Austin - I'm not going to take space on your thread to argue with max. I will offer to you that his "knowledge" about my situation is incorrect, but that has nothing to do with you. <P>He is correct, however, that all sorts of conditions preceed affairs. Plan A and Plan B is not the exact same medicine for each couple - it has to be customized for each case because, as max points out, different things may have contributed to the affairs involving different couples. But, at least, it IS medicine. Divorce is not. Divorce is a surrender to the disease without even going to see the doctor.<P>Take your pick.<P>Take his advice if you choose, file for divorce, and you won't have to worry about rebuilding your family at all.<P>Conduct Plan A/B, Dobson's tough love, or Austin's one-of-a-kind plan and you have a chance. Nope, there are no guarantees. My Plan A and Plan B may not save my marriage, but it already HAS saved me.<P>WAT

Gda, I have thought about the anonymous phone call as well. I have a female who would make the call in a heart beat. I thought about covering it up by having her call me as well and leaving it on my voice mail to play for my wife. Same message but names or discriptions reversed. Im not sure if WS would figure it out as I am only one with motive. Boy this is a hard decision. Its like once you decide to do youve laid the cards on the table and the situtation is out of your control. Having just typed that, the thought occurs to me-isn't it already out of my control. Still undecided.

<B>Ive done the plan A thing till I couldnt do it any more.<P>She wanted it I just filed it.<P>I need to protect myself emotionally from further heartbreak and pain from her.</B><BR>Which is why Plan B was devised.<P><B>NO, Im not gonna be an a** to her not my style. I wish I could but Im too nice a person.</B><BR>She is gonna turn around later and tell you that you ARE an a$$ because YOU divorced her! She isn't gonna thank you for it. She'll probably say, "I said that because I wanted to see how much you wanted to stay married."<P>The only time you should file for divorce is if YOU want a divorce.<P><B>I would say its Emotional Abuse for sure. I guess you could consider it physical abuse because of the pain and fact that it does affect you physically, weight loss, inability to sleep etc.</B><BR>It is only abuse as long as you let.<P><B>By the way they got back from cruise last night. I picked them up at airport and took them home.</B><BR>You did what? So you think it's okay for them to have an affair?<P><B>You know it really hurts to see my w/s. I cant stop thing about how much I love her, what she did to me</B><BR>It's natural. If you follow Plan A & Plan B, you would be able to deal with it much better.<P><B>and where we are going.</B><BR>You are the one who filed for divorce. Why is the situation bothering you?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Not her and OM. MY WS and the kids. They went wo me.

Austin,<P>Is there some reason you post questions on this forum but totally ignore everyt comment I make? Have I said something to make you mad?<P>WAT,<BR><B>Take his advice if you choose, file for divorce, and you won't have to worry about rebuilding your family at all.</B><BR>Austin has already filed for divorce.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited July 30, 2001).]

I would like to point out that filing for divorce does not mean you have to go thru with. You can stop the process at any time. However, its a good idea for financial reasons (ws is responsible for debt she incurrs). Also, if it is inevitable why put it off. I am still trying to reconcile with my ws. Im just not sure she wants the same. In fact Im not sure she knows what she wants. Need to see something a little pro active from her as to wanting to save marriage.

Never mind. I tried.<p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited July 30, 2001).]

Just a point I think it unclear for you, Chris... I believe it was his wife and kids on the cruise - not the OM. That may change your opinion a tad about what Austin's story is. <P>Here's his quote: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Not her and OM. MY WS and the kids. They went wo me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 30, 2001).]

My bad. I misread it. Thanks for pointing it out to me.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris, Im not mad at you or ignoring you. Im just trying to get all the opinions of others in the same situtation. I know noone can tell me what to do and we all have to make our own choices. But, knowledge is power. I do want to make informed and well thought out choices. Thanks to everyone here for their understanding and help.