I've come back to this post afer last writing anything on it 10 days ago. I worked really hard on plan A this weekend. By Sunday afternoon, my WH asked if I wanted to go out to the pub for a drink with him that evening. After I recovered from the shock (since D Day, he has avoided any situations where we go out without the kids or other friends), I arranged a babysitter and we went out to the pub. We talked lots, but not about us, jsut about every day kinds of things. When we got back, he actually initiated sex! That was Yesterday. I'm now wondering whether it was something particularly different about the way I behaved this weekend which sparked this off or whether it was just the alcohol, or a mixture of both. Neither of us mentioned the sex the next morning. Should I leave it like that and not expect it to happen again or should I discuss it? It was good to have physical contact after 4 months without any at all...but now feel even more confused than ever.<P>Wounded One

Too long a painful story but I say my H is deep in an EA with a woman at our workplace. He denies any wrong doing but they talk privately constantly & I suspect lots of phone calls & emails. I now suspect maybe some out of town schedules together maybe? I pray there has not been a PA or wont be but I am starting to wonder. He put me thru hell with his treatment of me these last few months. But this last month has been much calmer. (Individual counseling on both our parts - but not about the marriage directly). <P>3 months ago he moved his clothes into the closet in the guest bedroom. He showers in the other bathroom. Mostly he sleeps on the couch in front of the tv. He often mopes around & has lost interest in hobbies or friends. But then other times he is gone all day. Anyway, we have not been together in 3 months. Except once he initiated sex when he said he wasnt feeling well & wanted comfort. Afterward practically claimed amnesia & siad he didnt remember coming upstairs!!! (no alcohol or drugs involved). How weird. <P>He also abandoned me emotionally at the same time. No hugs, no touching of any kind. We never go anywhere together and drive seperately. Even eat seperately, though I still cook & store the extra in the fridge for him. I had been doing the laundry too. But he did his own for the 1st time lately.<BR>He has been calmer, so I have been trying to hang in there, thinking this has got to work out sometime soon! Ive been trying to let him have his space & work thru his emotions as long as I think he is still seeing a counselor.<P>OW is getting divorced & I fear the EA may become a PA if it hasnt already. I guess I would never know for sure. All I know is he still is sleeping at home at night even if not with me. I miss his warmth & the smell of his hair so much. I held on tight to a teddy bear for a while! It is still a comfort to me to hear him putz around the house. I couldnt bear it if he insisted on moving out. I think he thinks this qualifies as a "separation". NOT!! Pray for me.<P>There is one thing that bothers me that no one has mentioned. The idea of being given a sexually transmitted disease. We have no idea where the Other Person has been! And HIV/Aids is still out there. In my case, my H and I have not had any previous sexual partners (really!) and the thought that he could be with her that way & then maybe come to me for intimacy scares me!! She had relationships before her H.

Just wanted to put this to the top one more time.