good night.

H-3 is nice, it was finished just before I moved to WA state and he moved to WA D.C. (yes, we got stationed apart for what was to be six months, me Army, him Marines.) The reason there were so many deaths in building H-3 is that there were spirits of the ancestors disturbed in digging in the mountains, yup, that's the reason.<P>

do you remember the final toll when it was completed? It was really weird to hear his stories about the mystery that surrounded that whole site...<P>Army dog huh? <P>when did you guys leave HI? By the way we got married there to.. So of course I want to go back.. :*( find myself there in the wayward winds of spirits..

hoo-rah, yes Army--I think 9 was indeed the final toll. Hawaiians are very sensitive when it comes to their ancestory and their own with good reason. (The Marine Corps had to cancel a large scale landing excercise when Brudder Iz dies and they scattered his ashes on the beach.)<P>You gotta answer my questions about Marines--what makes you all so crazy? (jokin)<P>

You really want an honest answer to that?

It starts bootcamp, I know--something about guys showering together makes them need to prove that they aren't in fact girly-men. Okay, okay, I will quit. . .if you are still awake and posting, then you should lower the dosage on the Ribbed Fuel (Corps drug of choice, you know) I think we are jamming the MB system--<P>We took ICQ off the computer because that's how all of this got started in the first place--Miss Kitty sent him a picture of her Joker-lookin face via ICQ and it was "love" at first sight. Elsewise you could get on the ICQ answer my question about why Marines have two more braincells than . . .ok, never mind. . .

sorry, I left for a shower and couldn't get back on! Got to get some sleep Aloha all<BR>T

Ok, devil-dawg, I am really pau, now. . .the night is still young here in Oki, time do something cool. . .like, uh. . .<P>Hey, seriously, you take it easy, I have been following your posts and I know that you have been through hell--I am a friend if you need one

you leaving without me being able to respond to that?

you still here?

I know when he's been on your mind<BR>That distant look is in your eyes <BR>I thought with time you'd realize <BR>It's over, over <BR>It's not the way I choose to live <BR>And something somewhere's got to give <BR>As sharing this relationship gets older, older<P>You know I'd fight for you <BR>But how I can fight someone who isn't even there <BR>I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you <BR>I dont care if that's not fair<P>Chorus:<P>Cause I want it all <BR>Or nothing at all <BR>There's no where left to fall<BR>When you reach the bottom it's now or never <BR>Is it all <BR>Or are we just friends <BR>Is this how it ends <BR>With a simple telephone call <BR>You leave me here with nothing at all<P>There are times it seems to me <BR>I'm sharing you with memories <BR>I feel it in my heart <BR>But I don't show it, show it <BR>And then there's times you look at me <BR>As though I'm all that you can see <BR>Those times I don't believe it's right <BR>I know it, know it<P>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>Chorus<P>Cause you and I<BR>Could lose it all if you've got no more room <BR>No room inside for me in your life<BR>Cause I want it all <BR>Or nothing at all <BR>There's no where left to fall <BR>It's now or never<P>Chorus x2<BR>

Naw, I told you I am pau!! I am going to the movies, bruddah! Aloha! shaka!!!!

okay.. I'll have it here for you when you get back.. be sure to check.. cause I'm pouring my heart and soul into it. okay?<P>Semper

Ok, that's not a Hawaiian song. Now are you going to tell me that your a write lyrics? Sounds more like a country western. <P>You are a sensative guy. You get man points from me. I sure hope things work out for you and your W soon, I know you are juggling a lot right now. I thought all your children were with you. How many do you have? It must be real hard. <P>Hope you were able to get some rest. I'm off the San Francisco's annual Aloha Festival. Once a year thing that puts us in touch with the islands. Food, music, dance, that sort of thing. So maybe I'll get a piece of that luau you threw for me. <P>Thanks, <BR>L.<P>L.

