gathering the self esteem necessary for being as exciting as she'd like is just too hard.

Plec,<P>You are not alone my friend. My W confuses me on what seems to be a daily basis. I not going to go into to much detail if I can, check out my other post, I got some good advice and understanding.<P>My W has said some very hurtful and horrible things but it seems that her actions have never really corrisponded or she turns around and says the exact opposite. She wears a watch and Tiffany bracelet on one wrist that the OM gave her but she wears a silver bracelet I bought her for her B-day a few weeks ago on the other. I've never seen her with it off sense I gave it to her. Why in the world would she do that?<BR>She says she loves me just not that way. She calls me when she has bad dreams, when she just needs to talk, she even wants to go places, sometimes she even talks as if we have a future together but if asked she says she can't see it.<P>Check out my post on her moving in with OM, that was one rollercoaster ride I want forget.<P>This weekend was crazy, she had decided last week that we were seeing tomuch of each other, so no contact for the rest of the week(?). I went along with it, on saturday she dropped of the kids. I had a hard time with them so I paged her to talk. She was with OM, we ended up getting into it and she hung up on me. I paged her again about an hour later to applogize for my behavoir. She was at home this time really upset and crying, OM had gotten upset about me inturding into his time. They had gotten into a fight because she said "he is the father of my children, he is a big part of my life and will always be, if he ever wants to talk, vent, needs help or anything to do with the kids, then I'm gonna call him back, if you can't handel that then you don't need to be with me" apparently he told her to leave and be there for her kids. Whats that about? I later that night paged her again, could take the kids on bike ride because the tires were flat and the pump was at her place, any excuse to page. She called right back, didn't know where pump was, and we just talked for about 15 minutes. Then she said she had to go they were at the movies and she was missing it. Why would she leave him in the theater and call me back? I left things alone and first thing Sunday morning she calls to see when I'm bringing the kids home, is sure to tell me she got in late but had stayed home all night, slept with the phone just incase I needed her. I spent the entire day with her and the kids having a great time. Before I left that night I asked so still no contact, she replied that was not what she wanted anymore. I get a new level of confusion ever day. I just roll with it, try not to read to much into it (very hard to do), let her know I care and love her and see whats comes next.<P>Keep at it, I know how you feel, sometime I just want to shake some sense into her. I bite my tongue and go with what comes.<P>dlm,<P>I'm always interested in learning where my W is at and coming from, any advise or insight would be great. I haven't read much yet from a WS/W point of view and would really like your input.<P>Thanks and keep hope alive,<P>Silwl

Plec,<P>You are not alone my friend. My W confuses me on what seems to be a daily basis. I not going to go into to much detail if I can, check out my other post, I got some good advice and understanding.<P>My W has said some very hurtful and horrible things but it seems that her actions have never really corrisponded or she turns around and says the exact opposite. She wears a watch and Tiffany bracelet on one wrist that the OM gave her but she wears a silver bracelet I bought her for her B-day a few weeks ago on the other. I've never seen her with it off sense I gave it to her. Why in the world would she do that?<BR>She says she loves me just not that way. She calls me when she has bad dreams, when she just needs to talk, she even wants to go places, sometimes she even talks as if we have a future together but if asked she says she can't see it.<P>Check out my post on her moving in with OM, that was one rollercoaster ride I want forget.<P>This weekend was crazy, she had decided last week that we were seeing tomuch of each other, so no contact for the rest of the week(?). I went along with it, on saturday she dropped of the kids. I had a hard time with them so I paged her to talk. She was with OM, we ended up getting into it and she hung up on me. I paged her again about an hour later to applogize for my behavoir. She was at home this time really upset and crying, OM had gotten upset about me inturding into his time. They had gotten into a fight because she said "he is the father of my children, he is a big part of my life and will always be, if he ever wants to talk, vent, needs help or anything to do with the kids, then I'm gonna call him back, if you can't handel that then you don't need to be with me" apparently he told her to leave and be there for her kids. Whats that about? I later that night paged her again, could take the kids on bike ride because the tires were flat and the pump was at her place, any excuse to page. She called right back, didn't know where pump was, and we just talked for about 15 minutes. Then she said she had to go they were at the movies and she was missing it. Why would she leave him in the theater and call me back? I left things alone and first thing Sunday morning she calls to see when I'm bringing the kids home, is sure to tell me she got in late but had stayed home all night, slept with the phone just incase I needed her. I spent the entire day with her and the kids having a great time. Before I left that night I asked so still no contact, she replied that was not what she wanted anymore. I get a new level of confusion ever day. I just roll with it, try not to read to much into it (very hard to do), let her know I care and love her and see whats comes next.<P>Keep at it, I know how you feel, sometime I just want to shake some sense into her. I bite my tongue and go with what comes.<P>dlm,<P>I'm always interested in learning where my W is at and coming from, any advise or insight would be great. I haven't read much yet from a WS/W point of view and would really like your input.<P>Thanks and keep hope alive,<P>Silwl

