LAN,<P>I have two thoughts on this, neither of them may be any good. First, I think for the first time you have really stood up to your W. She has run things for a long time, and I think she felt that she could run this for ever.<P>But maybe just maybe she is finally realizing her meal ticket is about to leave. She knows she has done some major damage to you, and yet you Plan A'd for 17 months.<P>You are now done with Plan A, it is time for Plan B. Your love is almost or actually virtually gone. It is time she left or decided to work on things. There really are no other alternatives at this point.<P>My second thought is that you may have Plan A'd too long giving her the impression that this could all be done if and when she decided she could do it. I suspect she won't go to the counselor for the same reason she hates that you told her parents. She cannot stand to be wrong or admit she is wrong and she is wrong.<P>So my advice hold a steady course. Don't be mean or spiteful but do your best to help her find a job and an apartment to move to. Be kind, considerate and firm on this. No need to LB, but it is no time to waffle. Her note was nice, but it promised nothing you don't already know. Sometime in the future she MAY decide to be a W.<P>But it is also true that no matter what; your life is about to become much better.<P>So steady as she goes, LAN.<P>That is my advice.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

LAN,<P>You said: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I hope I would not reverse back to my former self (OOOO) and waffle, but it is hard to hold steady when you walk on the thin rope. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I beg to differ with you on this count. <P>You were on a thin rope while your W was having the A. But you are not now and you need to stop thinking and acting that way. You have done everything a BS could or should do, your path is clear and it wide and yes it is obvious. <BR>Things change or the marriage is over. Actually, the marriage doesn't even exist now, so things have to change for there to be one. You don't need to issue ultimatums, but you do need to be honest with your W.<P>I may be repeating myself, but I view your situation like one were a drowning victim has been rescued. The breathing has stopped, the heart has stopped, clinically they are dead. At this point you don't worry about how well you do CPR or even if a rib is cracked in the process. You must perform the CPR and try to bring this person back. <P>The only major error to be made is to sit and worry if you will do it perfectly.<P>In the case of your marriage, the love is slipping away. You have plan A'd too long. Maybe when your W gets a job and moves out she will change her mind, and at that point a Plan B may be feasible. I don't know. You will have to make the call on that.<P>But, LAN walk your path, it is up to her to decide if she will join you or not. You are no longer on a tight rope.<P>That is my humble opinion.<P>God Bless,<P>JL