flight doc,<BR>thanks for starting this topic, and telling us a little about yourself. I'm sure if you hang around, you'll see we DO vent about our ws'S, but we try to respect and value the opinions and info we see from the WS's that post here, and we try to convey openness and non-judgment that best we can. <P>I have another small suggestion for you... search for posts by TrueHeart. Read Unan's recent "lessons" post - perhaps you 2 can help each other also.<P>I know, as a BS, I have plenty of faults, and did some bad things to my H, but I never thought of going outside our marriage for anything. That's why I like this site and the principles, beause Plan A is showing me how to take responsibility for my behavior, and "fix" some of the things I did wrong in my marriage.

A little secret: I was the wayward spouse in my first marriage. That was, let's see, ten years ago. <P>This had been a painful, unresolved issue for me. The first 2 years of being married to this husband were filled with depression and agonizing guilt. No, he was not the affair partner, this husband. My present husband is the person who comforted me in my "fog" state, when my affair partner dumped me, my husband dumped me and reality hit. That's funny to say, because this is about the only comfort he has ever given me.<P>(Now my husband says "See, if you can do it, so can I. You think you are so righteous? If I am a scumbag, so are you.")<P>This website has brought a lot of answers to both situations. I feel somewhat forgiven of my past, in that I understand what I did, what went wrong in my first marriage, and that a whole lot of that wasn't my fault in that I was lonely, felt neglected, felt used. If I had known, mature enough to understand, if I had had some support (my family hated him and wanted me to divorce him,) things could have changed.<P>Things will never be the same--my first husband remarried and is happy with--UGH! The Stepcreature--and I am remarried as well, for whatever that means and however long. But like I said, this place is not just for Betrayed Spouses to vent their poison and frustration and slam on their spouses. (It might seem like that from the WS perspective because it IS so frustrating to love someone who says they don't love you.)<P>This place is for everybody to learn and talk about their feelings. So don't leave, stick with it.

Hi Bob,<P>You have taken a big step to be here. I understand you have been reading and when you asked such straight forward questions and statements, I felt it necessary to understand why you were here. This is a marriage building site. People from all sorts of background and situations come here for the purpose of working on their marriage or learning hwo to. Some actually are able to recovery their marriage, others lead to divorce in most cases it is safe to say that most have learned to become better persons. <P>Now what I am about to share with you is that occasionaly there are those that come from those 'other' web sites that promote infidelity and make a great deal of trouble here then go back and brag about their actions. Because that is hurtful to us that are already hurting, I personally needed to make sure (for myself at least) that your actions were not in that direction. I believe from your comments that you are not like that and I am glad. <P>I would like to take the opportunity to welcome you to marriage builders. I have to run out now but it is very possible that some of these other good people can provide you with the general welcome package explaining how to best utilize the tools available on this site. We are just people trying our best to work on our individual situations and share what we have learned with others. There is also professional help available here along with many good reading tools.<P>I will check back later this evening and if you have not received any info yet, I will provide it at that time. <P>We encourage many to state their story on the Just found out site. It does help to write things out. Support is here for all who want help. As with most good help sometimes it is a bitter pill to swallow but understand the intentions are for the good. <P>I personally would like to apologize if I have offended you. Maybe if you become acquainted with some of our stories you will understand why we say what we do. Our need to beat around the bush is long gone for some of us. The bush no longer exists, what we see are many hurt persons making up hurt and damaged families. <P>Please write again and know we mean you no ill-will. <P>L. <BR>