Plec,<P>You are not alone my friend. My W confuses me on what seems to be a daily basis. I not going to go into to much detail if I can, check out my other post, I got some good advice and understanding.<P>My W has said some very hurtful and horrible things but it seems that her actions have never really corrisponded or she turns around and says the exact opposite. She wears a watch and Tiffany bracelet on one wrist that the OM gave her but she wears a silver bracelet I bought her for her B-day a few weeks ago on the other. I've never seen her with it off sense I gave it to her. Why in the world would she do that?<BR>She says she loves me just not that way. She calls me when she has bad dreams, when she just needs to talk, she even wants to go places, sometimes she even talks as if we have a future together but if asked she says she can't see it.<P>Check out my post on her moving in with OM, that was one rollercoaster ride I want forget.<P>This weekend was crazy, she had decided last week that we were seeing tomuch of each other, so no contact for the rest of the week(?). I went along with it, on saturday she dropped of the kids. I had a hard time with them so I paged her to talk. She was with OM, we ended up getting into it and she hung up on me. I paged her again about an hour later to applogize for my behavoir. She was at home this time really upset and crying, OM had gotten upset about me inturding into his time. They had gotten into a fight because she said "he is the father of my children, he is a big part of my life and will always be, if he ever wants to talk, vent, needs help or anything to do with the kids, then I'm gonna call him back, if you can't handel that then you don't need to be with me" apparently he told her to leave and be there for her kids. Whats that about? I later that night paged her again, could take the kids on bike ride because the tires were flat and the pump was at her place, any excuse to page. She called right back, didn't know where pump was, and we just talked for about 15 minutes. Then she said she had to go they were at the movies and she was missing it. Why would she leave him in the theater and call me back? I left things alone and first thing Sunday morning she calls to see when I'm bringing the kids home, is sure to tell me she got in late but had stayed home all night, slept with the phone just incase I needed her. I spent the entire day with her and the kids having a great time. Before I left that night I asked so still no contact, she replied that was not what she wanted anymore. I get a new level of confusion ever day. I just roll with it, try not to read to much into it (very hard to do), let her know I care and love her and see whats comes next.<P>Keep at it, I know how you feel, sometime I just want to shake some sense into her. I bite my tongue and go with what comes.<P>dlm,<P>I'm always interested in learning where my W is at and coming from, any advise or insight would be great. I haven't read much yet from a WS/W point of view and would really like your input.<P>Thanks and keep hope alive,<P>Silwl