Bernzini<P>What I learned about people, men and women alike, who became Marines, was not that they were Marines by choice, but by design. It is the transformation that happens when the soul succumbs to the acceptance that one is at their meekest, and most humbled self. When that foundation of self worth is discovered and set, the faculties that are taught to become a Marine can be built upon. I witnessed this transformation take place many times over, with different individuals, at different times. It wasn’t part of any formal training, activity, or mission that followed the path of an instructor’s lesson plan. It wasn’t scheduled, on a certain day during Boot Camp to take place, it happened when it was time at any given based on each individual. I also witnessed individuals who didn’t match the design, which is hardwired into person to make them a ‘true and faithful’ Marine. The stand out quite sorely, in the eyes of their peers.<P>It isn’t merely a transformation as easy as putting on a uniform, distinguishing oneself as a ‘member’. But, rather a subconscious calculated transformation from within the body to the mind, the mind to the soul and the soul back to the body. It’s almost a religious experience, like that of a feeling of self-baptism, to start anew inside, from the beginning. It was a changing of the human entity, the guard if you will, that housed the soul of whom we were deep inside, to what we knew we had to become, not as a Marine, but as a person. Most of this transformation happened without even realizing or knowing it at first.<P>It wasn’t something we were taught in Boot Camp. It wasn’t putting on that Dress Blue Alpha after ‘surviving the 17 weeks of emotional and physically challenging destruction of ones person’ that makes each Marine, a Marine. What was it? Where did it come from? Was it part of the rigged, calculated instruction of 17 weeks of training in the mouth of a human hell? I didn’t see that. What took place was an examination of ones OWN self worth, to himself, his corps, his country and his God. No one can make you do that. It follows once your broken, when your spirit is weak, and near lifelessness. I had to learn who I was and what I was capable of, physically, spiritually and emotionally. It came from deep within. Somewhere down there, in my soul next to the same area of pain that I now feel because of this affair. It’s the same humbling affect, the searching of the soul to find who we are. <P>'It' was the who, what, when, where and why.. How strong could I be, how loyal, could my body, mind and soul hold integrity and honor for itself, working together for the good of me before I was allowed to wear the name US Marine. The name United States Marine, has a history of being the first to stand up and fight, die with dignity, courage and honor and it takes a very special person to find themselves to proudly (I said proudly) wear that name. It’s about what we found inside. It’s not about whose the biggest and the bad, but what makes us who we are, that is what makes Marines so fanatical about who they are and where they come from. Because we finally know who we are and are proud of it, it cost us finding our self worth and respect, to know, that we have nothing to fear, but the unknown.<P>Maybe this is why we are all so cocky, because we do know who we are and what we can do.<P>Now that I’ve sat here and written this in the current state I’m in, due to the affair, I realize a lot of the same feelings of finding the truth within me is the same I searched for years ago, before I was allowed to put on the name of Marine. And maybe that is why at times I can be so strong for myself and bulletproof to what life throws my way. Yes, I am human and I do feel, very much so, but I have learned quite possibly from what I was designed for to find my purpose once again.<P>Okay, to much booze. And I didn’t even finish the six-pack of long necks. Been way to long… since I got a buzz on so little. Guess that’s a good thing.<P>Orchid, that is O-town. :P As for the boys.. there are 7 of us.. her and I. 2 stepchildren from her first marriage.. boys 14 and 10, our boys 8 and 6, then the baby, 13 months. I talked with her this morning.. she is well rested.. I’m glad she got to sleep finally.. me.. I’ve been up for several days now.. minus the nap I had for the 2 hours I passed out last night. Heck.. I feel great! <P>Is the Aloha festival today? If so have a blast.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2U,<BR>Can I say good morning yet or are the shades still pulled down? <P>Writing is good, helps us find our inner thoughts sometimes. I read what you posted to Berzini. It was nice to be able to chat like this. If some of our rambling helped, I am glad. <P>I will try and listen to that song. I am kind of an oldies girl (not too old I hope.... LOL) and I like my Hawaiian music. <P>You have a large family. I hope your W and you can get connected soon. Seems like it is hard on the children also. <P>Get some rest you sound all wound up. <P>I will write about the festival when I get back. <P>Remember Zippy's? I wish we had one here. Chili beans and rice. Loco moco ???? Won Ton soup and terikayi plate lunch. Oh yea, Portugese sausage, eggs and rice. And Lenoards Bakery right next door with dream cake, guava chiffon, haupia cake. Yum....<P><BR>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 04, 2001).]

Personally, I prefer prawn manapuas. <P>Mahalo,<BR>Jo

O,<P>Okay.. to many emotions running today.. the boys are upset that we are here.. and the rest of our family is in D together having a good time. I told them we could go to the lake here today and they don't want to.. because its not the same..without mom and their brothers the 6yo just got through telling me.<P>Now you got me thinking of that resturant on K hwy in PC.. nice place that served pie with everything.. She and I use to love dining there.. Had only 3 children then.. but that was our favorite place to eat.. <P>Second favorite place was the buffet at some restraunt in Pearl City Heights.. near the mall.. <P>Remembering about Hawaii bring back all the good times that she and I had. The drive in .. flea markets there during the weekends and the wonderful trips to Hunama..(sp) to snorkle with the fish. The drives around the island and captivating its beauty. I didn't respect life then.. and I wish that I had. We had everything there and I let it all go when I came stateside. <P>I see myself.., in a few years, on Oahu, if she doesn't come home.. doing what we did there together, chasing the anuenue alone. <P>A hui hou! aikâne (did I say that right??)<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2Y<BR>Maybe you can take your boys to get ice cream. Try to get their minds and your's off of things. Is there a carnival to visit? Try to keep them busy.S

SEM..<P>we do things like that all the time.. have you ever spent 8 hours in an ice cream shop There is just too much time alone. Some days.. I can't get myself up to do a darn thing.. like this weekend is going to be. <P>All I have is C and D.. my boys. My family is to persistent with me meeting them somewhere, going to their houses... and I just can't. The few friends that she and I had before the A, are gone now. If I go alone somewhere without C and D.. I have attachment problems and become clingy to others.. So I just forego living, to avoid the memories and pain of being alone. <P>Semper <P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town