Hi Dave,<P>I've been thinking about this a bunch. I think you can use this situation as an opportunity to show your wife that you have changed. That you can be the best "WAT" you can be. To show her your love for her, even in the face of all this dukey, is still your focus. If you handle it right, keeping in mind you don't meet her needs (Plan B), but at the same time demonstrate you have compassion and are fair. Show her that you are a non-LB kinda guy.<P>I have found so many times that something that appears as a bad thing or a "negative" doesn't necessarily mean it is or has to have a bad outcome. Most the time it's an opportunity in disguise. It all depends on how you react and handle it.<P>Just some thoughts, hope this helps you.<P>Jo<P>

Jo - you summed up my thoughts pretty well. In a way, the 20 megaton letter from her attorney is perfect. She has no rational reason for authorizing such a diatribe. I think it speaks far more than it's on-the-surface cluster bombs. I think is says far more about her than me. I'm feeling myself begin to really let go. I know this sounds arrogant, but more and more often I think she doesn't deserve me.<P>K - just to be sure you understand - our legal separation specifies 50/50 custody. However, she left Aug. 20, 2000 and the separation wasn't signed until November 4. From a legal angle, it should be concluded that she abandoned the family and domicile amd joint custody wasn't agreed to until over 2 months later.<P>On the plus side, <son> and his best friend and Taz and I spent the whole day at Busch Gardens, Williamsburg and had a terrific time. Beautiful weather and lots of smiles. WS didn't even call <son> on his birthday, yesterday. She did call him this morning on my cell as we were driving.<P>We're off to Wrightsville Beach on Monday and we WILL have a terrific time.<P>WAT

Dave,<P>SHE DIDIN'T CALL HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY!!!!<P>remember that thread a few months ago when the LB fairie wanted to have a little talk with your W. Well the LB fairie is thinking about pulling the old broom out of one of the many boxes still here & making a flying trip to MD.<P>Did it bother your son not to hear from him Mom on his brithday? <P>My boys have been gone a wk tomorrow evening & I get them back around noon tomorrow. I can't wait. I know my OS would never let me hear the end of it if I didn't see/call him on his birthday, but then I think kids give the parent that leaves breaks in someways. I guess what I am trying to say they are afrid they will lose them, so they let them get by with stuff that they (the kid) would never let the parent who is always there get away with.<P>Enjoy the beach.<P>Hey I agree you are too good for her.

Hi Dave, <P>Been gone all day, just now getting on. Hope I didn't miss you before your trip. Anyway, my thoughts are give the dogs to your W, be drastic, change the carpets. Remove any sign that your house may in anyway shape or form resemble her letter. <P>Then let her make up more accusations. Look, I don't want to make your W look bad. You love this woman. Just don't want her to slam her family either. <P>Look your best, be your best. Let her see you at your best. <P>Have a fun time at the beach. I am jealous. I love the beach. Can you snorkel there? <P>L. <BR>

sing - my son doesn't sem to be affected by her not calling. This is nothing new. He doesn't take extra effort to call her or me when he's with the other and doesn't complain if he doesn't get calls from us. He seems pretty laid back about it all. <P>L - yea, you can snorkel thre, but there's not much to see - just sand and an occasional fish. There's a rock jetty that more fish hang around, but the swells make that a bit dangerous.<P>Dave (WAT)

Dave,<P>I am glad that it doesn't bother him or at least he is not letting on that it does. The one think I have learned from my OS, is that you never know.<P>Are you sure I can't fly in give your W a gentle kick in the derrière?<P>Have fun at the beach enjoy. I'll just go soak up the calm by the pool here, or for the few more hrs that my house is unnaturally quite.<BR>

sing - there would be nothing I would like better than to have someone like yourself communicate with my wife, but we know that would do nothing until she's ready to receive, and in fact, would make things worse.<P>Strating today, I'm going to call my son everyday (evening) he's with her. I hadn't done this everyday I was in Plan A because I didn't want to give my wife the impression I was checking up on her indirectly.<P>WAT

....and as hard as it could be but as easy as it is to say...... keep a smile in your voice. Be the best you can be. You are a charming guy. Show it. Remember where to vent. HERE!!!! <P>L.

Hi L - thanks.<P>I'm working on a new post about this morning's events.<P>How's your tummy?<P>Dave