Plec,<P>You are not alone my friend. My W confuses me on what seems to be a daily basis. I not going to go into to much detail if I can, check out my other post, I got some good advice and understanding.<P>My W has said some very hurtful and horrible things but it seems that her actions have never really corrisponded or she turns around and says the exact opposite. She wears a watch and Tiffany bracelet on one wrist that the OM gave her but she wears a silver bracelet I bought her for her B-day a few weeks ago on the other. I've never seen her with it off sense I gave it to her. Why in the world would she do that?<BR>She says she loves me just not that way. She calls me when she has bad dreams, when she just needs to talk, she even wants to go places, sometimes she even talks as if we have a future together but if asked she says she can't see it.<P>Check out my post on her moving in with OM, that was one rollercoaster ride I want forget.<P>This weekend was crazy, she had decided last week that we were seeing tomuch of each other, so no contact for the rest of the week(?). I went along with it, on saturday she dropped of the kids. I had a hard time with them so I paged her to talk. She was with OM, we ended up getting into it and she hung up on me. I paged her again about an hour later to applogize for my behavoir. She was at home this time really upset and crying, OM had gotten upset about me inturding into his time. They had gotten into a fight because she said "he is the father of my children, he is a big part of my life and will always be, if he ever wants to talk, vent, needs help or anything to do with the kids, then I'm gonna call him back, if you can't handel that then you don't need to be with me" apparently he told her to leave and be there for her kids. Whats that about? I later that night paged her again, could take the kids on bike ride because the tires were flat and the pump was at her place, any excuse to page. She called right back, didn't know where pump was, and we just talked for about 15 minutes. Then she said she had to go they were at the movies and she was missing it. Why would she leave him in the theater and call me back? I left things alone and first thing Sunday morning she calls to see when I'm bringing the kids home, is sure to tell me she got in late but had stayed home all night, slept with the phone just incase I needed her. I spent the entire day with her and the kids having a great time. Before I left that night I asked so still no contact, she replied that was not what she wanted anymore. I get a new level of confusion ever day. I just roll with it, try not to read to much into it (very hard to do), let her know I care and love her and see whats comes next.<P>Keep at it, I know how you feel, sometime I just want to shake some sense into her. I bite my tongue and go with what comes.<P>dlm,<P>I'm always interested in learning where my W is at and coming from, any advise or insight would be great. I haven't read much yet from a WS/W point of view and would really like your input.<P>Thanks and keep hope alive,<P>Silwl

Thanks JustPlainCali / Freddy,<P>This site is great. It's just so nice to have someone empathise with you, and understand what your going through. My friends that I have spoken to about this either get bored of my moaning, and don't understand. Or, they just say something like "Go out, have some fun , and have some one night stands"! Maybe I should think about what friends I'm keeping!<P>I've ordered Surviving an Affair, and His Needs, Her Needs, but i'm in the UK so it will take a couple of weeks to get to the bookstore. I would order it online, but as my wife and i are pretty open about opening each others mail I don't want her to come across my purchases from marriage builders. This would be a major LB right now.<P>She hasn't ever live with the OM, although she has stayed with him for a few days now and then. To be honest he's more of a kid than she is. He's 22 and lives with his parents, she's 27!! I'm probably the biggest hypocrite out there as a christian, but the OM's father is a church minister and he knows what's going on with his son and does nothing about it!<P>I do remember a time when we did nothing and were happy. I guess she's lost those memories somewhere in the fog!<P>She has asked me if the OM can come and stay, but i'm like "i'm sorry, but i just can't take that". I try to put across the message that there is no way in hell that's going to happen politely without LB! Is she crazy or what?<P>Thanks again,<P>Plec.

Hi again Pleco,<P>based on your last post, I can see this is really a very difficult time for you. To ask if the OM can come stay in your house is a major LB - on her part. However, there is hope. <P>It seems to me that the OM will only be able to meet very few of your wifes emotional needs. And her, his. So, there is a very good chance that if you understand how you need to be, meaning her emotional needs that you need to satisfy you can save your marriage. You need a really good Plan A.<P>You might consider having your wife read HN/HN with you. I was very open with this from the begining and we're now reading it together. You need to be honest with her about your feelings and the pain she's causing you and what you're doing to help the situation, even if she's not.<P>good luck,<P>what part of the UK are you from ?<P>

Hi Debbie,<P>Thanks for your post. I think all the other guys that posted here to would like to hear more about your story. I think the hardest thing for us guys is to actually determine what our W EN actually are, without point blank asking them.<P>I think the toughest thing is trying to stay happy, when there is OM making you feel angry, resentful and cheated. I feel like the OM has intruded in my life, although I knew him before the A I never invited him into my life!!<P>Something that annoys me is that my W tells me the OM feels sorry about whats been done, and how I must be hurt. It really winds me up, oh you're sorry are you? Err, obviously not sorry enough to do anything about it though! Thats like me spilling a beer on someone in a bar, saying "oh im really sorry", then tipping the rest of the beer over his head!!!! Sorry, just needed to vent that!<P>Just out of interest debbie, what changes were you expecting in your husband. No doubt it's a completely different scenario than mine, but I'd still like to know.<P>Ok, everybody enough of my sorrow. Here's something to make you all laugh! (Well, maybe. us brits have a wierd sense of humour)<BR> <A HREF="http://www.zefrank.com/date_1/navigation.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.zefrank.com/date_1/navigation.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/navigation.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/navigation.html</A> <P>Thanks again,<P>Plec.

Oh, I wanted to post this all for you too...<P>Commitment transforms promise into reality.<BR>It's the words that speak boldly of your intentions.<BR>And actions which speak louder than words.<BR>Its making time when there's none.<BR>Coming through time after time, year after year.<BR>Commitments the stuff characters made of; the power to change the face of things.<BR>It's the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.

Plec,<BR>As I write I can only do so from my point of view. And now when I think back to everything that lead up to my A, I find that i felt so completely alone and hopeless that it was easy to allow someone else into my life. My husband is a very outgoing and intelligent man. He is a mechanic and always in demand around here. So after work, he would be gone for hours working on something, being with friends, or who knows where. We had very little communication. Over the years my resentment in all this just built up. I use to spend my time with my dearest friend, but her in laws were in a terrible car wreck the killed her mother in law so there was no more time for anything. I realize as I write that these are all excuses, but they were very validate at the time and helped lead me to do what I did.<BR>We also had some very terrible situations happend with our children. And each time while my H was here physically, he wasn't here emotionally for me. And I was left to cope with it all myself. I turned to my church for comfort and support only to learn that somehow I must have been a terrible mother and not instilled the right values into them. so while I was sinking lower and lower into despair, and should have turned directly to God for all the support I needed, I just became angry inside and I ate. it always made me feel better as a child. only now, I was gaining weight. Now my H would say little nasty things about my weight to me or in front of friends. And then we got a computer. I never knew about chatting or meeting people online before that. And as I chatted I began to talk to a man who seemed to understand my needs. And he responded very well to them. And I spend hours online every day.<BR>And when I asked my H if he cared, he did not. He told me he was glad that I had something to keep me busy. I took that as permission to chat so I continued. Now remember all this was my thinking back thing over a year ago. And it was so easy to justify my behavior. Because I wanted my H to love me more than anything else. I wanted to hear all those nice things from him. I wanted him to spend his time with me. I wanted to know where he went and when he would be home. But since we didn't communicate our needs to each other we just let all the slip away. And I allowed someone else to fulfill those needs for me. When the OM wanted to meet me, I asked my H. He had no problem with that and we both met the OM. At first we were all friends. We met the OM's wife, but realized we really couldn't be friends. I realize on here that I could take some flack for this but she wasn't a nice person even before the A began. She would make witchy mean statements about people we didn't even know and about her H in front of him. And my husband felt sorry for the OM after we met his W. And just so you know, we laugh about it now. But at that time for me, it really touched my heart, because I felt the same way. My H was saying the same kinds of things about me in front of people without giving it any thought. And I felt a very strong physically attraction to him even tho I knew that was wrong. and I should have stopped it right there. But once again, I allowed my emotions to guide my actions and<BR>within a few weeks of meeting all together we were doing things alone. Oh I always asked my H permission. I also started a new job which was extremely physically demanding.<BR>Since I had no barriers put up by my H I just figured he didn't care much so I proceeded with my relationship with the OM. And it didn't take long to go from and EA to a PA.<BR>When my H found out and asked me about it. i was truthful and so unfeeling towards him. but his transformation was amazing to me. For two weeks we just existed in our house, while unknown to me, he got wise counsel from our minister.<BR>And he began plan A without even knowing that was what he was doing. I would go to work and come out to find a nice card in my car. I would come home and find flowers and the house cleaned up. he said that was so I could relax after all my hard work at work. And I watched him daily to see if he would revert back or make some snide comment about me or the A, but it never happened. But the OM was also very supportive. When his W found out, she did the typcial reaction and kicked him out. the OM then expected me to just move out of my home and in with him. I wasn't ready for that. I was still watching and amazed by all the changed in my husband. He would ask me what he could do to help me in this. What he had done wrong and what he could change. And then one night he came home from seeing our minister and got down in front of me crying and told me that he was so sorry for all the pain he had caused me by not protecting me from this. The memory is with me still.<BR>And for the first time I really believe he was changing.<BR>But I wasn't ready to give up the OM yet. And I did move out with the OM for one whole week. I just couldn't do it.<BR>I was raised in a Christian home and I knew all that I was doing was wrong. Oh I wasn't ready to giveup the OM yet, but I couldn't live with him either. And it was the first time I began to see thru the fog a bit as to what the future might be like without my H and with only the OM.<BR>I wasn't impressed with what I say. And I found this site.<BR>And a wonderful person on here who had been thru the same thing asked me what I would do if I had to give up my H forever? <BR>I know this is a very long post, I'm sorry, but I just feel I have so much to share now. Because the fog can make one so confused that black is white and white is black. What I never thought I would do, I did. It took until the end of March this year for me to write a no contact letter, which I had to make my husband read before sending it. He just told me he trusted me to say what needed to be said. I made him read it so there would be no misunderstandings. I told my H that I still love the OM. He came into my life at a time when I desperately needed someone. He gave me such understanding and really helped my self-esteem. But while those were good things, the whole thing was wrong and I asked for forgiveness. The OM and his W divorced. And when I'm feeling down, I feel guilty over that, but my H reminds me that wasn't my choice. they had the same choice we had and the same opportunity to make things work again and better.<P>I am probably rambling here, but if you have any specific questions, please ask and I will try to answer them. When they talk of confusion on here, it is so true. the confusion is terrible and leads to wrong decisions.<BR>I am praying for you and for clarity of mind to return to your wife.<BR>Debbie

DLM, you weren't rambling. You were pouring your heart out. You are one of the few WS's on here that not only have taken the time to really put all that in print, but have the clarity and understanding to say it all.<P>Thank you for that.<P>Although your situation is different from my wife's situation, I have a much better understanding now of how and why she did what she did. I only wish my wife would take the time and do the same thing, and put her thoughts in print. I still have so many questions as to what I did wrong that drove her to this affair, but I can't ask them yet. <P>While it may be difficult to understand for some people, I think your husband is lucky to have you. You are able to admit your mistakes, and not run from your problems.

Debbie, thank you for your post. <BR>It gives me great hope.

If what I have gone thru and what my marriage has survived can give someone else hope, then all wasnot in vain. I never realized how much my marriage, my husband and my family meant to me until all this happened. But I had to begin to come out of the fog as they say in order to see that. And it was a great struggle to come home mentally to face all the problems and begin to solve them. And so it will be for your wives involved with OM. I was completely in love with him. It just seemed that he knew exactly how to meet all my needs and very well. But as a Christian woman, that still small voice of God was always in the background calling me to Him. Calling me to that higher standard of living that I had allowed the world to creep in on and move me away from His presence. And I also discovered by my husband had a band of prayer warriors offering up prayers constantly for me during this struggle.<BR>And my H would tell me that he was praying for me that I would open my heart and mind up to what God would have me do and not be swayed by Satan. Of course that kind of talk made me mad, but God seems to do his best work when we think we know it all. And I sure did think I knew what I wanted. out of my marriage and on to life with the OM. But<BR>thank goodness, God knew more than I did and didn't let go of me. And my H never gave up hope or stopped praying.<BR>So if my story gives anyone some hope, then I give all the glory to God for bringing my H and I thru this.<BR>my prayers are with you, plec, and silwl and godlyman and humper. And I will be glad to answer any questions you think I might help you with.<BR>Debbie

I do have a question, if you don't mind, Debbie. You were raised a Christian, and so was my wife. But she said she still feels absolutely no guilt for what she did. Only regret that she hurt me. She has put aside her beliefs and faith for this man. Did you go through the same thing? Or was the guilt always there, in some proportion?

Thanks everyone for your posts, especially debbie. It is tough day by day, but it can be such a release just coming here and telling someone how you are feeling.<P>I'm more than sure that doing this avoids me having some major LB-ing conversations with my W. There are so many questions that I want to ask her, but I know I can't as they would be such LB's.<P>I found her wearing one of my sweaters yesterday when we went out. I'm sure it's nothing, but in my own little way it made me smile!<P>Take care everyone.<P>Plec.

Plec, I know what you mean! Little things like that mean a lot to me as well! And they make me smile =) I even think about pointing it out to her, that it makes me happy, but that might be going overboard.<P>Haha, every time I get home and look at my Sailfin Pleco in my 55gallon planted aquarium, I think of you. What a neat alias.